Affair

Dont tell him.

Would you be happy if the boot was on the other foot ?.
I doubt it somehow.
But if your serious tell your husband.

no ain't wrong

As someone who has been cheated on, please don’t do this until you have separated from your current partner. Unless you have discussed it with him and he is happy for you to have an affair. Affairs are absolutely devastating to the betrayed partner and take years to get over. If your partner is already depressed this could push him over the edge. If you are that unhappy with him you should leave before starting a new relationship.

Mmmm - could finish up in a sticky mess. Listen to Lisagran.

The sunsets are the least of the problem. Perhaps people think that growing older while sitting holding hands will solve these sort of issues. No, it's affirmative action and concerted effort.

You've been given some sound advice here, I do hope it has helped.
I actually think that the companionship of a long term partner is a really beautiful thing and that the media has led us to believe that if we're not all banging away into our nineties and beyond we must be unfulfilled!
Basically unless you are feeling very neglected or wanting different things or feel the need for a sexual relationship and not getting it then 'its all good in the hood' and this it the time to enjoy each others company and share the sunsets.

Hiya I appreciate your dialema but have you considered that ending this unsuccessful relationship may actually help your partner?
Sometimes its the big changes in life, however undesirable at the time, that help us find the way.
Good luck

Joyfulnanna I am so pleased you made the decision you have. I just hope that the counselling etc will help your relationship and things get better.

Ydoc. Ditto me to all your comments except I am 64 and it's 19 years. I think it has grown over!! LOL

I can't say that I think it would be wrong, but the man you are suggesting does not really sound the best if he has several affairs before
Myself I am 60 not had sex for 15 years!!! Husband has no interest in that or anything other than television and eating. I know if I met someone and we really got on one thing may lead to another. I would not blame myself at all. As to why don't we leave these husbands, that's easier said than done. I'm sure we should really but how, where??

You mustn't feel that you will have failed if you choose to leave. Sometimes one has no choice. As long as you have tried to talk to your husband and tell him how unhappy you are, apart from taking him to a counsellor to address his mental health issues there is little more you can do. I have suffered from depression and anxiety myself over the years and could not have coped without some medical help. If you break a bone, you get it fixed! this is no different in many ways, just more complex.

Good Luck to you OP. Brave move.

?

Joyfulnanna
I think that’s such a good decision and you are sparing yourself future regrets and unhappiness. I really hope things improve for you.

Thank you gagsville that's very kind I really appreciate it particularly as you've been on the receiving end. I never have and don't need the drama. Don't we all just need to love and be loved. I don't like to fail

poor you Joyfullnanna. Is there any way you could discuss this with one of your children (I don't know how old they are). Perhaps if you had someone on your side who could tell your husband how desperate you are feeling and that for you it could mean the end of the marriage if he won't seek help for his depression. Although I have never been unfaithful myself, my children's Father was; In fact he had a season ticket!! and it devastates so many lives. If you need to leave him. sort everything out first then do it. I wish you all the best and remember; As in all things. This to will pass and you will find yourself in a better place.

Yes I did grapefruit pip and yes I have come to a decision. It was a stupid thing to think I would have an affair to create false, short-lived comfort in my life and potentially lose so much of what I hold dear. This is a wake-up call for me. It doesn't get anymore selfish than that. Reading stories of posters and advice has given me a bit more clarity. There are people much worse off in horrific relationships. I am prepared to work on mine and get counselling.

Joyfulnanna
You and I have messaged before..... I think we live with similar family circumstances..
My marriage has been lonely, my husband emotionally illerate , he's a workaholic and can be unintentionally cruel, because of our family situation , which I get but no excuse....
My marriage is intimate, I had a long chat to my hubby, hopefully things will improve , any relationship takes commitment and effort on both sides. Really infidelity isn't the answer , my first husband had an affair with my sister, deceit , trust , untruths will always haunt them, that's what I hope , ( I couldn't have a relationship with my sister after this betrayal ) relationships based on deceit and untrustworthy never work, well I believe this, or at least you have to validate these relationships. So you either be honest and true to yourself tell your partner , explain how you feel and separate , ( believe me not for the faint hearted ) or stay in your present relationship maybe get outside support, talking therapies or check medication ??? But ultimately we all need to feel loved and wanted, but only you can make that difficult decision.... ?

Perhaps you are looking for permission?
You might think in terms of taking ownership of your decision. It will be your decision whichever way you choose to go.

Passion/sex /a fling....do people really weigh it up and come on GN to garner opinions?

Mmmm not sure.

It’s your life. I was in a loveless sexless marriage and left. I never regretted the clean cut even though I suffered financially. Then I found the love of my life. What strikes me is that by having an affair you could end up in a much worse position. Having hollowed out your own marriage with deceit and lies, getting attached to someone who sooner or later flits on to the next woman, you could end up feeling more alone ?

I am a married woman of 53 yrs, married at 16 yrs old because I was pregnant and that’s what you did then. If you are in a loveless sexless marriage I can’t see any reason for the two of you to stay together. If you want to have sex with another man then clear it with your husband otherwise you’re just lying to yourself and us and cheating on him. And yes that’s WRONG ?

Romy and Sara thank you. I'm listening to my conscience and I will find a way to build more compassion in my relationship, little by little, every day. I'm glad I didn't stay silent. Love you lot for taking the time to help me.