Is this emotional abuse?

Petra...I'm amazed. How did you work that out?

Manny, I'm sorry things haven't improved. My husband (ex) started exactly the same, but what I didn't realise was that he was planning to leave me for his mistress, and this was his way of distancing himself and telling me didn't love me. I'm not saying that your husband is planning to leave you, but if you ask me, you're not having much of a life with him, are you?
I am divorced now, on my own, sometimes a bit lonely, but my word, how liberating....no more embarrassment, no more giving excuses for him, and I have saved my relationships with my family and friends.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I reckon it's emotional abuse. As to being scared of divorce, I get that. My first marriage was abusive and when I got out of it I was financially in a dire position. It took me about 10 years to get back on my feet. It was worth it though.

You may as well be on your own with this going on. I'd be thinking what it's doing to my health more than anything and it's not an ideal situation to be in.
He sounds quite unwell to me spending this much time on social media while ignoring those around him. Addiction.

manny
You posted on this problem in February 2017. That's over 2 years 7 months gone!!!
So nothing's changed, infact it sounds as if his behaviour is worse.
This might sound cruel, but, have more respect for yourself. Your worth better than this.
I wish you well.

Oh my dear life now ids way too short Is your reluctance to leave him because you love him so much or because you’re unsure of being on your own if it’s the later it would be a hundred times better as you would have your family back again
What’s holding you in this seemingly unhappy relationship

I agree with Flexiblefriend don't spend any longer being unhappy and alienated from your family, call time on this marriage.

As FlexibleFriend said, why do you need a name for it? And it doesn't sound as if he's deliberately hurtful. More
like a man who doesn't need a wife or a family because of personality problems.
Has he changed since you first met him?

Thanks Smileless.
They don't want to come because he's so unpleasant. Unwelcoming, cheerless and unwilling to join in anything.
Everything in the house has to be perfect. Every little thing.He admits to feeling 'wound up' before they come. Then I get tense. There's no pleasure in it. He was reasonably accommodating with one daughter and her family - but that's now gone following a visit some weeks ago. I think he is probably depressed but he would never admit to that. He did attempt to talk to my daughter and SIL (the most relaxed and stable guy you could ever meet) but his complaints about family members were very petty.
I've been distraught as I dearly love them all - but he is cold and very defensive if I try to talk to him. If I say anything with any vehemence at all he accuses me of losing my temper.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, manny. This sounds very much like emotional abuse to me. Ignoring you, alienating your family, pursuing his own interests with no thought for you, being emotionally distant, making you feel you're walking on eggshells. No one should have to live like this. You deserve better. Your husband wants everything on his terms. How selfish of him.
I was married for not long short of 30 years; I was my husband's second wife - he'd been divorced for a couple of years when we met. Things seemed fine for a number of years - although looking back, there were signs that at the time I didn't really notice - but when he retired and I was still in full-time work he started really going off the rails. I divorced him 2 years ago - reason: adultery. However, his general behaviour was very much like you describe. I'm in my early 60s now. The thought of being left on my own in my late 50s frightened me at first, but I can now say I have no regrets. He was very uncooperative during the divorce, which took about 9 months when it could have taken just a few. But life on one's own isn't bad at all. I'd advise you to get good legal advice in the first instance and get your family on your side. I don't know your financial situation. I'm fortunate in that I have my own occupational pension and some additional income, and I negotiated a very good settlement which meant I was able to buy my new home outright. I suspect my ex-husband only agreed to that because he had other plans (i.e. to marry the woman he met a year after I'd agreed to move as he wanted 'a fresh start', persuade her to sell the home she owned and buy a new one with him in a different area, meaning he'd probably be entitled to half - so far, everything I thought he'd do, he's done).
I hope everything goes well for you. Let us know how you get on. You'll get good advice and support here.

Why do you need a name for it?
Why does divorce horrify you?
In situations like this divorce can be the best outcome. Why spend your life being miserable when you could be happy on your own?

IMO this is emotional abuse manny, it must feel as if you're living in a permanent state of being sent to coventry.

I understand your families reluctance to come to your home but maybe that's simply giving him what he wants. Are they staying away in the hope that it makes life better for you or is it because they no longer want to be in his company?

I don't know what to suggest TBH. You sound so unhappy, is divorce really something that you can't face? Is living with this selfish man how you want to spend the rest of your life?

I wouldn't attempt to contact him while he's away from home. Leave him to possibly think about how his treatment of you has driven you away.

Would telling him how you feel and that you're considering divorce make him take a good long hard look at himself?

Sorry for all the questions but sometimes asking ourselves can help us to see what it is we really need and want.

I hope others will be able to help.