Is my friendship formula wrong

That's a shame, hopefull. And your partner isn't helping things!

I do think that we won't always 'click' with people. It can take time.

Just take things slowly at your slimming club. Don't be too keen!

I hope you manage to find someone that suits you

Don't be hurt if everyone seems to already be in little friendship groups. You are definitely not alone young and older go through the same state sadly. Your partner sounds very mean. Are you perhaps too excited when you start off friendships or do you wait and wait to be invited/included. Whatever, don't be hard on yourself I think it can be like meeting that someone special in your life , some people find each other when young, some much later on. Gransnet meetups might be a good way too.

Hi, I am new to the village where I have now lived for a year. I feel you have to be brave and put yourself out there. It is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I joined a small art group (which is now disbanded) but from there have joined the local WI and also started going to church. I have slowly got to know people but it takes time. My husband is not interested in anything like this and basically sits watching tv or his iPad most days. Keep trying and IGNORE your partner who is definitely not helping with his derogatory remarks. Good luck!

I agree with moocow that Gransnet meetups are great. I feel that I am already friends with everyone before I even sit down.

Take heart hopeful1 friendships tend to creep up on you when you least expect them. Try to relax around people and don't try too hard. There is no formula really, just being interested in others and sharing interests. Joining clubs as you have or courses where people have similar interests helps. Have you thought of volunteering to help others and meet people.

Slimming class is a start but don't stop there. Find out what else is going on in your neighborhood. Don't expect too much with some luck you will find some people who you click with. Your husband doesn't sound supportive, I wonder why? Do you go out together? Go for lunch a walk or some other activity that you both enjoy? If you have more positive interaction with him perhaps it would make both of your lives happier. Small steps, good luck.

Maybe you're a bit too intense? Try too hard? Just take it easy. You can't force friendship. Just join things and go with the flow. Lots of organisations are organising Christmas lunches just now. Sign up. You'll meet new people in pleasant environments and share chat over a meal. There are bound to be some people you're not so keen on but others who seem nice.
As I said, take it easy, lower expectations of deep friendships and see how it goes.

I tend to be reserved when I meet people at first which I know can be misinterpreted so I am best to meet new people as part of an activity where quietness is less noticeable. Volunteering works for me, not deep friendships but relaxed acquaintances and some very nice people. I’m currently not involved in volunteering and notice the lack so hope to rectify that once I can find something that fits with physical limitations. I do agree about not trying too hard and a need to manage expectations, friendships are like bulbs and seeds I think, there’s a long gap between planting and flowering.

I've got to the stage I've given up on friends/friendship and I don't think my formula was wrong. I think to some so-called friends I was great to have when they had troubles, but all,vanished like snow off a dyke when I had mine. Another was self absorbed. Just as a warning make sure you have friends who don't use you, then dump you as soon as a new man comes along. I may be very,cynical but very few folk know the meaning of the word friend. I have one or two good friends and nowadays prefer my own company. I think you sound like you are doing the correct things, but don't be too overwhelming or overpowering. Also, suss folk out before you get involved.

I was going to suggest volunteering, I volunteer in a carers centre. And some people who go there don't see anybody all day except for when they come to the centre, which has different activities on almost every day( not weekends). . These people are so grateful just to have company and someone to talk to.

Oh Hopefull I think many are in the same position. We went to work, we had friendly colleagues (who we never saw again when we moved on), we never made links at the school gate because we were hurrying off to work. Then we retire, and ...
Join things, a lot of things, try to have things to say when people speak to you, but not too much. The new person to a group makes eye contact, smiles, answers a question and asks another back.

Hopefull where do you live. PM if you want an online friend. I'm the same. I've no friends in this area yet lots 200 miles away in the North East. I'm so down and fedup as well. I don't have any answers, sorry. Take care. X

I assume your partner must have some redeeming features....

I am so sorry to read this, and would suggest finding common interest groups, like perhaps an exercise class or a book club. Friendships often develop around a topic, and maybe you could try?
I do agree that trying too hard can be off-putting.
Certainly your partner's comments were not helpful, to put it mildly. Why would he react that way, I wonder? Is he typically that mean and hard-hearted or is something else going on?

I have no friends either. I am single, so don't even have a partner to chat to. I get on well with people I work with, but no friendship outside work. I work long hours, so no chance of joining any clubs, and when I have in the past I have found most stick to their cliques and rarely let new people in.

I have moved around the country a lot over the years, and this really does impact on friendships. Where I live now most people have lived here most of their lives and know everyone from their childhood.

I have now given up with finding friends. I am happy on my own, but it would be nice to have someone to go out with/ chat to sometimes.

Definitely agree that volunteering is a good way to go. If you are interested in animals volunteer at a local shelter or to collect on their behalf. If you are interested in gardening, volunteer at a community garden. If you are interested in history join a local history group. The possibilities are endless and you will then be mixing with like-minded people so far more likely to click with others.
I wouldn't actually think a slimming club is the place to make friends, but then I've never been to one (haha). Whatever happens let things develop naturally and don't be too eager or too clingy.
Good luck!

