Any advice on disinterested ‘friends’

I would give your husband one last chance - talk to him ON THE WAY to meeting up with them next time about including you more, and that if he doesn't help this time, you won't meet them again. If he still doesn't do it, and they still don't show any interest in you, then I would leave him to meet up with them on his own. They are obviously not interested in you and why would you put yourself through that? Just because you're a couple doesn't mean you're joined at the hip!

I just wanted to add, I understand exactly how you feel. I have been with my DH for 18 years and married for 10 years. I too find some members of his family and one of his friends from schooldays and his wife hurtful in that they witter on about their children/grandchildren yet never enquire about mine. I try not to let it bother me but it does. Over the years, I have got rather tired of the 'one way street' and now show some interest in what they have to say but I am not enthusiastic about seeing them as I was. I think they are rather selfish and certainly wouldn't try to talk about my family when they are clearly not interested. My advice is grit your teeth and don't let it come between your DH and yourself - it's not worth it

I wouldn't say this is a problem confined to married couples. I meet people I know and always enquire after their family; they tell me at great length about them and their activities but rarely do they bother to enquire about my family. They are simply not interested.

I agree with GrauntyHelen ,why put yourself through it, have a pleasant evening at home with a glass of wine etc.
But if you feel you should go & be supportive then you will indeed need to grin & bear it ( with excessive visits to the loo!) best wishes.

There will always be those who never let sleeping dogs lie. Your H is not helping and regardless as to why his previous marriage did not survive which is no business of his friends he does not put himself out where involving you in these conversations are concerned. The more you let it go on the less it will change making you feel even more left out. Come on, twenty years is history, and time H got a grip. You can refuse to meet up and put this to H that should this 'childish attitude' continue as that is what it is then he can meet them on his own .

I agree with those saying dont go. Nanny41 let him rage he should have more respect for you.

I agree with those saying dont go. Nanny41 let him rage he should have more respect for you.

I agree with those saying dont go. Nanny41 let him rage he should have more respect for you.

I too have experienced this situation. I met my future husband 20 years ago and he had already been divorced 10 years. We often had to spend the weekend with my husband's friends as they are very sociable and always having parties and I don't think they have once asked me about myself. They don't know what job I did, anything about my family etc but I could write a book on theirs! They send birthday cards and presents to my husband but they have no idea when mine is. I tried to fit in for years (difficult as they are hard-drinking, right-wing and I am not) but then I decided to do the minimum to keep the peace and call in sick most of the time. I don't think they have ever enquired about my mystery illness!

Don't go down the sarcasm route, that will just cause further problems. I agree with others, you should show an interest in them and their families. Try to chat to the wife, be interested (without being nosey) in her, but occasionally say things like "I know how you feel, I'm the same with my grandchildren ", for instance. Also your husband must, must, must, bring you into the conversation!

I wouldn't even bother! Your husband has 'history' with them, not you. Certainly wouldn't go the route of acting bored/reading/making a scene. You would just look silly (m.o)

I would just tell your husband you don't wish to meet up with them and if he wants to that is up to him. No reason you should try to forge any kind of relationship or 'try' to get them on side. Some people are just plain rude and not worth giving a thought to.

I dont think that friends need to be "our" friends. Some are, some are just his, and some are just mine.

I HATE when people try to be "couple friends" with us if we dont all 4 of us naturally click

I have one friend who keeps trying to force our DHs together and it makes me avoid her. I like seeing her 1:1 but theres just no friendship there with the spouces, it makes it all polite small talk rather than a friends catch up when she tries to drag the men into it.

Dont go when he goes to see them, or have your own plans if they are coming to see him

DH, his best man, a childhood friend and his wife all come from the same neck of the woods, while my background is entirely different. Of course their conversation, particularly as we got older, got reminiscent of times and people I did not know. I cannot say that it ever bothered me. If they were staying with us I would quietly excuse myself and go and make tea or some such. If we were on their territory, I just drifted off into my own thoughts: planning the following day, next week's meals. There will always be something you can occupy your mind with.

I too would be inclined to accept that you don't necessarily need to like or get on with all your husband's friends.

If you want to go on seeing them, go prepared with various topics of conversation, but please don't start reading! The fact that they are being discourteous in not showing any interest in your interests hardly justifies your being rude, does it?

Are you sure they are uninterested in you and your concerns? If you are shy by nature, or hesitate to join in, they might just have felt you were the person who was showing no interest. Misunderstandings do happen.

Start the ball rolling, this time, by telling them something that is going on in your life, or if they don't give you the change, ask about the people or things they are discussing.

Whatever I said yesterday about my DH's boring family/friends, there is a once a year get together I would definitely not miss. The friends do a cracking barbeque and and she makes a cheesecake to die for. My DH and his brothers all drink too much, usually argue and sulk. This year one brother left early in a huff but what amused me most is one of the wives had her lunch then went inside and slept the rest of the afternoon on the settee. The weather was glorious and the garden full of beautiful flowers so a lovely day had by all. I only had to take a very drunk DH home and put him to bed but I definitely enjoyed myself.

I have this problem with DH’s family, he has children with his ex and she is still considered family... My DH loves me very much but is not good at picking up any awkwardness! So I arrange to do things with my own family and friends in this situation. How they feel about this is of no concern to me. I get on really well with his (adult) children and they understand the situation. Life will always have difficult moments..... ?‍♀️?

Dreadful way to behave, Diane27. Good job she’s out of your life ....

Temas, , absolutely right, you echo my feelings completely. I am so happyI joined Gransnet, it is comforting so many of you out there are there for others, and although you may have different opinions, offer good advice. A great service. Thanks!

I'm afraid I would not tolerate this behaviour ,I would just say to dh if you! want to go then go, but I won't be going , if it caused a row tuff, but my dh if he was still here would know I would stand my ground.

It is rude and unsociable what these people are doing, sod them.Its a form of control and bullying (not by your dh but the others) mean n nasty.,you don't need to put up with it.

Please don't go. It really isn't worth it. If your husband wants to go - so be it. Friends come and go and there has to be a willingness from both parties to make friendships work.
You actually describe exactly what happened to me with a couple who my husband had known since school days. Thankfully our meetings with the couple were infrequent in later years, usually down to my DH's insistence that they were invited to birthday celebrations, which for some reason they attended. In the very early days however I invited them around to ours for dinner or out to gigs but invariably when we got together "the wife" would talk about what they'd been up to and reminisce about the past completely ignoring me. At my surprise 50th birthday party they turned up - why I don't know - and my husband and I were talking to the couple (felt obliged to), when DH suggested we meet up for a drink and dinner to catch up properly. Do you know what she said? Maybe. How rude and suffice it to say we didn't bother with them anymore - not because of him, but her. She wasn't very nice and the husband didn't seem to notice.

Real friends care about you and you likewise to them. If this couple don't fit that bill, don't waste your time. You'll feel so much better for letting them go.

Try this conversation stopper, suggested to me by a friend: " Do you mind if I ask you something?" Of course the uninterested ( not disinterested) ones will reply, "No." Then you lean forward, and ask," Do you think vanilla flavoured Instant Whip tastes a bit soapy?" That'll make them notice you, and if they have any wit at all, realise you are taking the piss.