Is my friendship formula wrong

I have no friends either. I am single, so don't even have a partner to chat to. I get on well with people I work with, but no friendship outside work. I work long hours, so no chance of joining any clubs, and when I have in the past I have found most stick to their cliques and rarely let new people in.

I have moved around the country a lot over the years, and this really does impact on friendships. Where I live now most people have lived here most of their lives and know everyone from their childhood.

I have now given up with finding friends. I am happy on my own, but it would be nice to have someone to go out with/ chat to sometimes.

I am so sorry to read this, and would suggest finding common interest groups, like perhaps an exercise class or a book club. Friendships often develop around a topic, and maybe you could try?
I do agree that trying too hard can be off-putting.
Certainly your partner's comments were not helpful, to put it mildly. Why would he react that way, I wonder? Is he typically that mean and hard-hearted or is something else going on?

I assume your partner must have some redeeming features....

Hopefull where do you live. PM if you want an online friend. I'm the same. I've no friends in this area yet lots 200 miles away in the North East. I'm so down and fedup as well. I don't have any answers, sorry. Take care. X

Oh Hopefull I think many are in the same position. We went to work, we had friendly colleagues (who we never saw again when we moved on), we never made links at the school gate because we were hurrying off to work. Then we retire, and ...
Join things, a lot of things, try to have things to say when people speak to you, but not too much. The new person to a group makes eye contact, smiles, answers a question and asks another back.

I was going to suggest volunteering, I volunteer in a carers centre. And some people who go there don't see anybody all day except for when they come to the centre, which has different activities on almost every day( not weekends). . These people are so grateful just to have company and someone to talk to.

I've got to the stage I've given up on friends/friendship and I don't think my formula was wrong. I think to some so-called friends I was great to have when they had troubles, but all,vanished like snow off a dyke when I had mine. Another was self absorbed. Just as a warning make sure you have friends who don't use you, then dump you as soon as a new man comes along. I may be very,cynical but very few folk know the meaning of the word friend. I have one or two good friends and nowadays prefer my own company. I think you sound like you are doing the correct things, but don't be too overwhelming or overpowering. Also, suss folk out before you get involved.

I tend to be reserved when I meet people at first which I know can be misinterpreted so I am best to meet new people as part of an activity where quietness is less noticeable. Volunteering works for me, not deep friendships but relaxed acquaintances and some very nice people. I’m currently not involved in volunteering and notice the lack so hope to rectify that once I can find something that fits with physical limitations. I do agree about not trying too hard and a need to manage expectations, friendships are like bulbs and seeds I think, there’s a long gap between planting and flowering.

Maybe you're a bit too intense? Try too hard? Just take it easy. You can't force friendship. Just join things and go with the flow. Lots of organisations are organising Christmas lunches just now. Sign up. You'll meet new people in pleasant environments and share chat over a meal. There are bound to be some people you're not so keen on but others who seem nice.
As I said, take it easy, lower expectations of deep friendships and see how it goes.

Slimming class is a start but don't stop there. Find out what else is going on in your neighborhood. Don't expect too much with some luck you will find some people who you click with. Your husband doesn't sound supportive, I wonder why? Do you go out together? Go for lunch a walk or some other activity that you both enjoy? If you have more positive interaction with him perhaps it would make both of your lives happier. Small steps, good luck.

Take heart hopeful1 friendships tend to creep up on you when you least expect them. Try to relax around people and don't try too hard. There is no formula really, just being interested in others and sharing interests. Joining clubs as you have or courses where people have similar interests helps. Have you thought of volunteering to help others and meet people.

I agree with moocow that Gransnet meetups are great. I feel that I am already friends with everyone before I even sit down.

Hi, I am new to the village where I have now lived for a year. I feel you have to be brave and put yourself out there. It is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I joined a small art group (which is now disbanded) but from there have joined the local WI and also started going to church. I have slowly got to know people but it takes time. My husband is not interested in anything like this and basically sits watching tv or his iPad most days. Keep trying and IGNORE your partner who is definitely not helping with his derogatory remarks. Good luck!

Don't be hurt if everyone seems to already be in little friendship groups. You are definitely not alone young and older go through the same state sadly. Your partner sounds very mean. Are you perhaps too excited when you start off friendships or do you wait and wait to be invited/included. Whatever, don't be hard on yourself I think it can be like meeting that someone special in your life , some people find each other when young, some much later on. Gransnet meetups might be a good way too.

That's a shame, hopefull. And your partner isn't helping things!

I do think that we won't always 'click' with people. It can take time.

Just take things slowly at your slimming club. Don't be too keen!

I hope you manage to find someone that suits you