P.S. If there are still issues between that one DD and your DSs, maybe she wouldn't really want to attend the wedding, anyhow.
Another stabbing in Sydney today.
Do you still wear you original wedding and engagement ring
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SubscribeMy future daughter in law is saying my hubby should wear dentures and lose weight for the wedding. He put weight on as he had cancer treatment and another hip replacement recently and finding it hard to lose weight atm. I understand why she is saying it not sure if its my son saying it well but knowing my DIL probably not. Her own step dad has long hair and I think he looks scruffy but not said anything
Would anyone else be slightly offended or am I being too sensitive?
P.S. If there are still issues between that one DD and your DSs, maybe she wouldn't really want to attend the wedding, anyhow.
So deeply sorry about DH's health issues, Lilylavendar. IMO, everyone should just be happy he can go to the wedding, and nothing else should matter.
I understand FDIL's concern about the dentures though. It may not just be about the photos, she might find it embarrassing to have a family member come toothless to the wedding. Petty, perhaps, but that may be how she feels. I'm glad he has decided to try to get used to them. In time, it will be to his own benefit.
It sounds as if her approach was insensitive, however, especially about the weight issue. But since the men are being measured soon, IMO, it will become a moot point.
As for your uninvited DD, I am so very sorry. I know it must be hard for you, as her mum, to see her left out. How torn you must be between the desire to attend DS' wedding as well as your appreciation of your other DD's being chosen as a bridesmaid and that one DD being pushed away. However, the guest list is DS and DIL's business, just as how DH handles his weight is his business. As hard as it may be, I think you need to accept their decision about their guest list and not expect them to invite all the siblings, just b/c you and DH do.
Perhaps you can enjoy a special day w/ the uninvited DD sometime soon, just you and her, or you, DH and her. Beyond that, I hope the wedding is beautiful and that everyone has a good time.
What a cheek? No-one should ever tell someone else what to do, no matter what. Let him go to the wedding as he wishes.
“The first daughter upset the family years ago but its all in the past to ,me but not my sons so me and hubby are upset by this every celebration”
So it’s not just DIL, it’s your son, and your other sons. It is to your credit as a mother that you have forgiven your daughter and have supported her. However it is often harder for siblings.
My late brother had substance abuse issues and associated mental health problems that meant he could be incredibly intimidating and difficult. My mum was always trying to increase his contact with my children at his insistence, but having experienced his erratic and unsafe behaviour first hand, him having time alone with them was my hill to die on. When my eldest was older she herself used to plead with me not to “let Grandma leave me with X” - turns out mum had started not telling me my brother was coming over when my daughter was with her, and leaving them alone, despite promising that would never happen.
Mum was always saying “he’s better now” only to be relaying the next disaster within days or weeks.
Your DIL is having one of your daughter’s as her bridesmaid! That’s traditionally a very close friend or family member, so it’s clearly not a “her family” v “your family” thing. You seem to be very competitive about this.
Invite all your children to your own celebrations, that’s your prerogative, but let your children make their own choices.
“I realize its not nice for a child to be bellowed at but my son has calmed that down.“
- maybe you have reason to be happy your son chose DIL as his wife and mother of your dgc?
Just pointing out that just as it is your right to invite all your children to your celebrations, irrespective of how they have behaved in the past, it is your son and dil’s right to invite who they choose to their celebrations. Perhaps your son finds it harder to forgive and forget his sister’s behaviour, he isn’t her parent after all.
As for the christening all those years ago, you do realise your sister-in-laws were the baby’s great aunts? It’s not startling that the default spare arms would be more familiar, closer family.
As for DIL wanting your son not to shout at his son, I’m wondering if you have a very different family culture from your DIL and it’s rather more chaotic? With shouting etc. That could be a bit off-putting if you are not used to it.
Requesting your husband lose weight however, is beyond rude and unpleasant.
It all sounds a bit Channel 5. Nobody comes out if it very well.
So trivial to be concerned about these details.
Anyone inviting guests to an event (including weddings) has a responsibility to treat them with respect and cater for their needs. It seems that brides become so obsessed with arranging their perfect day that they totally forget their manners.
