Lost some confidence with my son

Some boss others or are sulkers because they know which people they can manipulate - the ones who won’t stand up to them.

maggiemaybe that’s actually unfair as alexa chose to share her news with him but didn’t like the answer or the delivery
To be honest she should have either said ‘bxxxxx off’ with a laugh or ‘I might have known I d get it wrong, do you want a cup of coffee’ but she has chosen to allow it to upset her
Very telling saying he compared her unfavourably to his ‘perfect’ daughter (quite a loaded quote implying she’s slightly jealous of the daughters status) I m presuming there was some put down like ‘ even my daughter would have known that
But really Alexa this is not something to get upset or withdraw conversation over I m sure many of us have had children say things that makes us feel the child and them the parent
Laugh it off life’s too short there’s people struggling with children in prison, or with heavy addictions, or withdrawn from their lives be glad your son still visits and is interested even if he is an arrogant sod ???

I don’t think my saying his behaviour was unacceptable is unfair, BlueBelle, from what we’ve been told. Obviously there are two sides to every story, but we can only comment on what we know.

Unlike you, I wouldn’t presume to take a guess at what he’s actually said, or suggest that Alexa is jealous of her granddaughter. I’d call that unfair.

Bluebelle don’t hold back

I once had to really speak seriously to my mother about something she had done. It was a really unacceptable thing. I felt bad doing it but it had to be done. She went in a major huff but we had decided that it was better that I spoke to her as 'bad cop' and left my sister in her usual role of 'good cop'.
I hope I'll understand if my poor DD has to read the riot act to me when I'm ancient enough to behave so badly!

Pecs, it's true the context matters quite a lot. My son is very wise and clever and I'd say his advice is always well thought out and effective. He can put his mind to a problem and very often solve it and sort it. He also is an Ebay seller and his diatribe was from the side of the Ebay seller.it's not about money is tight or I am habitually stupid about security, although he has warned me how to take care online. He is as kind to me as he could be and I think very highly of his advice and help.
He did in fact show me I had taken the wrong action about the Ebay transaction. I said I agreed with him and tried to explain how I had misjudged the |Ebay thing but he didn't seem to be listening to me.
Anyway I have sent a message to the seller with an apology for the negative feedback which is at least something I can do.

I mean it's not about money is tight!

Never mind. I bet he feels as badly about how he handled things as you do. Maybe he's posting on 'Sonsnet' about the incident?

How does the son know you have wasted £15.00?

I wondered if I should post to the grans about such a comparatively trivial thing, as I know some grans have really serious troubles. I thank you all for your help and advice.

It's because it's so trivial that I was worried. Why would he make such a thing of it? I am not stupid, and he only has to tell me simply and I understand.

Just make sure he knows that if he starts again, Alexa.

Interesting comment, janea.

Mossfarr you have just reminded me of my lovely DM who passed away last year ! When she was in hospital she would loudly say Do you have to be fat to work here ? In other ways she was the best mum though ! I thought it must’ve been having lived through rationing ! As to sons putting mums down it does seem to be a thing as if it’s showing their with their wives now. I have 5 and 1 stepson . I will tell one of the other sons to have a word with the offending son but not every mum can do that!

I have several times been "lectured" by my son for not doing the right thing that I have done sometimes either because I can't be bothered or been in a hurry. In some cases he was correct in what he said, but not always!
It hurts for a bit because you feel stupid for a couple of hours, but not really worth getting too upset over.
Personally I can't see the point of him lecturing over not contacting an ebay seller - it's done and finished and quite frankly, wouldn't have bothered telling him about it - you are not the only one that will have done this !

I gather, Alexa, that you felt you had in some way deserved the lecture, but were hurt by the manner it was given in, and the comparison between you and your granddaughter.

In your place, I would wait until the next time you see your son, then you could mention that although you agreed with his point of view during your last disagreement or discussion, you did not care for the manner in which he gave it. Then see what he says.

If you are afraid that saying something about it, will make matters worse, you could leave it entirely until or unless it happens again, when I think you should tell your son that you find his manner of laying down the law rude and unkind.

I think men always feel it is their place to tell female relatives what they should do, especially if the female is on her own: I have had this a few times since DH died so they don't get told anything! I am well practised at that, I had an extremely interfering mother!

I d let it go Alexa you have a good relationship with him and he you I guess because it’s part of his business it all seems obvious to him
I do think adult children with their knowledge of technical stuff etc do have the edge on us I often have to ask things and it does feel wrong to be asking advise off someone you still see as your child or even worse grandchild one of my granddaughters who I love dearly isn’t always the most patient if I ask for help with phone or iPad she ll tend to say oh I ll do it instead of patiently explaining to me but I forgive and think well i was probable the same at her age
Don’t worry

Should my son even attempt to lecture me it would be nipped in the bud PDQ !
That said maybe he was simply having a bad day and your simple error was a way to vent his frustrations. I would forget it, too trivial to really worry about surely.

Alex, that's exactly like how my brother is these days. Instead of the easy friendship and laughs we used to have, now I feel like I am walking on eggshells.

My mother used to come out with words that were culturally inappropriate in 21st century. We would say that we don't say things like that these days. Not to make us feel better but to protect her.

Read this thread with interest as I was lectured by my AC aged 29 last night- a result of him having had a few too many beers I think - in which he told me in some sort of bungling corporate speak that I’m “not an abundant thinker” which I took to mean I’m narrow minded or not particularly knowledgeable. I was fuming but said nothing except for a sarcastic “thanks for the advice.” Generally he’s kind and courteous, but I’ve noticed before there’s a tendency to talk down to me when he’s had a few.

I’ve never seen any evidence that he does this with anyone else; not girlfriends or any other females, so feel bad sad and more than a bit mad that he does it to me!

I just either say 'Well, I've nothing more to say...gave a nice day, goodbye' if it's a phone call or...at a relatives home, I'd get my bag and leave saying 'I don't have to listen to this, thanks for for the coffee/lunch/whatever'.
Nothing would induce me to further the conversation or change my mind about leaving.

gave have

It sounds like you touched a nerve, Alexa and it made him a bit more bombastic than you would have liked. I get it from his point of view because negative feedback jumps out at a potential buyer but it is done now so I would put it out of your mind. When my kids are a bit like this with me (and it does happen occasionally) I point out with a chuckle that it was me that taught them to eat with a spoon and I did it with a much kinder tone.
I think we get to a certain age and our children think they've earned the right to be the parent. To be fair, I feel like that about my Mum who has just rung me to tell me (in very panicky voice) that she NEEDS a piece of jewellery she left round my house last week. I took it around immediately because it is obviously bothering her but I did tell her to take it with her next time. She probably feels like you do with your son. Guilty as charged.

Unless he paid the £15 or the negative feedback was on his account then he should keep his big mouth shut - how dare he lecture you!
I have left negative feedback on eBay without contacting the seller - received a broken toy not as described (It was an Xbox but only 1 controller worked - not as described)
I didn’t want the bother of returning it and bought a new controller - I left negative feedback to warn other people - I didn’t want to discuss it with seller who obviously knew - I wanted to warn others, so no, your son was not right and it’s entirely your choice - Don’t let him talk to you like that and please tell him how you feel - it may become a habit he can’t get out of otherwise / he needs to be told how he made you feel. Don’t accept it.

Well i would not give a toss about the awkward silences - if he asked about my news i would say - i have none - end of. How dare he talk to you in such a condescending manner, Ok we are no longer young, perhaps a bit dated, slow, but we were not always that way and apart from the fact that you brought him up - were you that way then - certainly not. Sorry but i don't like it one bit. Its disrespectful and unkind. Big hug to you xxx