Why do I bother?

Later not larger.

Craicon. Love your message. How true

Is it such a big deal that H is not interested in what you are doing when on holiday ? It was not unusual once our family had flown the nest for H and self once on holiday not want to be joined at the hip all the time.
Consequently there WERE times H would do sight seeing leaving myself to trawl the shops or lay on the beach /by the pool then meeting up for evenings at the hotel .Never had a holiday with friends so cannot comment.Could be due to the fact that my work took me to other countries along with female workmates.

Holidays for me are about relaxing,so we compromise one day by the pool for me and he does whatever. Alternate days sightseeing together. Works for us.

I agree with Craicon.
Its not much of a holiday if you are upset and tense.
He must know that his attitude upsets you but obviously carries on anyway.
I think we women put up with things because we are eternal optimists and think things will improve "next time".
Think about what you want out of life and go for it.
Next time stop and read the notice or whatever and catch up with him later with a smile . Dont let him drag you down.

Is your husband in good health? I only ask cos I sometimes can't engage in a conversation someone else has instigated, it's too mentally tiring. However, within minutes I'll sometimes point something out for the reason it's my only opportunity to do so but I don't want to go into a big conversation about it, just want to metion it. It sounds selfish but I know I will get exhausted quickly if an actual conversation happens but I do want to say "isn't that beautiful?" while I have the chance to, I just don't want to discuss why or how. Maybe your husband feels similarly. I also don't want to waste my very low energy level discussing football or any other sport that's caught his attention at any given moment, this seems to be his favourite hobby. Also, because I have very little energy and a lot of pain, I use an attendant type wheelchair so need him to push the chair for me, we can't go separate ways on holiday although I always tell him I don't mind if he goes out for a few hours while I get some rest, he doesn't often take time to do that as he gets lonely. Can't be easy being married to, and the carer of, an unwell person with disabilities bless his heart.

We get on fine on holiday. I send most of the day on beach & he stays by pool & bar.
We have a drink together at lunchtime & spend every evening together.
If we hire a car to see the island we go together.
We don't live in each others pockets at home either.

Dear Ladies I am sure you all love your other half ,Iam on my own now over 20 years ,travel on my own, and happy to do so ,
Costa del Sol next April for 3weeks

. Will find plenty to do ,but as for having a grumpy partner with me NO WAY at 74 who needs it , Ladies take care Deirdre x

DH now has permanent back trouble, and I can tell when it is particularly bad because he is really grumpy and negative. On those days of course it is me that is being grumpy, so I am told, nothing wrong with him! Ring any bells?

Then he will have a good day and be all loving, sunny and light, so I just enjoy those, it must be terrible to be in constant pain with no prospect of relief.

We will book adventurous holidays together whilst the savings hold out. When I want to go shopping he will go off by himself, he had a great time touring the Melbourne Cricket Ground whilst I went round the local market. Off to Antarctica in January!

Hello,
I have much empathy.
Having both retired and still very much in love, I find it incredibly difficult to overcome his miserable, grumpy attitude. Our 4 year old Grandson even laughs at his “grumpy voice”.
I am an optimist and wake up fairly happy (not Pollyanna) until his first remarks which are often negative. I have to actively raise my game and ignore his moans and bring him over to more balanced conversations.
I think the annoying thing for me is how different he is when we have friends round. Especially, if he’s going out for a drink he becomes a different person.
I do not expect him to change now, it’s just much more obvious when you are at home together.
I would still rather have him here grumpy than not at all. ?

This sounds just like my ex-husband, OliverZach - you haven’t got him, have you?

Before we retired, holidays didn't feature in our life, partly because my husband has always been a semi-pro musician so he saved annual leave from work for tours with bands. I was contracted to work during all school holidays except Christmas which was always spent at home with the kids so going away together wasn't a thing.
I can't say it was a terrible loss. We do have very varied interests which isn't a problem at all and now we do go away on proper holidays but very rarely together. He loves hot beaches which is my idea of hell. I like crisp winter days in the countryside.
The best thing is we both have a lovely time doing things we like and are always delighted to see each other when one of us returns from our hols. Saves hassle too as we don't have to arrange for cat sitting or garden watering.

...by varied interests I mean very different interests from each other.

Been busy. I feel for your loss.
Buster, you are sorted.
I now go on Bridge holidays with one to 5 others, depending. We all have our own rooms. I'd rather do less than share a room.
We mix n match during the day, lunch together though maybe not. Always together for dinner n bridge. A couple of other halves go too - doesn't always work. My DH has taken to Yoga and has had a few Yoga breaks. He still works and from home so nice for a break from each other.
I do remember lovely breaks together when we were young lovers.

So glad it's not just me! During last year's holiday I ranted that I was never going on holiday with mine again! I did, this year, and wondered, numerous times, why I had, again!!

When on holiday with DH we have a day each, so if it's my day I might choose something historical and when it's his day he might choose walking for example. This seems to solve the problem for us. Compromise is the way to go for a happy marriage!

You all cheer me up! I thought it was just my OH who finds it impossible to saunter around chatting amiably on holiday, looking at exhibitions, whatever. I've often felt I would be better going on my own. Now I've become rather deaf I'm not so bothered, I wouldn't hear him anyway.

BradfordLass72
Oh how I agree.

RomyP
Would it be possible for you to get a friend to take you out once a week so that your DH can pursue a hobby and make friends he can meet on a regular basis?

We have been to the Edinburgh fringe a few times and we take in turns to plan the days activities. Shows, food,activities. We have both enjoyed things we wouldn't have tried and laughed together at the fails. Maybe that would work for others?

We generally take different holidays. I go to Morocco with my belly dancing teacher, or to Skyros, or to visit a friend in Ireland, or a Chinese Brush Painting weekend etc. we go together about once every five years. The next one is my writing holiday Spain in February 2020 when there will be 2 other husbands. I have given mine a book on the local walks. lets see what happens. I am now off to Australia for several weeks to see family before Christmas and he is going for a 2 week walking holiday in the north of Spain meeting up with one of our former Workaway guests.

It is quite possible to arrange to have different holidays that suit oneself and still remain married.

We go on holiday together but do things separately some of the time. I find a shady spot and will read for hours whilst OH takes himself off for long walks. If we hire a car for a few days he goes off for the first day to explore without me clutching the seat and driving him nuts. He then comes back with ideas of places he thinks I would like to visit.

When he was working and couldn’t get away I went to Malta on my own (convalescing) but it was great just doing exactly what I wanted after years of family oriented holidays.

Every now and then I take a holiday on my own, I love it, have a great time pleasing myself and it make DH realise all the things I do for him and he shows his appreciation when I get back as he’s missed me so much. Win win.

Thank you all for your comments and allowing me space to rant. Thankfully DH has cheered up a bit, I guess it was Victor Meldrew-ism combined with jet lag & being in an unfamiliar place!
Anyway he is back to his normal “considerate” self, yes there are degrees but at least they’re normal for us
I guess after 35+ years patience and compromise are the game for us both

Yes, there are many "grumpy old women" around very much on a par with "grumpy old men."

But of course, we only ever hear one side of any story on this forum, inevitably from a woman's side.

Time this forum became more diverse. Perhaps that could the subject of an alternate thread.