Gone Soft

Yes, I'm like that too. I used to be someone who rarely cried or showed emotion - now I cry at the drop of a hat. One of my granddaughters has a disability, and I only have to hear about a disabled child and I just dissolve. I need to toughen up !

I gave up watching 'Casualty' because I found it so distressing that these awful things were happening to somebody's child or husband or family. I certainly personalise all the various tragedies on the news too.
That's more longstanding than just since DGCs' arrival though.

I was like this after my third child was born, I’d cry at adverts on television, as you say, anything to do with babies or children, fortunately it didn’t last for too long, although I still seem to be moved to tears by the John Lewis Christmas advert every year.

I found I cried more easily as I got older but nothing to do with grandchildren. I do cry when I'm really angry and that frustrates me.

When my children were young and now with my grandchildren. Any court case or incident involving hurt or cruelty to a child, especially if they are the same age as my children/grandchildren are at that time, cuts me to the quick.

I wonder if it's partly getting older, the increasing realisation of the frailty of life, its unpredictability and acknowledging life can change in a second. That, along with not being in the world of work where we have to be tougher on ourselves, especially if we work in the 'caring' professions, including teaching.

I've become like this since I was widowed. Brought up to keep a stiff upper lip by wartime parents it was shocking to me to see how easily moved to tears I became and in public too.

Now I let the tears fall and think what the hell. It's healthier to let them out instead. I still hate 'hysterics' though. There's got to be a real reason for the tears or I find it annoying.

On another thread recently I mentioned how my doctor had told me that as oestrogen levels diminish after menopause, some women become anxious and tearful.

The other day - I hardly dare confess this, it's so daft - I read about a stalwart, brave old ship which gave sterling service in WW2, being used as a stationary target for a new US ocean missile.

And I cried for that poor old vessel, what a sad ending for a proud old lady (the boat, not me).

There's no hope for me.

I’m of the opinion that it’s may be the menopause. I cry at the drop of a hat watching something on TV. I keep telling myself that they’re just actors but it doesn’t help, I still just get overwhelmed and can’t stop myself. Last night I watched the last episode (on catchup) of The Handmaid’s Tale and was reduced to tears by the children being rescued and put on a plane. It just wells up in me and I don’t really know why.

having my own children made me more ....

but then , even as a child, and I am elderly now!!!!!
I saw the Belsen (mostly Auschwitz on the news now) but you know what I mean,, I was about 9 years old and that stays with me, the utter cruelty of human on human just tears me inside...

I agree it does seem harder to control the emotional stuff with the GC, I think this is partly age and experience of the horrors that happen to people and partly that we don't have any control, or very little, over what our grandchildren do, where they go etc. You know that even if they are enjoying a happy childhood life will catch up with them. I get a helpless feeling which isn't at all nice.

Something that helps me when I feel tearful over child cruelty: I send a donation to the NSPCC. That calms me for a few months. I suppose it makes me feel that at least I've done something, not just felt pity.

Totally agree.
I can not read or watch anything distressing about children or animals.
I feel guilty because, if we all do this, no one is looking and helping.
I cry more now than ever before, my kids find it amusing.

I can remember years ago each Christmas there'd be the usual play on the wireless, " A Christmas Carol " and mum wiping her eyes on the edge of her pinny when the part about Tiny Tim was mentioned. Of course it was years later that I began to understand what it was all about, but her tears never failed to fall each time.

I was made of harder stuff particularly when I went into nursing, though it didn't mean to say that I was emotion-free. Things were distressing at times, but I never told mum.

I can hold it together for most of the time but the worst time for me was when I saw my grandson after he'd been jumped by a couple of thugs as he was putting his key in the front door. He was in his early 20's at the time and just minding his own business. His face was unrecognisable with bulging black eyes. I completely broke down and after that he didn't leave the house for 3 years.