Sorry for,spelling lol
Yes i agree with all comments completely. If it wasnt our sons wedding I Would refuse to,go. One of my faughters hasnt been invited atnall and th eother daughter is a bridesmaid. The first daughter upset the family years ago but its all in the past to ,me but not my sons so me and hubby are upset by this every celebration hubby snd i have we invite all my children to regardelss of past issues
I too understand full well why you are offended! I would be too, but being offended won't do any good.
If your DH is anything like mine, he will be calling his future DIL a right madam just now and certainly will not put his dentures in for her wedding! If indeed you can drag him there.
Try to ignore it. After the wedding if she makes comments like these again, tell her politely that her comments are hurtful as you DH cannot loose weight just now due to worrying health issues and that our generation was brought up to consider making personal remarks the height of bad manners.
The devil in me is tempted to say this:
Your husband should make a point (and big fuss) of showing absolutely everyone his dentures (in a box) and explain that he's brought them along especially for the photos, as requested, but unfortunately he can't talk at all when wearing them.
(that'd teach her)
All the weddings I have really enjoyed have been the ones where the bride and groom did it quietly their own way, often the entire marriage organised in-house by family and friends, using venues like church and village halls for the reception.
Every one of those marriages has lasted, none ended in divorce.
Oh Monica how I agree all these big ceremony’s and for what ...all show and how expense
It's such a shame, the recent trend with a lot of weddings. The ridiculous costs, the dress codes, no kids invites, daytime or evening (not both) invites, expectations to go abroad or stay overnight etc. etc.
We've had to decline quite a few as too demanding or inconvenient for guests. It's all for the photos, all for show, all competitive. It should always be about love and family, of course.
My daughter was maid of honour for her friend. The friend became a self-obsessed, over-demanding 'crazy bitch' (bridezilla) focussed entirely on her big day and oblivious to the feelings of others. Somehow, my daughter held her tongue and, after the wedding, cut all contact!
I wouldn't be offended I would be outraged. She is treating the family of the man she loves like stage props. Cannot say that that bodes well for the future.
Personally, I would ban all big marriage extravaganzas. Let people get married quietly and thoughtfully, without all the fuss and bother and just celebrate when they have been married for 10 years (assuming the marriage lasts that long).
We do meet up with her family on birthdays of the little ones as our joing GS's but never invited to their birthdays or anniversries etc. I understand that and not bothered i get on quite well with DIL mother and and very well with DIL grandparents as for houting I realize its not nice for a child to be bellowed at but my son has calmed that down. Anyway all this happens in families. They have different ways of discipline and that is entirely up the them I do not comment or get involved.
My husband will eear the dentures he just needs to get used to talking with them in. Its only for a short time anyway
So sorry about your DH's problems, I reckon he will be happier himself if he puts his teeth in even if its just for the photos! I guess this is one more wedding where the mother of the bridegroom is going to have to keep smiling come what may. Try not to have a your end and their end for this family event and how about chatting up your future DIL's relations that should throw everybody!
Ohhh, thanks, Luckygirl!
BradfordLass!
This has nothing to do with the wedding.
Something caught my eye in your update
"Your son cannot tell off (aka shout) at his son"
Is your son really shouting at his son? Or your future dil interprets it as shouting?
If your son shouts as a discipline method, your future dil is right on telling your son to cut it off
This girl is beginning her married life with concern for trivial appearances. She has a long way to go.
This is extremely rude! What's your son saying/doing about all of this? I'd reconsider attending any wedding if anyone was ride enough to ask me to loose any weight especially when stricken with all the medical issues you've mentioned. So sorry! I know it must be gut wrenching for you too.
Yes they have been living together for 7-8 years and we have never really clicked. They have been on/off since aged 15. My son wont say too much to her. He cant even tell their eldest son off as she says dont shout at him. Talk to him. My GS is very spoiled and has been from birth by all of her side. But the younger one aged 3 is allowed to do more and gets into stuff like a child should do. Its something we have to live with now thanks to everyone for help and support
Well obviously your son and wife have been together a good while if they have a 6 year old so they should be used to his looks size etc Bugger the dentures tell hi to smile with his lips closed for the photos
I bet she’s not as perfect as she thinks
Your son should stand up for his dad and you
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