Gone Soft

I think the love you have for your grandchildren is like concentrated squash, even, impossibly , stronger than that for your children. Lord knows how I’ll feel if lucky enough to see a great grandchild!

Yes I am just the same. When I had my children I was young and hard working and hadn't time for too much sentiment. Now that I am older and have 4 grand children and past the menopause then I am a right cry baby. I hate those adverts for those poor children and animals on an afternoon but I too cannot afford to support them all. I give to Cancer Research as my dad died of Cancer. I also give to the Air Ambulance as they do fantastic work. Then I also knit dog blankets for Battersea Cat/Dogs home, so I feel like I do my bit.

I am the same, and I think it's a common thing because I notice that there are lots of charity appeals on afternoon TV which obviously targets seniors. It breaks my heart to see the children suffering and also the animals, but I haven't got the funds to save them all

Oh yes Gagajo We are the same. We have one granddaughter who is now a teenager. I never thought about having grandchildren but this girl has taken over our lives! My DH is worse than me. When she was small, if she so much as coughed he would look stricken. He won't watch any TV programmes that involve harm coming to children or young women. We weren't this bad with our own daughter.

I think maybe some of it is that after I had cancer, I toughened up. My students at school didn't seem to notice the difference, but I definitely became a LOT more selfish, putting myself first most of the time.

Since the birth of GS, I think he's broken through the shell I'd developed.

I was never a fan of small kids before this. I found toddlers irritating and annoying, much preferring teenagers. But I'm a puddle of goo with the lovely boy. :-)

I don't cry easily, only if it's my own AC GC or GGC but those occasions have been really rare.
I never have cried at films or when reading a book.
The only book which touched me was The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho which I've read dozens of times.
I know for a fact that I read two news articles, decades ago, which brought me to tears.
One was a front page photo in the Mirror, showing an emaciated 5yr old Biafran boy carrying his smaller sister on his back in search of a food drop (aid). The landscape showed nothing but miles of brown earth, bare of vegetation.
The second was in another paper which showed a little girl eating a crisp. This child had been abducted after asking mum for pennies for an ice-cream from the van in their cul-de-sac.
She was later found in an understairs cupboard in the house of a local man...in a bag.
I could willingly have done away with him and cried long after the news had faded.

Omg ... this really hit home. Ever since he was born I have been like it, yet I have two grand daughters .... if I hear about a child being hurt, injured or abused, I can’t help but feel physically anxious .... I see kids faces crying with hurt that is caused by these monsters .... I do so hate hearing him cry ... sobbing just breaks me ... even when he’s crying over something daft.
I had 4 children and never felt so upset when they cried over something, but the thought of anyone hurting a child just paralyses me now

Once my children were born I became over sensitive to any suffering of any children. Even worse now I'm a gran.

Until I had my grandson I was quite happy watching serials involving murders / trafficking / robbery, etc, but now if I settle down to watch a programme if there is a child involved I can’t watch it.

I think I was rather unprepared for how I would feel about my grandchildren, and I definitely worry for their futures.

I think every drama is doubled with your grandchildren, because you can’t bear your grandchildren being hurt or upset, and you can’t bear your children being upset about it.

We have a grandchild with a disability, and when he was born, I was so upset for my poor daughter and son in law, and so sad and worried for the poor little baby, it gets you twice!

I think feeling for Grandchildren are also intensely tied up with our own children. We know how much they love their children, as we have been there, so the fear of anything happening to the GC is intensified because of the thought of our own loss and that of our children.

I was very close to my mother, and in the throes of mild PND I had nightmares about having to choose between my mother and my children in a catastrophe. I also knew that she would have cheerfully sacrificed herself to save them and me. I understand that even more now.

oooh! that was a bit deep!

Completely! Unbelievable how much love I have for mine. It actually hurts! Lol!

sodapop….I really think it's all down to hormones!
You probably have a more well balanced combination!

Merryweather….I love your name! Are you a Black Beauty fan?

Yes I too cry more now than ever, and this level of emotion has built and built since my first child was born.
I adore my GC and found my emotions grew for them in a way I didn't expect.

This spills over and I feel for any child in need now.

I do wonder if our feelings towards GC are felt more strongly at this stage in our lives?

I'm not saying because we experience these feelings we have a right to express them, in ways that might upset parents.

Just that it would be nice if it was recognised that a softer heart was a positive thing sometimes.

