Well meant gift

I agree that generation is very independent.Our late neighbour needed a lift to hospital and back and we invited him in for a cuppa afterwards . The next day a Thankyou letter and £15 not needed or expected but we said Thank you . He would have been offended if we had returned it.

I would take it, say thank you and wait.....When his wife comes back, use the money to buy something special and invite them over for dinner. You can mention any other time that you appreciated his gift, but I don't think you need to mention how he subsidized the grocery bill. Your invitation speaks for itself and would be an appropriate gesture in return.

I think as long as you know by taking the money it hasn't left your neighbours in dire straits, then say thank you and enjoy however you spend it.
They , and you, sound lovely people. Maybe get together socially sometimes, rather than just helping out.

Well well, thank you all for responding, seeing an overwhelming support for not returning the money and your various reasons has settled my mind considerably we have had them over in the past for wine and nibbles, so I’m sure a meal near the festive season would be appropriate. I have reread the post a couple of times now and there is so much that I have got from it especially seeing it from his perspective, thank you all again

Just receive it with thanks. When you get back home thank him again and tell him what a lovely meal you had. Lots of people love to do things for people who help them to show their appreciation. It’s just a small way of showing thanks. Obviously, if it was any more I would be concerned, but let him enjoy his generosity.

Wine and nibbles sound great, Badgerbadger!

Enjoy the meal. I'm sure he knows you don't expect anything for all the little things you do to help out and he appreciates you all the more for that. He obviously feels you deserve reward and if he couldn't have afforded the money his gift would have been smaller. Be grateful and carry on being such good neighbours as you are

I have a very kind neighbour who is very helpful as and when. So as a thank you I make him up a box of goodies at Christmas which I know he enjoys and it gives me pleasure to give it. He once said if I offered him money he would feel insulted, hence the indulgence at Christmas (sorry just realised I have mentioned the C word twice and its only August!)

I would say, accept a gift like that graciously with a smile and a Thank You.Please don't try to give it back that would be very rude. Why do we always feel uncomfortable if someone gives us a gift of money while a bottle, of what might be expensive wine is acceptable?

Learn to be a gracious receiver as the two previous posts have advised.

It gave him pleasure to think he was, after all, treating you to a lovely meal. Why on earth would you want to spoil that?

It amazes me how many people prefer to refuse a 'thank you' gift because they feel uncomfortable.

Really, Badger, it's not about you.

'Oh you shouldn't have...'
'I really can't take that...'
'Oh that's not necessary...'

And other refusals must be the cause of endless unhappiness and embarrassment to people who simply wanted to offer a gesture of thanks. How sad.

Think of the Giver, not yourself.

Mr C began to occasionally help a neighbour who is 20 years older than us. Nothing major, usually no more than 30 minutes of time. We would wake up to find a bottle of wine on the doorstep. It felt awkward, we’re more than happy to help her. After a while this neighbour offered to have our key when we’re away, she picks up the post and has family’s phone number in case anything seems awry. Taking her flowers on our return there was a grumbled ‘I’m just being neighbourly’. This gave us the opportunity to laugh together and acknowledge that worked both ways. We now often have a cuppa together and spend a couple of hours chatting She still leaves wine if Mr C helps out, we still take her flowers when we get back from a trip as we all feel better. Having experienced both sides I’m pleased you’ve decided to keep your neighbours gift badger and I’m sure the offer of some relaxed time together would be welcomed.

I think I would want to send a card as Jane10 suggested. I would be concerned that he would start to do it regularly.

BradfordLass I think you’ve said it all. I completely agree with you. We’ve done little things for our neighbours and been given wine, eggs in return. These things are not expected but if it makes the givers feel happier then why not?
How nice to live in a street where people help and appreciate each other. We hear enough stories of people not even knowing who their neighbours are.

I think it's lovely and a refreshing change from people who take and never give thanks.

You could say it was lovely and you enjoyed it but say quite firmly it was a one off?

Probably, you, OP, like me were brought up not to accept money when you did someone a favour. I remember as a child being allowed to accept a sweetie or two, but not money to go into my piggy bank.

You are up against a neighbour whose values insist that he "doesn't accept charity", so something has to give.

I think I would accept gracefully this time, but if it happens again, tell him politely that you feel uncomfortable accepting a present like that, it makes you feel he is paying and you were not brought up to look for payment when you helped a neighbour.

Accept it with the graciousness it was given. He appreciates your kindness. He'd be hurt if you returned it.