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Should we be offended

(59 Posts)
Lilylavender Sat 13-Jul-19 13:36:04

My future daughter in law is saying my hubby should wear dentures and lose weight for the wedding. He put weight on as he had cancer treatment and another hip replacement recently and finding it hard to lose weight atm. I understand why she is saying it not sure if its my son saying it well but knowing my DIL probably not. Her own step dad has long hair and I think he looks scruffy but not said anything
Would anyone else be slightly offended or am I being too sensitive?

Sara65 Sat 13-Jul-19 13:39:44

A friend of mines future mother in law, bought her father a packet of Cigarettes, because she didn’t want him smoking roll ups at the wedding!

Ignore it, it’s rude!

tanith Sat 13-Jul-19 13:40:00

I'd say I'd be offended none of her business to comment on your husbands appearance blooming cheek.

SueH49 Sat 13-Jul-19 13:44:57

I agree with saying he should wear dentures assuming the option is to go toothless but as for losing weight unfortunately it is not that simple and quite rude for your DiL to be to suggest it IMO. I wouldn't be offended though as that would give your DiL reason the think she can call the shots.

MiniMoon Sat 13-Jul-19 13:47:29

I assume that she knows about the cancer treatment and hip replacement. Therefore she should be aware of the reasons for his weight gain.
It is insensitive of her to suggest losing weight after all he's had to contend with.

lemongrove Sat 13-Jul-19 13:51:22

Agree with dentures but not the weight loss, unless he himself wants to lose weight.
Very insensitive of your DIL though.
Did she really think he would turn up toothless to a weddding?

Luckygirl Sat 13-Jul-19 13:54:57

As Mumsnet would say - she is a CF!!!

Weddings have become so much about show rather than about real people, with all their foibles and failings.

Honestly I would just ignore her - I know you have got to get on with her into the future, but she really is out of order here. She is just concerned about the wedding photos rather than people's feelings. I wish you every luck in getting on with this little madam! I think you are going to need it!!!

SalsaQueen Sat 13-Jul-19 14:00:21

I think she's a cheeky sod!

B9exchange Sat 13-Jul-19 14:03:03

My youngest son had both front teeth smashed to bits in the week before his brother's wedding in a hocky stick accident. At the same time my daughter had a miscarriage and the finding of an ovarian cyst. Our thoughts were not on the wedding photos to be honest, but the photographer drew in some teeth on DS's photos, so if you husband hasn't got any dentures, then the photographer could do the same? grin

dragonfly46 Sat 13-Jul-19 14:04:58

I think she is rude. It could have been handled so much better.
When my first granddaughter was born it was my son who asked me if his dad would mind smoking outside when she was there. He said he would go out with him and do some bonding. As it happened our DGD gave my DH the perfect excuse to stop smoking!
Your DiL has no business saying these things. If it is what they both want it could have been handled better. And expecting him to lose weight is nonsense. Have to agree about the teeth though.

EllanVannin Sat 13-Jul-19 14:11:17

Does it matter ? Maybe dentures make him gag after having had treatment. Some people are so insensitive and pass-remarkable. How shallow !!

blondenana Sat 13-Jul-19 14:17:58

A bit of a cheek,as he has been ill, losing weight is none of her business, but like the others,i agree about the teeth
My older sister had dentures for a long time but hardly ever wore them, i just couldn't understand why,i have never let anyone see me without mine, and definitely wouldn't go out of the door without them, wouldn't even answer the door
Hope all goes well at the wedding,teeth or no teeth

sodapop Sat 13-Jul-19 14:26:48

I think it was a very insensitive thing to say too considering your husband's health problems Lilylavender I think I would be having a quiet word with her and explaining the issues. Tread carefully though you don't want Bridezilla to take umbrage.