My best friend has a child the same age as my daughter. She was born with a genetic disorder. She can't and won't walk, talk, can barely do anything.
I look at my healthy prem girls and I'm overwhelmed when I think of her struggle. To never hear their child say Mommy. I'm sobbing writing this.
I have to give mine a teary cuddle, she of course asks "What's wrong Mommy? Why are you crying?". Cue more tears.

Reading some of these posts makes me realise my family is right when they say I'm missing the maternal gene.

Yes, I relate to this completely. Until my GC arrived I only had a vague recollection of the different 'stages' and abilities. Whenever I see some awfulness having happened to a child of the same age as mine I immediately transfer it to being them and my inside crumples. Utterly hopeless and I don't know how to avoid this. Yet another 'high cost of loving' methinks. Oh, the trials that come with the joy!!

I am more tearful these days, especially if there are issues with people with diasbilities.
I am sometime affected by programmes such as Call the Midwife they are so well done, and bring home lots of things I remember when doing midwifery training in the 60,s

I was the same when my first grandson was born and it took me years to get over it. It did coincide with the menopause which may or may not be significant.
I was so overwhelmed with the love I felt for him which I didn't have when my own we're born,it took a while for the love to appear with them. Could this be true for you?
When I had my own I was scared and felt all at sea and didn't know how I could cope with the responsibility.
When my first gs was born there were none of these worries,just pure unadulterated love and joy.

We had decided not to have children when we got married because the future looked pretty bleak then. Biology took over and we had 2 and now 3 grandchildren. The threats we are facing seem much worse than those in the 1970's, I feel insecure in a way I never have before and worry for our 3. I am trying to cope by remembering that our parents had to live (and serve) through the wars - WW2 and Korea in my family's case - and survived; although it must have felt like a never ending apocalypse at the time. My mum especially, who was only 17 when she joined up in 1943, seemed to have really enjoyed some of the experiences she had serving in London and with both her father and uncle serving. I am trying to salve my conscience by telling myself that the world needs kind people and our family is kind - all working in or having worked in the health and care sector. The GC are all kind too.

I can remember years ago each Christmas there'd be the usual play on the wireless, " A Christmas Carol " and mum wiping her eyes on the edge of her pinny when the part about Tiny Tim was mentioned. Of course it was years later that I began to understand what it was all about, but her tears never failed to fall each time.

I was made of harder stuff particularly when I went into nursing, though it didn't mean to say that I was emotion-free. Things were distressing at times, but I never told mum.

I can hold it together for most of the time but the worst time for me was when I saw my grandson after he'd been jumped by a couple of thugs as he was putting his key in the front door. He was in his early 20's at the time and just minding his own business. His face was unrecognisable with bulging black eyes. I completely broke down and after that he didn't leave the house for 3 years.

He's now in his 30's, works and enjoys life but blow me, when he was in Liverpool last year, shopping with his pal, he saw two thugs fighting a smaller youngster and GS just stopped and said hey, that's not on and before he knew it he was on his back ! A sock in his jaw sent him down.He reported the incident and went to hospital for x-rays but nothing was broken, but he was suffering dizziness for a long time so I told him to go to the GP. Again I was worried because he isn't a fighter or a yob.
I told him to ignore anyone who's getting beaten in future, just keep walking . Never ever get involved. I wouldn't.

Now, when I see/hear about young men being beaten/killed it really upsets me. Suicides in young men gets to me also.

Totally agree.
I can not read or watch anything distressing about children or animals.
I feel guilty because, if we all do this, no one is looking and helping.
I cry more now than ever before, my kids find it amusing.

Something that helps me when I feel tearful over child cruelty: I send a donation to the NSPCC. That calms me for a few months. I suppose it makes me feel that at least I've done something, not just felt pity.

I agree it does seem harder to control the emotional stuff with the GC, I think this is partly age and experience of the horrors that happen to people and partly that we don't have any control, or very little, over what our grandchildren do, where they go etc. You know that even if they are enjoying a happy childhood life will catch up with them. I get a helpless feeling which isn't at all nice.

having my own children made me more ....

but then , even as a child, and I am elderly now!!!!!
I saw the Belsen (mostly Auschwitz on the news now) but you know what I mean,, I was about 9 years old and that stays with me, the utter cruelty of human on human just tears me inside...

I’m of the opinion that it’s may be the menopause. I cry at the drop of a hat watching something on TV. I keep telling myself that they’re just actors but it doesn’t help, I still just get overwhelmed and can’t stop myself. Last night I watched the last episode (on catchup) of The Handmaid’s Tale and was reduced to tears by the children being rescued and put on a plane. It just wells up in me and I don’t really know why.