I’m so worried about my 30 year old daughter

30 is no age these days. She can turn her life around and you will be able to support her with that. Leave her to come to her own decisions initially and then support her along the way. There are always ways forward even if they’re hard and you can remind her of that. You won’t be able to be there every moment but you can be strong for her. Don’t let her see you crying all the time but be alongside her when she cries herself. This is parenting, it’s hard and painful at times. Best wishes to you both.

It is so sad that this is happening and a small child being subjected to it. You must be careful if your daughter is vulnerable. Obvious her partners family knew about this affair and may be feeling guilty or prefer this other person. I feel that once cheated on a partner they are more likely to do it again and he did get away with it for a long time, does he really know what love and commitment is? I guess maybe no. It's a mess but unless your daughter can stick up for herself and sort it out she should leave. Yes I've been there as a parent and I watched my daughter change over night and stick up for herself, shes now married to a wonderful man who loves her for who she is. Thank goodness no children in first marriage. Stick by your daughter and if there ever comes a time to speak out do it in a clear and concise way, but ultimately the decision has to be your daughters. Good luck. X

Beanie654321 I think you may have posted on the wrong thread.

Cathy I know exactly how you feel. My daughter went through a similar breakup, although it was her decision to kick him out they lived together for 5 years. For a about a year she was very very sad. I remember sitting on St Pancras station in tears as I could not help her. She was angry with me and at the world in general.
She gradually picked up the pieces and 10 years later has been happily married for 3 years.
You are lucky your daughter is around - mine was 100 miles away living alone and I daren't check up on her too often as she got angry.

A similar thing happened with my 30 year old daughter last Christmas, she was in a toxic relationship, although she couldn't see that at the time. Things came to a head when she discovered her partner was cheating on her so she walked out.
She came to stay with me, and last Christmas was truly awful, she wouldn't engage with anything or anyone, even her brother and sister she was so terribly depressed.
It has taken 12 months for her to start to feel like a better version of her old self again (her own words).
As others have said it does take time and it might be a good idea as someone suggested to ask her if she feels suicidal. If she does and is not willing to seek medical help or talk to you about her feelings, try to encourage her to contact the Samaritans, by phone, email or text. She may feel better talking to a stranger in a safe environment.
Please also look after yourself and your own emotional well being.

As a mother, I understand your anguish. What you're daughter is going through happens to a lot of people, but some are better at handling it. Nonetheless, emotional heartbreak is cruel at any age and harder to get over for some. Self esteem plays a very big part as well and depression is another big factor.

If you fear she is suicidal, she needs to see a competent counselor ASAP. You are absolutely right in not wanting to leave her alone in such a vulnerable state. The average person is not equipped to treat depression or to avert suicide should that be the case.

A rule I have always stuck to for myself is "never go back" People don't change that much - if a relationship failed the first time around it won't be any better the second. One time I tried going back to live in a place I used to like, and hated it when I went back. Never go back! My sympathies to your daughter, she found out the hard way. Tell her it's a lesson learnt and things will gradually get better from now on. Hope her depression lifts!

If you fear she is suicidal, she needs to see a competent counselor ASAP.

Any councelor who claims that councelling is the appropriate route to deal with acute mental health crisis like suicidal intent is one to avoid!

So many of us have suffered a similar pain Cathy It is early days and time does heal but it might not hurt to get her out of herself. Have a girly night out at a show? . I realise you have no magic cure but it can't hurt her any more to remind her how much she is loved and that there are other fish in the sea
As for being 30 - that is so young nowadays and at least she doesn't have a child by this person horrible man.

Have you ever heard of The Rules - supposedly about finding Mr Right. BUT it is actually about how to live a happy life and not get your heart broken. I wish it had existed (or I'd had a canny Ma) years ago. Anyway, after a suitable period of sadness (really as short as poss) - you need to take a step back - better for you both. And she has to learn that she is FAR TOO GOOD to be messed about by this excuse for a man. It actually is better to be solo and happy than linked to a man who is neither committed nor caring. When opportunities for women were few, we had to put up with this. Not now, not for someone who is clearly very employable. - Sorry to be blunt, I do know how these things can really damage you. Strength to you both.

I'm not sure that you sitting and crying about your daughter's situation is very helpful to her. I understand you are worried about her but she has enough to deal with without having to worry about your devastation. With the right support she will get over this.
To be honest with you, it is quite possible that it is not all over yet with her ex. It may well be that he is experiencing great pressure and guilt over the end of his marriage along with the effect on his child. Men can often feel dispirited in these situations and feel they have to tow the line. Years ago I was in a similar situation and after a brilliant New Year's Eve my boyfriend finished the relationship on New Year's Day because of the pressure he was getting from his ex wife. I was devastated at the time but it wasn't over until several break ups more. That wasn't over his ex-wife but because I realised he wasn't worth the trouble!
You have to give your daughter time to grieve and then gradually help her to rebuild her life. In time she should look at this as a new beginning in her life, look at her options and seize any opportunities with both hands.