I Hate Myself

I don’t see it how you see it, you have severe depression, so what about your family helping their mum, I think they are selfish , I wonder how you think you could have spent more time with them when severely depressed you are the ill one! But you are punishing yourself by saying you hate yourself. Please don’t hate yourself, you never hear from any of them or see them, it’s them that should be ashamed not you

Blondilass, I reckon you've done pretty well managing by yourself and not moaning or demanding help from your kids. You are a 66 year old woman who enjoys her own company and likes having the place to herself. You say you feel left out when you visit your family. Are you sure this isn't the way you see it - not your children necessarily. Try to change the way you look at things? To tell them you care and be a bit more relaxed, maybe? If there is karma, the courage you've shown in your life will come back to you in the shape of strength. And also look at yourself differently - from a positive not a negative angle. With kindness and compassion. You've done OK. Give yourself credit where credit is due. Don't beat yourself up. Smile and the world will smile at you. Maybe? All strength to your elbow. X

And stop blaming yourself. And there is no such thing as "karma". Forget that. There is only decent human love and kindness. It's about time they showed you some.

You had a total knee replacement and none of them came to help you? That's just incredible! They sound horrible! And just because someone has severe depression doesn't mean you desert them. They should be visiting you and helping you to feel better.

I think I might be hating them, not myself.

Ask them to bring the new baby to visit you. It's time you did get a bit assertive.

Good luck.

Lots of help and advice Blondilass, I just wanted to say, please don’t hate yourself, you haven’t done anything wrong. I’m sure many of us if we’re honest, breath a little sigh of relief at having the house to ourselves again.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel left out of things, and sorry for ourselves, but the perfect picture you see of your families and in-laws, may not be as cosy as it seems.

blondilass, karma isn't necessarily generated by long past actions and bad fate- To understand how it works, simply consider what's happening right this minute, how you feel about what's happening, how you are responding to how you feel about what's happening- The more you do this, the more you will notice, the more you will change in beneficial ways and your karma will change too- You are NOT doomed! You are not "stuck" with bad karma because karma is constantly in flux-

You expressed that when your children moved out that you would be free to live without criticism - Did they criticize you often and if they did how did you respond to it?

blondilass, please don't hate yourself. You have done something which many people find incredibly difficult. You have looked at yourself and seen how things have gone wrong with your relationship with your family. You have not attempted to blame anyone else, even if some people might have expected that your family could have taken a little more interest in you. You even take the blame for that.

Take strength in your courage in doing that. Use that strength to build bridges with your family - just small steps at a time and without having high expectations of getting something in return. They will get the message that you are coming out of your shell. When it feels right, try to explain to them how you have been in a dark place and why it has been difficult to keep in regular contact.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It is worth discussing your depression with your GP - maybe your medications for your medical conditions need re-assessing. You have taken the first brave step towards reconciliation - wish you all the very best with your next steps and with dealing with your depression.

Btw cornergran is quite right - if you appear to be coping, the children will not offer help because they think you don't need it.

Blondilass, it could be any one of us. First thing tomorrow, please make an appointment to see your GP.
I live alone, but I make an effort (and believe me it is an effort) , to visit family and friends. Ofcourse, I always check if it's ok to visit. Because they have all got young children, it's difficult for them to pack nappies and all the paraphernalia ( mind you they do it to visit their mums, my d.i.ls I mean). So I go there. I have 3 AC living within 12. mile radius. But it's not as if I can just pop in there. I ring and make an appointment so to speak. I too have a rather difficult son and I tend not to stay too long in his company ?Good luck blondi - hope things improve and keep us posted.

How are you now blondilass? Severe depression is a serious illness, not just feeling a bit down and it does impact behaviour. It sounds as if you have all created your own very separate lives, a choice you all made and you know it happens in many families. If your family saw you as self sufficient it may not have occurred to them to offer help. You can’t change the past, you can make the future different if you want it to be and are well enough to make a change. I agree with Tanith to an extent, talk to them, be interested in their lives. Say how excited you are about the new baby. It will take time but one change in behaviour can trigger another. Apologies if I’m speaking out of turn here but your last sentence concerns me. To hate oneself is hugely destructive. It could be very helpful to talk with a counsellor about your feelings, to have a safe space to step away from the past and into a different future.

I understand Blondilass. Depression is absolutely awful. Wanting to lie in bed all day and not wanting to be with people I can relate to.
Have you been treated for depression?
Have you ever talked to your children how you've been feeling over the years? If not, I can see why they feel snubbed when in fact it's your illness that has distanced you all.
Do tell your son and daughter all that you've told us and go to talk to your GP.
All you've done or not done hasn't been intentional.
You need to get well again which will I hope lead to a happy future with your family.

Have you thought about talking honestly with your family and telling them how you are feeling? It might just start a discussion and you could start to make amends. It’s worth a try at least.
I’m sorry you feel so low.