I’m moving to a new area soon 2 hrs away from where I live now and I will be in a similar situation with no friends, I’m not to good at making friends and the few i have, I’ve had for years.
What does your hubby mean by what he said, does he have a good social life.

I’ve joined a health walking group. I’ve already been told I talk a lot! So I’m trying to be less chatty. People are friendly and it’s a nice group, but I’m holding back making an actual friend as I tend to be very keen and generous and sometimes I think my generosity is more likeable! I found slimming club very clicky which I didn’t like. I’m sure you will become friends with others, but don’t do what I’ve done! Wishing you well.

Gosh, your partner’s a treasure!
I’m not sure a slimming club is the very best thing, it is bound to focus on making you feel there is something wrong with you, and can get very competitive. U3A is a great organisation for meeting people and finding new interests. Don’t expect to make lifelong friends, but warm acquaintances. These may develop over time. Go to your slimming club, but explore other possibilities- your local library will have flyers from other groups in the area, such as walking groups, keep fit, book groups, knit and natter, WI etc.

We moved here having lived abroad for a time, 20 years ago. The DD went to university and my DS was at college so I knew nobody. I joined NWR ( National Woman’s Register) and I have made the most wonderful friends. It is much less formal than WI.

Your partner should not be damaging your self esteem like that. What a horrible thing to say to you. I’m sure no-one dislikes you it’s just friendship takes some investment. I don’t know how you come across to people but it is that you feel down and sorry for yourself then this might come across to others. Friendships are a bit like romantic relationships in that you need to make a good impression at first, show your best side, be happy and good company. If you are moaning about your life then many will be put off by that. It’s nice to share feelings etc but do that further down the line when you are more established as friends. Friends need to feel good together at first, yes share stuff to bond but not so you make others feel low. Also it comes down to the old saying that before others can love you, you need to love yourself. So stop worrying about a lack of friends and focus on feeling like a self sufficient happy person, which is what attracts people. Don’t be too clingy to new acquaintances and don’t say you have no friends etc to them. You want to come across as someone interesting with a full life, if someone bonds with you out of pity it will not work out. Good luck to you. Be happy and friends will find you. X

I don't think there is a "formula" for making friends. Maybe you come across a being desperate. I found myself doing that when I lived overseas as I had left all of my long term friends back in the UK.
At the moment, my closest friend lives 3 hours away. Another has moved to Turkey to live and another lives in Holland.
The slimming club is a good start, but don't go just because you want to make friends. At first you will feel on the outside, but as everyone starts to lose weight, you will all become supportive of each other and may find that friendships may form. You could always suggest that you meet up for a coffee outside or after the club, don't lose heart if you get a negative response at first.
Also look around and see if there is anything else that you can join and most of all, talk to people! Some of my friends I gained just by chatting to random strangers that I often used to see on a fairly regular basis. It then went to going for a cuppa after shopping and went on from there!

It has only just come up on my radar (unbelievably) that people can be lonely for all kinds of reasons.

Maybe that was because as single parent, after I'd organised everything for my daughter, I was sometimes too drained to speak to anyone else. Now that she is off with her own friends and older, I need to do a rethink.

I also now suffer with social anxiety which is tough, because having used to enjoy groups, I find them such a challenge now. Even if I like the people I tend to withdraw and that gives the wrong message. I've had people invite me for coffee etc and not felt as if I could take it up because the place was too noisy etc. And you don't want to introduce yourself as someone with a disabilty, do you?

Oh dear, very different from how I used to be in my youth. Gregariious etc. Still, things change. Have you thought about getting an allotment with someone or sharing one?

Hadn't heard of the national women's register.

Have you got a local shop? Even going there and making myself chat to the ladies there is good practice I find.

Perhaps your other half is secretly envious of your going out ? No excuse for such a response, but perhaps understandable...as adults I know we need to take responsibility for making friends. I think you are doing well posting here.

Online Friendships aren't everything, but the gransnet meets sound great. I am in the Southwest.

If you are stuck at home on your own, there is always Silverline...24 hours free service

all best
Painting

Be patient and if possible try a few other things as well. Most people will be at the club for the purpose of slimming but hopefully over time you will meet someone that you can be friendly with although that may mean just having coffee and a chat.
A lot of it is luck. Try to keep things light and positive.
It is difficult and there are probably a lot more people in your situation than you think.
I must admit that I can't really be bothered now. My council has coffee mornings in a community hall that is very near me but I have never felt like going. If you are religious, most churches have them. If you are interested in politics, most parties have events although my local CLP only seemed to organise things for families so I didn't bother and am no longer a member. It might be worth checking out though to find out what your preferred party's local organisation tends to do.