Husband won't holiday away next Xmas due to MIL

? in the nicest possible way YAB a teeny bit UR. You can go away at any time of year so why pick Christmas? However I don’t think YABU wanting to go away at NY as it’s something and nothing and up until the 70’s wasn’t even a BH. Nice to know you have a husband that respects his Mum so much. Go away at NY, just not too far.

We didn't go away this year, as we have a poorly elderly uncle, and no-one else to go visit him. So family came to us just after Xmas

Does this holiday actually have to be at xmas? Or you can do it in France or something and use the eurostar

I’m not sure about the backstory with your MiL, but a thought - we have been away for Christmas and New Year with son, DiL and grandchildren to a hotel somewhere sunny. Lovely and we all enjoyed it but it didn’t mean we escaped planning and some work!

Another time I would plan a simple Xmas lunch in a pub or Cafe Rouge local to home with family, some places are not too expensive. And then leave for a sunny holiday on 27 Dec. Some people in our hotel had done this, and it seemed to be a cheaper option.

Obviously, this might not suit you totally, but I think it’s a workable option - if all else between you and your husband is happy.

We fortunately can afford it, and fully appreciate that many people for reasons of finance or disability, can’t consider this option.

Just think, if you didn't have your very kind considerate DH and your DS went off and left you alone at special times eg Christmas, how would you feel. Some people have no one who would care, your DH does!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The drip feed was BU.

I understand your feelings and your husband's too - but do suggest you get your winter sun at another time, and find another way not to feel stressed about Christmas. Your husband would not enjoy Christmas if he was worrying about his mum being alone and I salute him for it - to be old and alone on Christmas day could be very miserable indeed, if you know your family could have been with you, but chose not to be. Your husband chose you - he wants to be with you! But he also loves his mother and his caring nature is one reason to celebrate having him in your own life.

Nannan

Apologies, I wasn't referring to you at all.

IM not on husbands side..he seems like a coward,a mummys boy,& hes becoming as mean as his mother if hes blaming his wife for everything.id take my child, and get as far away from the husband and his mum as i can.and stay there.

Some posters on the first link agreed it was a dh problem and now they turn it around and they are on the dh's side?

I vaguely remember that previous post but did not realise it was same person MawB. I think i advised then to get out of it ......

This lady does not seem to be getting any sacrificial love or caring from her MIL or her husband? At xmas or any other time? My advice would be to separate as she seems to have come to end of the line with this poisonous relationship.get out now before it poisons your relationship with your child,before he gets any older..your problem is not xmas,its the whole marriage.

Ok. I appreciate there are far deeper issues now than just the holiday problem.

Aw,its a lot clearer now..well,how about the MIL goes to visit her sister a week or 2 at xmas so that the son& his family can either,a) go with her but holiday at same time,maybe in their own acommodation,or b) go somewhere else entirely,but at same time so they dont have to worry over MIL.? And as for other problems they seem to have,well i can say you do need to evaluate your whole relationship- i for 1 wouldnt want to be in a marriage like that,and also,a child does NOT need its father in order to be happy.in fact would indeed be better for him if he wasnt in middle of a situation where both parents seem greatly unhappy together,also its not a good role model for him to have a dad whose a mummys boy.sorry to harsh.but the truth hurts.please sort the relationship,then the holiday plans will take care of themselves probably.

From the fist link

"also with our son she will run in his room during the night every time he cries and smirks at me while holding him.. she likes to literally grab him out of my arms too.."

"I fell over last Christmas due to sheer exhaustion and injured my wrist/ankle, she laughed under her breathe and smirked,"

May I ask which area of the world your MIL is from? You mention she doesn't speak English well

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1270777-Mother-in-Law-issues-and-husband-mummys-boy

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1270503-Husband-seems-very-unhappy

Send her on one of BA’s fear of flying courses! Then take her ?

I find it very hard to understand children who aren't prepared to spend Christmas with their parents especially if there is 1 parent left. Surely Christmas is all about sharing, family and sacrificial love.

I'd like to have been married to a man like your husband!

As someone else suggested, why not go away alone?

Is the son only little??still,any age can enjoy butlins,theres bingo even for your MIL,& she can make new friends.

Ellianne,

Search OP's background. Her son's age is there.

As your sons little Butlins do very good holidays over xmas apparently,good for kids,and all food taken care of! Ive never been at xmas,but have been to Butlins loads of times in summer,easter,etc,its great.no cooking if you choose food plans,no cleaning,you could even book your MIL her own separate 'room' or accommodation, but still have her with you.Id love to try it at xmas.They do it up like a winter wonderland! Look it up,it could be a compromise.and you can suggest it as a lovely hol for her darling only grandson! She'd seem churlish to resist.

Well spotted Nannan. We didn't get that bit of information until later in the thread. Of course if she can fly to her sister when it suits her she can jolly well fly with her son and his family.

Where does it say her son is only one MawB? I thought it meant there is only one son? If he is still a baby, perhaps the mil is worried she will have to do all the babysitting on holiday.

Hang on- your MIL can fly to be with her sister every other year,but she WONT fly at xmas for you all to go away together?? I have got that right? Im sorry but 'afraid of flying' means that your afraid at all times not 'only occasionally when it suits me' - this does seem to throw a different light on it,as the MIL seems perfectly ok to fly when it suits her to holiday with sister? But not so her son& his family can enjoy a holiday abroad for once? Then yes,she is being sly& manipulative in my book. Id organise a holiday for you& your own son,tell your hubby he and his mum are welcome to come,if not go without them.