How to say you don't want to renew friendship?

Oops that was to LondonGranny..

For my own wellbeing I have had to rid myself of many users, moaners, critical folks and people who simply drained me in recent years. It isn't easy, but my life is too short to put up with these people, and yours is too. Do what you want for yourself and your family, and do not fret over ditching people and moving on as YOU want to.

Insincere and users? Don't bother renewing a friendship on those terms - they are no doubt returning just to treat you the same way and if they are that thick skinned, no reason to be nice or even polite!
If they ask to meet up for coffee/go for a meal/ meet up, just tell them that quite frankly, that after the way they behaved before, you really have no wish to have any contact with them now or in the future - then block them !
As far as getting rid of JWs,If I haven't spotted them walking up to my house) I just tell them that I have had a blood transfusion and my son donates blood - they don't stick around for long!

Just gotta say I love your username Pearlsaminger - brilliant. I take it you're an Elkie Brooks fan? Sorry to hijack the thread.

It can be difficult for some people to understand a thanks but no thanks and if you feel intimidated, ie keep getting phone calls hide at every knock on the door a straight forward that you have 'moved on' should be enough.Could not your son and his friend have words?

What a rotten position to find yourself in, take heart and I'm sure you'll find a way out.

You seem very clear about not wanting this person to be a part of your future - don't blame you after their past treatment of you.

So ask yourself 1) What harm can you suffer is you do let them back in?

2) what damage can they inflict on your life/lifestyle /reputation etc if you don't let them in? You don't want any difficulties from this person as it seems you've already suffered in that way.

If you think they may bad moth you take a more strategic approach.

Give some thought to telling "the right people" that you are being pestered by Blogs. Tell them you are feeling unsafe, remind them of what you have been through and what happened with this person last time. Get you champions around you and then be as ruthless as you wish.

You never know "the right people", you know them - the village gossip, the WI, the choir people, village shop etc might just do the getting rid off Blogs for you.

Elizabeth I did well getting others to doing the job of keeping the difficult ones away from her, may be you should give it a go.

If you don't think Blogs can do you any harm then I'm with LondonGranny and don't be shy about using the expletives :-) Give them a clear hard message.

Good Luck and I hope you get a good outcome.

Opal
Still on the subject of hijack what exactly is a 'minger

If they are contacting you and they arent taking the hint then tell them bluntly that you do not want or need a friendship with them & stop contacting you.
But make sure that this is really what you want before you do it

Like many people I have tolerated my fair share of hangers on, users etc. down the years, and always tried to be patient and accommodating on the basis that we all have strange little foibles, and I will try to ignore these traits in others as they are tolerating me and mine. However, I did finish a long friendship some years ago with someone who had changed over the years (I was not alone in thinking that) and gone from being a friend to attempting to wreck two important events for me - my DD had never liked this person and said it was jealousy. When later she sent someone to ask if we could meet up, I politely delined and said I wished her well but was no longer prepared to take what she handed out, and that the friendship has been one sided for a long time. I would have said that to her face if she had approached me. I didn't enjoy ending the relationship, and initially missed the laughs we had had, but realised that the good times were long ago , and that life was infinitely more peaceful and without strain without her. Good luck - these events are far from pleasant, but are a means to an end.

I let go of a long term friend 5 years ago, she was a very selfish friend and basically drained me. Last year she tried to reestablish contact but I just ignored her texts. If she had phoned me I would’ve just been honest and say our friendship had run it’s course and I didn’t want to meet up again. No need to be rude, just assertive.

Go LondonGranny....a woman cut from the same mould as me.

Agree with all the 'Never Answer' advice. Never sugar the pill 'Sorry but... ' suggests that sometime you would love to. Some people will just think you are playing a bit 'hard to get', and will continue to try for attention. The message you have to get across is 'I and my time are not, and will not, be available to you.'

Be upfront with him or you'll be forever on edge when the door knocks or the phone rings wondering if it's him.
I can't think just at this moment what to say to him but LondonGranny might have a few more choice words she can advise on. lol

Oooh after reading all the replies I wonder if all the non Responses and ‘not a good time’ that I ‘receive’ from people whom I have held in my heart but not in my hand after 30 years absence from their society means that I am a thick skinned unwanted re -emergence from the past!! Yikes ! And I keep worrying if they’re alright and whether I should just turn up and check at their door......ooops! .. no one deliberately sets out to be a nuisance ..... a quick message like ‘wow! A blast from the past .... let’s leave it there .... I’m fine and wish you all the best for your future ... but count me out... my life is jam packed with goodies and I wouldn’t do you justice!!! “

Just let him know you have a very busy life and wont be renewing contact as youve moved on. Do not let fhe fox in the henhouse again.

LondonGranny, ha ha ha, that really made me laugh. Well done you!

Keep saying no and hopefully he will get the message. Definitely a case of holding this person at arms length. It is no good having people who drain you in your life, you are worth much more than that.

I almost spat my coffee out as well Pearl ??
Good for you LondonGranny!!!

Just say that little word “ no “, don’t want to. No need for bad language. Don’t exhaust yourself with excuses and trying to remember what you said before, just “NO “

Saying "not a good time" is indicating that there may be a time that IS a good time. Just need to be firm! When he asks about meeting up just say "No, thank you, don't want to". No need to swear or bring up the past just make it clear you have no intention now or in future of meeting up with him. If he STILL doesn't take the hint ...then you can get firmer..."Look I do NOT want to meet you o.k...get it?" Then hang up!

Thank you very much for all of your thoughtful replies, I'm steeling myself to message him to say I don't want to reconnect.

I am a nervous person and do lack confidence since my husband died, but know I have to be brave - he's now messaged my daughter again. Argh! He has also friend requested me, which I have ignored. I've had enough of 'friends' today, what a week!

Thank you again for taking the time to help me.

You have to let go of the idea that you have to be "nice" because that will just give them mixed messages about your attitude to them (and encourage them). You dont have to be nasty - just firm and, as others have said just keep avoiding him. I had a very similar situation and kept avoiding her; not returning calls; not returning emails; avoiding making arrangements; not answering the door, etc. It took nearly a year (!) but eventually she got the message and haven't heard from her since. Sadly, she was another User.

Tried that with JW’s, even quoted bible, years later and they still keep coming trying to convert me lol

LondonGranny, I have found my people ??. Sounds like something I would say.
mosaicwarts, I hope you find the courage needed to be as direct as you possibly can with this intruder in your life. They clearly aren't wanted by you and I think you will have to be blunt to get your message across. I'm sure we will all virtually hand hold whilst you tell him!! ? good luck

Jehovah's witnesses and Mormons also run a mile if you tell them that you are a practising Catholic, but that won't work with OP's acquaintance.

Now is not the time to be a nice Nelly. You don't like this person, having found him/her to be insincere and a user in the past. The very fact that this person is trying to renew the friendship now that you widowed sets alarm bells ringing in my head.

Be blunt, ask this annoying person to stop contacting you, as you have no interest in renewing the friendship. If an explanation is asked for, say straight out that you found him insincere and on the make in the past, so you neither can nor will renew the acquaintanceship.