Silent Treatment

Sparklefizz, anyone who did that to me wouldn't last 2 years. I am amazed at so many people's fortitude faced with partners whose behaviour is way beyond any limit I would accept.

My FIL was the same but his sulks used to last months at a time. Often for no clear reason whatsoever.
They lived in a very small house and all used to sit together (exactly like the TV programme The Royale Family), it was absolutely unbearable.
My poor MIL was treated like a complete doormat and was terrified of him. She was too scared to even speak when he was in one of his moods. He was a nasty bully, I can't imagine why she just put up with it, I certainly wouldn't.

OP don't just put up with it, life is too short.

Oh, this is my worst gripe. Not to go TMI but if I spring out of bed too early, don't cuddle, half the time he'll pout later when he finally gets up.

But it's the time of year when I have to get up very early to get my walk in without overheating. It's such a drag to come back from a vigorous workout to face that bad mood. I try to ignore it because if I ask what his problem is, he'll just claim it's his back or knee pain, like he doesn't really know.

I was young when my parents divorced but believe now my father was this same way. He was way too much of a "dark presence" in my mom's life for her to put up with forever.

Life is too short. Let him sulk and stew on his own and go off out, overnight for a few days if that is possible. One useful bit of advice from a 'toddler taming' book I read a good few years back; ^there is no show without an audience^. He is acting like a toddler so treat him like one,there is little point in sulking and giving the silent treatment to an empty house!

My MIL was like this, I found she could send my blood pressure off the clock just waiting to see which way the wind was blowing that day. Make arrangements to leave and enjoy your stress free life!

I'm no good at the silent treatment.
I always forget and start chatting.

My mother was like that, it was hell. Made for a miserable family life at times. We always felt as if it were our fault. You deserve better, best wishes for the future, hope you can find a solution that works for you. Good luck

Horrible, abusive, passive aggressive behaviour.

Put a note under his door with the names of some therapists, pack a bag and go to your nearest Travel Lodge.

TenaciousB, I am really sorry to hear that your husband is treating you like this and has done so for the past 39 years. Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment is soul destroying and I’m not surprised you’ve had enough.

My own mother used the silent treatment on me from as far back as I can remember. I suffered with chronic anxiety as a result and it was only through counselling that I discovered just how abusive the silent treatment is.

As another poster said, you deserve better. You do not need to live like this. I hope you are okay.

MissA
Me too.

It must be horrible Tenacious.. if you must stay with him, I hope you can join some organisations, make friends and just go out and leave him to 'stew in his own juice'.
He must enjoy feeling so self-righteous.

GG, me too, the silent treatment from Mother, it is terrifying to a small child who doesn't even understand what they have " done wrong"

It can lead to all sorts of problems and attachment disorders. It is every bit as cruel as other sorts of punishment.

TenaciousB I hope some of these posts have been helpful?

You definitely don't have to feel bad just because he wants you to.

I suggest just ignoring it and not breaking the silence yourself. That way he will have to eventually give in and take some responsibility for his childish behaviour. Then when over, maybe ask him why he does it and listen! Talk about how it makes you feel and tell him that in future you will ...whatever suits you ...when he does this!

I certainly have experience of this
There’s often not an obvious trigger either
I’ve been wondering if it’s ‘ old man grumps ‘ as well as passive aggressive treatment
They seem to stress about themselves all the time on minor issues eg age rather than do anything positive to get themselves out of it
I can’t be bothered with it but it does create a black cloud /bad atmosphere in the house so I prefer to be out
Even my son said his dad was becoming more childlike in his behaviours
I don’t think it’s Alzheimers or anything just an entrenched behaviour getting worse over time
Girls just wanna have fun springs to mind just do what makes you happy in these circumstances

Dont put up with it. Ive got to the stage I would say that if they want to sulk like a 2 year old they can get on with it. Then go do your own thing. Tell them that when they want to act like an adult , you will then be willing to talk. What is it with men? In all honesty Ive never come across women who behave like this. I call these types joysuckers as they definitely suck the joy out of everything. To the lady who finished with the chap after the holiday, good on you. I bet your holidays are alot more fun now. I basically at one point told a partner of mine if he didnt grow up and his behaviour didnt change I was leaving. I couldnt live with huffs and sulks. Think it woke him up a bit as behaviour improved. Don't be fooled, its totally passive aggressive and punishing you for something you have supposedly done. Do not put up with it. As one poster suggested even book yourself into a hotel for a couple of nights , tell him you are not returning until this behaviour ceases and you discuss things in a proper adult manner. I really cant be a***d with sulky, huffy men. Ive already brought up my children. I don't intend to start bringing up adult children.

When my other half does it I enjoy the peace.

Timetogo, I know it isn't funny but you made me laugh.?

I think you are being a bit too 'tenacious' sticking with this so called 'man' - I really would leave him - 61 is relatively young - you could have at least 20 more years of this malarkey if you keep brushing it under the carpet.

What a great username.

Luckily I don't know anyone who gives the silent treatment.
If your husband was mine I would have exploded at him years ago. Tell him to grow up!
Walk out and go and do your own thing.

Do men ever grow up ?.
I would buy him a dummy.
Try your hardest to ignore him and not talk him out of it he may just get fed up with his stupid ways.

Silent treatment as such, no, but my DH can suddenly decide that we have talked enough about a problem and refuse to discuss it further.

Usually when this happens the problem hasn't been solved. I find it difficult to solve a problem that concerns us both if I may not say anything about it.

Right now DH is "dealing" with a problem by doing nothing and as I have just been told rather rudely to shut up about it, I am leaving him to it.

Unsatisfactory, but I really don't know what else I can do.

grandetanteJE65, that is exactly how my husband behaves too, if he`s not rolling his eyes and not respecting my concerns. So annoying.

OP I hope you can just ignore the childish behaviour and do your own thing.

After 39 years, he's learned he can get away with it - because you've let him.
I don't wonder you're fed up and I don't blame you one bit for saying 'Enough!'

If he does this because he didn't get his own way, or you had an arguments, then he is no better than a toddler and the advice when they play up is to ignore it.

That, in your case, is no food preparation, no laundry, no intimacy (Good old Lisistrata!) nothing at all for which he relies on you.
It can't possibly make the atmosphere worse than it is.

If, on the other hand, this is a manufactured sulk because he just wants to retreat and have some peace and quiet , then making sure you go out and do your own thing is the answer.

He can still ring for a takeway if he gets hungry.

Just go on with your life, or even make it better and more interesting if you can. But stick to your guns because he should not be rewarded for his sulks and making your life miserable, by your pandering to him with meals and other conveniences.

By Jingoes he's lucky he doesn't live with me!! He'd never sulk again after the first time.

My dad was guilty of doing this. One day my mum starting opening the cupboards and drawers, lifting the cushions on the sofa and armchairs. He couldn't contain himself and asked 'what are you looking for' she replied 'Oh you found it, your voice!!!!!