Agony aunt.

Totally agree with those who said - don't give advice - just listen? (or point her here lol)

I don't think counsellors actually GIVE advice do they? Could be wrong, but to me people have to come to their own conclusions. Sometimes people refuse to admit they may have been in the wrong in any way so as a friend, I would just listen and not try to delve too deeply as she may be offended by you suggesting she may, in any way, be at fault!

Sending letters and flowers is fine, so long as the actual problem is recognised and addressed (I mean not dragging it up but saying things like "you said this and I said that" are not helpful in building relationships. Not knowing what the issues are, is hard to make any suggestions.

However, IF two daughters have stopped speaking then....am afraid she needs to ask herself what she is doing wrong. Sometimes there are long hidden things nobody knows anything about.

This is a man you describe as “good”?

He sounds meddling at best.

IMO, it's difficult to be an effective agony aunt for a friend b/c one wants to protect the friendship, and so may not feel comfortable giving the hard advice that might be needed. In some ways, it's easier to give advice on sites like these.

As for your friend, kircubbin, I'm getting the impression that her DDs have valid complaints. They probably see her as defending their dad's bad behavior b/c she won't listen to them. And so, they're cutting her off along w/ him. But you may not feel you can say those things to her.

If she follows your advice to send a card, I hope it opens a door. But if not, she may just have to wait until or unless the issues between them and DH are resolved. Until she faces what's really going on, I doubt her daughters will reconcile w/ her.

Frankly, I'm not sure why she stays w/ this controlling man. But you probably don't feel you can say that to her either.