Toddlers. TELL don't ASK...

Bril - 99% of us seem to be on the same page. Choice is fine if its relevant to age. It is NOT appropriate or good for the child if it appears to put them in charge of family decisions. Small choices for small children -
'Shall we have lunch?' NO 'Would you like pasta or soup?' YES.
And never frame something as a question if the child actually has no choice in the matter because that is confusing, frustrating, irritating, too much pressure for the child and just very obviously WRONG. Thanks all.
Now - who is going to explain this to today's parents who are already used to outsourcing decision making to the latest App?????????????

How on earth do you work that out HM999 ? Because I asked a genuine question about retired/ex teachers ? Makes me dislike them does it ?( notice no one answered) . I have been “accused” of not liking teachers a few times on GN. Usually by those retired teachers who cannot possibly have their “know all” attitude questioned or take a single ounce of criticism

For the record I have a huge amount of respect for some teachers, a fair bit for some, a little bit for others and very little for a few. Infact pretty much like everyone else in every other walk of life . Teachers are not super humans you know !

Meant to add that I once said that my DGD didn’t like her teacher ( most of the class didn’t ) . I might as well have said “ I’m going to school to murder my DGD’s teacher” for the backlash I got . Pathetic .

I’ve looked after my grandchildren when small and I would say “ lunch time” and put it on the table. Of course I wouldnt give them anything I knew they disliked but otherwise no choice.....the same as I brought my children up. Then ... eat up , we’re off to the park...... or , were into the garden for some weeding. I don’t understand giving little people too much say in what they do and where they go. Now I look after/ fetch youngest from school three times a week.... I tell them what’s for tea... they eat it and I offer them dessert .....I’ve cooked their tea ...I know you like it... ergo; you’re eating it. And they do. I don’t waste time manufacturing pointless arguments with kids. They know it .... and still seem to quite like me .

I think asking children can go to far, we invite over our son and grandchild whose 7 when his mother is at work, the son will say I’ll ring you back when I’ve asked our grandson what he wants to do, so if the grandson says no they don’t come.

I think tone of voice is as important as anything. You can tell a child to do things nicely using a please and thank you or you can bark an order. The latter is only used in our house when somebody is refusing to comply with the former! I have always wanted to give my children a voice (something I didn't feel I had) so I give them a choice wherever possible, I can be persuaded to change my mind if they give a rational and reasonable argument and I am usually happy to compromise. Most importantly, they have opportunities to say no when it is something to do with their bodies or personal space. My mother would force us to kiss and hug people, put 3 times the amount of something on the plate if you dared to say you didn't like it and would hit out if you dared to reason with her. I made up my mind that I would never do that to my kids. They need to have a voice.

I've just remembered something my dd told me when she was pregnant. She went to parenting classes where they learnt about different ways to parent. One was very much about giving your child free choice, including asking their permission to change their nappies. How a one-week-old baby was supposed to indicate their decision wasn't clarified. Dd decided that style of parenting wasn't for her.