Divorce questions

You WILL get 1/2 his pension and he 1/2 of yours:

"As part of the process of divorce, the assets of a marriage are assessed so that they can be divided between the couple. Divorce pension sharing now means that pensions are included in the total value of marital assets. It allows one person to get a percentage of the total value of the other person's pension." Google "pension sharing order" divorce-online

I seem to be in a similiar position - hubby retired I'm still working 2 days a week. To be honest I'm only staying at work because I'd dread to be at home with him 24/7.
Seems to constantly argue about anything no matter how small, does nothing but moan. No affection at all, I feel trapped financially.
I think he has depression (he did suffer from this previously) but if it is this its not like before. I feel I can't do anything right, and once the argueing starts I have to walk away or his temper seems to get worst. I've tried to talk about our relationship and how I feel but he won't decuss it.
Any advice?

It's going to be so worth all the hassle for your future enjoyment and peace of mind. You have put a lot of work into the marriage and supported him in his success so deserve half of everything. Here's to future happiness!

Absent, kicking up my heels and dancing is what I used to do, ive lost my sense of fun the last few years. I always said I wouldnt turn into his parents and here we are, him in the pub or his office, me keeping the cat company. He is spiteful like his father and I am determined not to be a scared shadow of the woman I once was like his mother became. I am sick of being a grumpy cow permanently wound up waiting to pop. I spend so much time alone Im not bothered about living alone but the finances do scare me and no way could I pay off large credit card debts, I dont earn enough. I will read the links posted, thanks to those that put them up, and try and get as much as possible from first solicitor meeting. He needs to do checks to ensure he can work for me (be a shock to find oh got there first ) but I think OH will use his family solicitor. While he is away this weekend I am going to see what paperwork I can find in his office, although most gets shredded. Thanks all for help so far x

These days mediation is mandatory and you both pay as you go at each session. I thought it was a complete waste of time tbh and just a third solicitor making money with very little input. I then had a long chat with my solicitor about it who was shocked about how little we had covered. I had to write to say tbh the mediation was stressing me out more than the divorce and the remaining sessions were cancelled. I think there was meant to be six sessions at about £180 each for each session. You have to give a valid reason or you have to continue, it's a legal scam.

Same as FFriend......divorced in 2000, after 25 years of marriage. I never ever went out to work. I was awarded the house, savings and a monthly alimony payment. I took a gamble . My solicitor asked me if I wanted a lump sum, or a monthly alimony payment. I chose the latter. But the Judge in his wisdom, awarded me the family home etc. and a monthly alimony. He knew that my husband had a 'woman', because she accompanied him to the hearings . Big mistake on his part. Judges are human

I went to mediation, he agreed to go too. He insisted I would have no share in his large pension, the mediators said in that case I would get the house. He went along with all this, and the mediators put it to the court, who agreed.
Then he decided he had been shafted by the mediators, and refused to pay his half of the fee to them. So they took him to court and the judge told him what a twit he was being and charged him court costs as well.
That was 17 years ago. I went on working 5 years over, having deferred all my pensions, and now I am securely comfortable if not exactly rich. And mortgage free, having downsized.
Mediators have a set price, unlike solicitors. You have to use one sometime, but if the questions are sorted they can't charge too much

Divorce is expensive, mine left me with over 20k of legal bills, his was double. I paid it on my credit card and then took out several zero interest credit cards and I'm gradually paying it off by transferring the balance each time interest is due. The courts will decide the split not your OH just don't let him bully you. Mine did his best to convince me I'd be destitute without him but I'm the one with the house and excellent credit rating and he'll probably work till he drops.

I am sorry to hear how wretched your life has become and hope that you find some real joy in the future. A good solicitor will ask you questions about your situation, what you want in the future, etc. It's not entirely down to you to "ask the right questions", except, perhaps, how to get out of this marriage with some substantial – and deserved – financial support. Good luck – I hope you can kick up your heels and dance for the rest of your life.

Apologies for dreadful typos am tired and eyes ache and my fingers are too fat

Thank you for your replies. Beford we had children I was thd biggest earner and destined to climb further up the ladder. When we hsd our girst chikd I went back to work fairly quickly and paid nursery fees ad we needed the extra money. As time went on I could not sustain my job, caring for our chikd and running a home so stepped down and took a part time role couple grades lower. I got made redundant a year later! Got another job 2 days later but back full time and managed for couple years. Eventually went part time when srcond child came along meanwhile still juggling childcare and running house (cooking/cleaning etc). Because I was still working oh was able to add to his pension hence nice sum and early retirement at 60. I have struggled to pay to run my car etc but managed. If we go away i osy for flights and do food shopping he pays s for meals out. I am quite a strong person and have held responsible senior positions but over ladt few years feel useless, grumpy and uncared for. I know he has "hidden" money and has several accounts. I can access one as it still has my name on it ad was our original joint account. Im not sure where the others are and he shreds any letters/paperwork. My name us on all properties and as much as I love our house I now would be happy for him to buy me out and think there may be enough to buy a small property. If I thought he would accept a 50/50split things would be easier buf I know he will get nasty and it is going to end up costing money I dont have. If I took out all thd things I have bought he would be left with a house a couple pieces of furniture and a garage full of tools/bikes. He sees no worth in what I have provided just says that he paid the mortgage and the bills. I have been given the name if a string divorce solicitor and am going to make an appointment I just want to make sure I ask the right questions to get the most benefit from first meeting. I have not told my children because I know one of them would tell him just to "be fair" (same child let slip he had opened savings accounts in joint names with them and sibling). Im not scared about living alone, I have animals, and I have work its the sorting everything out and the living in same house once he knows that scares me.

