Should we be offended

gmarie - it is a cheeky f****r!

Nothing to do with her what her father in law looks like cheeky mare I wouldn’t have had the nerve to tell my mother and father in law how to appear ....my word she’s a bold madam I can see fun times ahead for you
Does she tell your son what to do and wear?

'slightly offended' Lilylavender I'd be absolutely furious!

If she cannot accept your dear husband for the person he is and what he's been through then she is shallow beyond belief. I feel sorry for your son.

I take it she is perfect in every way?

Does your husband know how to gurn? If so, ask him to wait until the photographer is taking "parents of the groom" photos - then go for it !!

YANBU
I am sorry for all the health issues and lack of concern and respect on your son's part.

Luckygirl mentioned, "As Mumsnet would say - she is a CF!!!"

What's a CF?

Peonyrose
No he had prostate cancer. Its just getting used to them. Which I am sure he will now he is 12 weeks post hip replacement
Another thorn in our side is one of my daughters is a bridesmaid and the other daughter who also has children has not even been invited to the wedding. Its a long story why, she has not done anything to DIL she had problems when homeless and I looked after her youngest child . She is now engaged and over all the problems but as I am the mother of both and 3 sons I feel like all family members should be at least invited. I am afraid DIL is from a very funny family who falls out with people easily even her own dad has never seen the youngest grandson

I don't wish to be insensitive, but is it due to problems with his mouth after cancer treatment the reason he doesn't wear his teeth. If it is you should tell get, but if it's a matter of just not trying to get used to them, he should try harder. No one looks good without teeth, I can't bear the thought myself, it is a dread of mine ever needing them as I would not go out until I had dentures. As for the weight only he can decide if the stress extra weight puts on your body is worth it. I have just given up all sweet things and as I am now a stone overweight and look a sight, but it's so hard.

Don’t allow them to put any pressure on him. If he wants to take some enjoyment by a sweet treat then let him! He’s been through enough.
And you’re son wanting a quiet life is not good enough! I’d never allow anyone to speak to my father like that. Let alone if he’d been through what your husband had.

Thank you all ladies. I wonder if its me taking too much offence as I am very sensitive. My son is going wih the flow. Her mother is no slim Jean either. My husband is trying to get used tomdentures but only 12 weeks after hip replacement and he has some other issues that radiotherapy caused. I agree with ll you are saying but I upset my son at gs christening 6 years ago feeling left out so do not want to upset another apple cart. We will just bear winit and if hubby doesnt lose weight which I dont think he can as he is also 70. Then they will have to live with it. They are being measured for suits soon anyway so if he isnt slim enough now he has to stay that way until wedding in october

When I was a CAB volunteer, everyone else was in the same boat except the manager who was paid. If one of us went to make a brew, we always asked if anyone else wanted one. Nobody was designated as brew-maker. It was a very friendly and supportive bureau.

I think its damn rude, too.
Teeth, no teeth, fat or thin shouldn't matter.

I think she’s disgusting. My step mum was going through cancer treatment during my wedding. My wedding was the last occasion she made it to.
I will cherish those pictures for the rest of my life. I’ve still got on of her as my laptop screen.
No. She didn’t look like the vibrant slim woman who I’d known a majority of my life. But she was still the same loving person and I spent the whole day so happy she made it.
I am so sorry for what you and your husband have been through and I hope he is recovering well.

I’d tell your son that his fathers weight loss is at the bottom of your priorities right now as you both recover from the gruelling treatment!
If anyone had dared say anything to me about my step mums appearance I wouldn’t have been held responsible for my actions.

Where is your son in all of This?!

When I was getting married for the first time a very dear friend of me and my then dh to be, was being a bit odd about confirming his invitation.

It turned out that he was concerned about not having the "right" clothes! We put him straight, explaining "we are inviting YOU, not your clothes!"

The wedding photos show Mike (sadly deceased, MND) as a smiling member of the group in jeans and denim jacket!

Mr P & I were invited to a wedding a few years ago, and were told the dress code was "strictly evening dress"

We were under some severe financial pressure at the time, and declined the invitation, although the devil in me really wanted to wear a tuxedo type suit, (which I had) and deck Mr P out in a glamorous evening frock from from the charity shop!

Anyway, my rambling apart, what I'm trying to say is that a wedding, any wedding, should be about love and joy, NOT about how the sodding photos look!

Think she needs to think a little more sensitive!

Be grateful that her father in law is still with them!

I wish you luck with that cheeky so and so. Such a nerve after your dh husband 's illness. Keep a good eye on her.
Dawn

Notanan2
I agree with you as my grandson is not a doll and we have got over that to a degree. All i was esp.aini g is dil is very temperamental. She has even fallen out with her own father and he hasnt seen one grandson. That aside
I pick him up from school and babysit them but the issue is the dentures and weight. I know they want the pics to look nice. All the suits are being hired and hubby wishes he could lose weight. Its just stomach weight. Anyhow we will cope. Looking forward to seeing my son married

Hmm I dont think you were reasonable at the christening. You ho to "witness" at a christening, not to "get a turn" as if the baby is a doll to be passed around.

I would ignore the weight comment. We come as we are. But that isnt your only problem is it?

I take it that she does know your husband's health problems? If so, she is being extremely insensitive, and should be grateful that he will be well enough to even attend the wedding. It's completely up to him whether he wears his dentures or not, and a well cut suit will work wonders. The more I think about it, the more angry I get at her attitude.

Bahaha....just WHO is your future DIL marrying?

So what she is saying is ...she doesn't like the way her future FIL looks eh?

Sorry...but everyone is entitled to their opinions and likes and dislikes but I think if I was your son I would be very wary of marrying someone who is so explicit about their requirements pre-marriage. What comes next? No wrinkles on view?

That's so rude. I see trouble - next she'll be telling your son what to do, where to go, what to eat ......

Well we have had issues with her for many years. At the Christening of their eldest son ( my grandson) we got into a spat at the emd because her family were hogging the little one and not letting pur side see him. Hubby's sisters as they had never seen him. Every time I asked if he could be brought over our end as SIL had a stroke and couldnt stand or walk well they said he was asleep but DIl mother and stepmother held him constantly. We felt pushed out and she DIL also called me names on twitter ( my daughter found it). Lauging with mates and sister amd calling me demented. So thought we were over that. We pick their two,up from school once a week and help where we can while her mother is a teacher and goes away weekends.
I do feel used and hubby will get used to his dentures as I have asked him to. My gs even said last week when he came to visit has grandad practiced with his teeth yet. Dont think a 6 year old would think of that himself

I think it was a very insensitive thing to say too considering your husband's health problems Lilylavender I think I would be having a quiet word with her and explaining the issues. Tread carefully though you don't want Bridezilla to take umbrage.

A bit of a cheek,as he has been ill, losing weight is none of her business, but like the others,i agree about the teeth
My older sister had dentures for a long time but hardly ever wore them, i just couldn't understand why,i have never let anyone see me without mine, and definitely wouldn't go out of the door without them, wouldn't even answer the door
Hope all goes well at the wedding,teeth or no teeth

Does it matter ? Maybe dentures make him gag after having had treatment. Some people are so insensitive and pass-remarkable. How shallow !!

I think she is rude. It could have been handled so much better.
When my first granddaughter was born it was my son who asked me if his dad would mind smoking outside when she was there. He said he would go out with him and do some bonding. As it happened our DGD gave my DH the perfect excuse to stop smoking!
Your DiL has no business saying these things. If it is what they both want it could have been handled better. And expecting him to lose weight is nonsense. Have to agree about the teeth though.