He's now in his 30's, works and enjoys life but blow me, when he was in Liverpool last year, shopping with his pal, he saw two thugs fighting a smaller youngster and GS just stopped and said hey, that's not on and before he knew it he was on his back ! A sock in his jaw sent him down.He reported the incident and went to hospital for x-rays but nothing was broken, but he was suffering dizziness for a long time so I told him to go to the GP. Again I was worried because he isn't a fighter or a yob.
I told him to ignore anyone who's getting beaten in future, just keep walking . Never ever get involved. I wouldn't.

Now, when I see/hear about young men being beaten/killed it really upsets me. Suicides in young men gets to me also.

We had decided not to have children when we got married because the future looked pretty bleak then. Biology took over and we had 2 and now 3 grandchildren. The threats we are facing seem much worse than those in the 1970's, I feel insecure in a way I never have before and worry for our 3. I am trying to cope by remembering that our parents had to live (and serve) through the wars - WW2 and Korea in my family's case - and survived; although it must have felt like a never ending apocalypse at the time. My mum especially, who was only 17 when she joined up in 1943, seemed to have really enjoyed some of the experiences she had serving in London and with both her father and uncle serving. I am trying to salve my conscience by telling myself that the world needs kind people and our family is kind - all working in or having worked in the health and care sector. The GC are all kind too.

I was the same when my first grandson was born and it took me years to get over it. It did coincide with the menopause which may or may not be significant.
I was so overwhelmed with the love I felt for him which I didn't have when my own we're born,it took a while for the love to appear with them. Could this be true for you?
When I had my own I was scared and felt all at sea and didn't know how I could cope with the responsibility.
When my first gs was born there were none of these worries,just pure unadulterated love and joy.

I am more tearful these days, especially if there are issues with people with diasbilities.
I am sometime affected by programmes such as Call the Midwife they are so well done, and bring home lots of things I remember when doing midwifery training in the 60,s

Yes, I relate to this completely. Until my GC arrived I only had a vague recollection of the different 'stages' and abilities. Whenever I see some awfulness having happened to a child of the same age as mine I immediately transfer it to being them and my inside crumples. Utterly hopeless and I don't know how to avoid this. Yet another 'high cost of loving' methinks. Oh, the trials that come with the joy!!

Reading some of these posts makes me realise my family is right when they say I'm missing the maternal gene.

My best friend has a child the same age as my daughter. She was born with a genetic disorder. She can't and won't walk, talk, can barely do anything.
I look at my healthy prem girls and I'm overwhelmed when I think of her struggle. To never hear their child say Mommy. I'm sobbing writing this.
I have to give mine a teary cuddle, she of course asks "What's wrong Mommy? Why are you crying?". Cue more tears.

sodapop….I really think it's all down to hormones!
You probably have a more well balanced combination!

Merryweather….I love your name! Are you a Black Beauty fan?

Yes I too cry more now than ever, and this level of emotion has built and built since my first child was born.
I adore my GC and found my emotions grew for them in a way I didn't expect.

This spills over and I feel for any child in need now.

I do wonder if our feelings towards GC are felt more strongly at this stage in our lives?

I'm not saying because we experience these feelings we have a right to express them, in ways that might upset parents.

Just that it would be nice if it was recognised that a softer heart was a positive thing sometimes.

Completely! Unbelievable how much love I have for mine. It actually hurts! Lol!

I think feeling for Grandchildren are also intensely tied up with our own children. We know how much they love their children, as we have been there, so the fear of anything happening to the GC is intensified because of the thought of our own loss and that of our children.

I was very close to my mother, and in the throes of mild PND I had nightmares about having to choose between my mother and my children in a catastrophe. I also knew that she would have cheerfully sacrificed herself to save them and me. I understand that even more now.

oooh! that was a bit deep!

I think I was rather unprepared for how I would feel about my grandchildren, and I definitely worry for their futures.

I think every drama is doubled with your grandchildren, because you can’t bear your grandchildren being hurt or upset, and you can’t bear your children being upset about it.

We have a grandchild with a disability, and when he was born, I was so upset for my poor daughter and son in law, and so sad and worried for the poor little baby, it gets you twice!