Hi, my husband decided after 45 years of what I thought was a happy marriage, to leave me for a woman he had met online who lives in America. He cleared our savings account and left me with £489. Some of you may remember me you were all so helpful, I was stunned and heartbroken.
Since you have a property abroad, it might be worth asking if you can stop your husband going there until after the divorce is through. make sure you have the name of his pension company, and policy/account number. I think he will get a rude awakening.
I can't imagine what it will be like still living in the same house, I hope things go well for you good luck.

This could be me after 40 years we are splitting. just going through it all now sold house split money without a solicitor. It’s scary the future for me but I will have peace away from arguments and misery I’m so unhappy and yes I too am in my 60s and have to wait nearly 3 years for my pension. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living with him and like u I never want to care for him in his old age. It will be great to be free from the arguments. Your entitled to half of pension and house I’m living frugal on my savings and moving soon but life will be better in a different way when I and u will too have peace in life. After so long it’s a scary future but the alternative is a life of misery and living old age with regret I wish u every luck for the future

Also I have been reading (in case dd ever gets divorced) is what they call a Clean Break it is worth reading up on it, it means neither parties can claim any money from the other after the divorce.

If one of you wind the lottery! the other cannot claim any of it.

Have a google its worth reading.

Hello, all I can tell you do not use your solicitor as a counsellor they charge for every second of their time. Getting advice from CB is a good idea and write down everything you need to know. Make sure you know about all bank, savings accounts etc forewarned is for armed. My ex hid a lot of money and due to a very biased judge accepted that the account once we had found out about it was for emergency utility payments and never enquired how much was in the account. You need to have all outgoings and incomings, you will be asked on what grounds you are divorcing. Once you have your decree nisei do not go for absolute until the finances are agreed. Good luck

Download this: www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/sorting-out-your-finances-when-you-get-divorced#introduction

Excellent survival guide to divorce. A lot won't be relevant to you (young family) but will hopefully give you the questions or what facts to get ready for when you see the solicitor.

Jump to page 20 - assets.
Towards the end there are lots of examples/situations.

You'll get there.

Apart from a share of the houses and you should get a share of his pension too, so get ready for a very great change in the way you live
But beware, try to make it an amicable separation because a fiercely contested divorce will cost a great deal in court fees. As there is property abroad, be aware if he chooses to go and live abroad getting the cash may not be easy, in theory it is but in practice can be very difficult.

If you both wish an amicable divorce, check out The CO-OP divorce web site.
Came out in 2018.

However if you wish to make a claim on his pension etc then it may be worth looking locally for a solicitor (Divorce) which offers an initial free or fixed fee interview.

Good luck

Yes that's right Twiceasnice my ex denied he had savings as well and the onus was on me to prove differently. Not very fair. That was some years ago though, I don't know if the law has changed at all.

Technically you are entitled to half the house/assets and each is entitled to half the others pensions. However that’s if husband cooperates . My ex didn’t turn up at court, fought me over every little thing, and proceedings cost me a fortune in solicitors fees. In the end I said I would take a lump sum, he bought me out of the house and I forgo pensions share just to get rid of him.

I’m convinced he had money squirrelled away which he denied, he probably lied to the court about several things ; but you have to prove it) and generally I had a bad deal.

However the fact I’m on my own and happy after dealing with it all , is priceless!

As your husband is financially stable you should get half and half, but not all divorced women do minniemoo my first husband left the country without me or the children getting a penny
Second one who I lived happily with for eight years, after six he so wanted to get married, against my better judgement as I thought we were ok as we were, after two years of marriage and having moved into my deceased Nans home (she left half to me half to my mum and I was buying mums half) he told me he was having an affair and leaving The solicitor told me he was entitled to half my Nans house as he had resided in it after we were married, however he agreed if I took over his debts which were considerable less than half the house he would forego the property so twice I divorced with not a penny
I wish you good luck tooyoung I would say CAB first if you are not too well off don’t stay in a loveless marriage

Everything starts on a 50/50 basis and a few adjustments can be made but basically you'll be entitled to half his pension and half the jointly owned properties. He's living in la la land if he believes otherwise.

Yes, it's should be 50:50 but you do need legal advice. I think your husband is in for a surprise.

The courts usually pool everything including his pension and your homes, and the split is about 50-50 . Your husband is living in fantasy land if he thinks he can keep his entire pension ! See a solicitor and get things moving.

All divorced women that I know have all ended up quite comfortably. With half of the man's pension. Get to a solicitor who will quickly outline what you're entitled to and good luck! You deserve some happy times.