Lilylavender Sat 13-Jul-19 16:47:11

Well we have had issues with her for many years. At the Christening of their eldest son ( my grandson) we got into a spat at the emd because her family were hogging the little one and not letting pur side see him. Hubby's sisters as they had never seen him. Every time I asked if he could be brought over our end as SIL had a stroke and couldnt stand or walk well they said he was asleep but DIl mother and stepmother held him constantly. We felt pushed out and she DIL also called me names on twitter ( my daughter found it). Lauging with mates and sister amd calling me demented. So thought we were over that. We pick their two,up from school once a week and help where we can while her mother is a teacher and goes away weekends.
I do feel used and hubby will get used to his dentures as I have asked him to. My gs even said last week when he came to visit has grandad practiced with his teeth yet. Dont think a 6 year old would think of that himself

crazyH Sat 13-Jul-19 16:50:16

That's so rude. I see trouble - next she'll be telling your son what to do, where to go, what to eat ......

Tedber Sat 13-Jul-19 16:52:19

Bahaha....just WHO is your future DIL marrying?

So what she is saying is ...she doesn't like the way her future FIL looks eh?

Sorry...but everyone is entitled to their opinions and likes and dislikes but I think if I was your son I would be very wary of marrying someone who is so explicit about their requirements pre-marriage. What comes next? No wrinkles on view?

Vintagegal13 Sat 13-Jul-19 17:08:54

I take it that she does know your husband's health problems? If so, she is being extremely insensitive, and should be grateful that he will be well enough to even attend the wedding. It's completely up to him whether he wears his dentures or not, and a well cut suit will work wonders. The more I think about it, the more angry I get at her attitude.

notanan2 Sat 13-Jul-19 17:16:11

Hmm I dont think you were reasonable at the christening. You ho to "witness" at a christening, not to "get a turn" as if the baby is a doll to be passed around.

I would ignore the weight comment. We come as we are. But that isnt your only problem is it?

Lilylavender Sat 13-Jul-19 17:53:57

I agree with you as my grandson is not a doll and we have got over that to a degree. All i was esp.aini g is dil is very temperamental. She has even fallen out with her own father and he hasnt seen one grandson. That aside
I pick him up from school and babysit them but the issue is the dentures and weight. I know they want the pics to look nice. All the suits are being hired and hubby wishes he could lose weight. Its just stomach weight. Anyhow we will cope. Looking forward to seeing my son married

Dawn22 Sat 13-Jul-19 19:26:01

I wish you luck with that cheeky so and so. Such a nerve after your dh husband 's illness. Keep a good eye on her.

bikergran Sat 13-Jul-19 19:45:29

Think she needs to think a little more sensitive!

Be grateful that her father in law is still with them!

phoenix Sat 13-Jul-19 20:05:51

When I was getting married for the first time blush a very dear friend of me and my then dh to be, was being a bit odd about confirming his invitation.

It turned out that he was concerned about not having the "right" clothes! We put him straight, explaining "we are inviting YOU, not your clothes!"

The wedding photos show Mike (sadly deceased, MND) as a smiling member of the group in jeans and denim jacket! grin

Mr P & I were invited to a wedding a few years ago, and were told the dress code was "strictly evening dress" shock

We were under some severe financial pressure at the time, and declined the invitation, although the devil in me really wanted to wear a tuxedo type suit, (which I had) and deck Mr P out in a glamorous evening frock from from the charity shop!

Anyway, my rambling apart, what I'm trying to say is that a wedding, any wedding, should be about love and joy, NOT about how the sodding photos look!

Bibbity Sat 13-Jul-19 20:23:14

I think she’s disgusting. My step mum was going through cancer treatment during my wedding. My wedding was the last occasion she made it to.
I will cherish those pictures for the rest of my life. I’ve still got on of her as my laptop screen.
No. She didn’t look like the vibrant slim woman who I’d known a majority of my life. But she was still the same loving person and I spent the whole day so happy she made it.
I am so sorry for what you and your husband have been through and I hope he is recovering well.

I’d tell your son that his fathers weight loss is at the bottom of your priorities right now as you both recover from the gruelling treatment!
If anyone had dared say anything to me about my step mums appearance I wouldn’t have been held responsible for my actions.

Where is your son in all of This?!

MissAdventure Sat 13-Jul-19 20:42:46

I think its damn rude, too.
Teeth, no teeth, fat or thin shouldn't matter.

annodomini Sat 13-Jul-19 21:27:22

When I was a CAB volunteer, everyone else was in the same boat except the manager who was paid. If one of us went to make a brew, we always asked if anyone else wanted one. Nobody was designated as brew-maker. It was a very friendly and supportive bureau.