Husbands friends.

I have been where you are - wife of my ex husband's best friend always used to make snide remarks about anything and everything about me each time we met starting with, after being asked if I would ever like to come back to the UK from where I lived in Australia at the time, I answered that yes I would - to which she said "Why, what's so good about it?"
Next time we met, a few weeks after I had suffered a stillbirth - "What did you do wrong so that your baby died?" followed by, "I can recommend a good gym so that you can lose all the post baby flab that you are carrying"
I must admit I was pretty speechless after those, but the next time I was unfortunate enough to bump into her while shopping and she made a comment about my weight (I was pregnant again) "I see you haven't bothered to lose weight) I had had enough - I just looked her up and down and said "I see that you haven't had a filter put on your mouth yet then !" She stood there like a stunned mullet while I walked away.
My ex then told me off for speaking to her like that !!!

Just smile and say "I'm fine as I am thanks", then turn to speak with someone else.

Tell her being annorexic is bad for her health
When she flares you say;
Now you know how i feel when you keep making snidy arrogant personal comments to me

mumofmadboys Your sister would get along well with mine. If we went out for a drink and I asked for a coke, she would get diet one (although she knows I don't like them). I asked for some slips one Christmas. She asked my size and I told her I was a 12 or 12/14. She bought a 10. When I was in hospital I asked her to get me a size 14 dressing gown and nightie. She brought me a size 10 (and the nightie was see through).
I asked her to bring some butter when she was coming for Christmas and she brought low fat spread. I needed it for cooking so had to go out and get some from a local shop. It is a form of gaslighting and wasn't the only form she used so I gave up on her in the end.
Londonwife Although your husband should defend you, a lot of men don't seem to get it that they should and I don't think that it is totally up to him. You have two choices. Accept that she is obnoxious and ignore it or react in a firm way. I don't think it really matters what you say as long as it is a clear put down. You can either force her to be even nastier like asking 'why do you ask' or some such. Or point out that that it is possible to be too thin or some such.
Don't let her affect your social life. She is the one being mean. Why you be the one to not be able to go out?

I would turn it round and say that she appears to have a weight issue is it that she cannot gain weight. You thought she had been looking a bit under par.

She's a bully. Call her out and ask her if she got a refund from her charm school. I was once told publicly by a woman I worked with, that her boyfriend said that any breast bigger than a man's hand was a waste. I responded that her man must have toddler's hands. That shut her up. Needless to say I am big breasted but its in my genes.

Just tell her you are happy with your body and not many women can say that!

I would say ‘ why would I fast/ diet ? I love my body and so does my husband ! ‘ Usually shuts them up.

Tell her you would rather look like Nigella Lawson than Gillian Ms Keef!! LOL

oops Mc Keef

Londonwifi It sounds as if your husband is scared to stand up for you for fear of causing an atmosphere. If he did challenge this woman, her husband would have to defend her and you'd probably then have to go home! Yes, it's spineless but understandable.

The reason people put others down is always to make themselves feel better. Take the wind out of her sails by getting in first with a barrage of compliments to her. Put a smile on your face and admire her outfit. Tell her how stylish she is. Comment positively on her hairstyle. Ask her how she manages to stay so slim. Ask her what colour is her lipstick. Think of a list and bombard her with it. Don't give her a chance to say anything negative to you. She'll be confused, perhaps, but she might find it hard to be bitchy when you're being so nice.

Remind yourself, privately, that it's actually healthier to be curvy than it is to be underweight. Above all, try to accept yourself and not make comparisons. Enjoy planning your campaign!

My first thought was that the lady is being passive aggressive. She will if you let her. Another suggestion for a comeback is to smile sweetly and say sweetly " You are obviously happy with how you are and I am happy with myself. Let's leave it there." . You have the moral high ground then and have been assertive.
If she persists then try telling her quietly - on her own- how she makes you feel and that some tact and diplomacy wouldn't go amiss.
From what you say you have tried to raise some support from your husband but he's not listening. Would he be up for chiming in with " I like you the way you are too." That gives him a share of the moral high ground and shouldn't cause a war.
I hope the gentle response works and he gets the message too.

Cheeky so-and-so!
Say, "I prefer to look like a real woman," then leave it hanging there so that she can draw her own conclusions.
If it is possible, get up and walk away, go home without saying a word, just glare at her if she belatedly says sorry.
Surely others have noticed her attitude? Shame on them for not defending you and telling her she's rude.

I would be more concerned about my husbands lack of support. Next time it happens....you could smile, look her in the eyes and say ‘goodness, you seem very concerned about my weight, let me say this out loud, I am very comfortable in my skin and would never feel the need to make disparaging remarks about another woman, can we stop this now’? See how you go...she will back down and if your husband is unsupportive, tell him you could be just as unsupportive to him and he needs to decide whose side he is on.

Clearly H wants to 'keep the peace' so don't judge him as I don't think he is being rude by not joining you and your feelings about this woman when at social gatherings.Let friends make their own opinion of this weight obsessed woman. Do you believe you are overweight ? If you feel so then the remedy is in your hands but don't let this woman, who is clearly 'obsessed' where not only her own but others appearance is concerned, get you down.

Londonwifi
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
Eleanor Roosevelt
1. So stop giving this woman permission to make you feel inferior. You are better than her.
2. Don’t be tempted to respond with any of the catty responses some posters have suggested. That makes you as bad as her.
3. Don’t start blaming your husband. Put on your big girl knickers and deal with it yourself.
4. Buy yourself a dress from Bombshell.
www.bombshellhq.com/
If your DH notices your purchase and complains about the expense, tell him you need it to impress his friends

you need to speak out .say in front of the others ."how dare you speak to me like that". it is most upsetting AND there is nothing with my body that i am uncomfortable with .she is a bully....

Whilst some of the catty responses on here are very funny, I agree with janeainsworth that you should not stoop to her level. I liked the response from a previous poster, “I am perfect as I am, thanks.” It’s quick and to the point without being nasty. If she persists then maybe you could ask if she means to be so rude? Both responses are easy to remember and fit any number of insults.

I would just say with faux surprise (and mock indignation)
"What are you trying to say?!!' I have done this a few times, and because I don't really do confrontation and don't want to cause an atmosphe, I laugh it off. It's never failed to make the other person feel a little embarrassed, and puts you in a good light.
.

Full eye contact
Look her up and down
Full eye contact
Sad smile
Gentle voice
" so is it anorexia or bulimia?'
Maintain eye contact.

See who blinks first!

I think the most dignified response is to say “I beg your pardon?” Draw attention to her rudeness, but don’t be drawn into a battle of barbs.

Londonwifi, you should not be bullied like this and have to listen to comments like that.
You also mention that your husband will not have a word said against her as they have been friends for a very long time.
I am thinking along the lines as to how long you have been with your husband and as his wife he should be supporting you above any of his friendships particularly if these remarks are embarrassing and hurtful to you. Ask him for more support.

Jaylucy ?

I agree with ignoring the comments - silence can speak volumes. However, wouldn't it be tempting to remind her of the old adage that we choose our face or our figures as we get older - what a shame she has chosen her figure.

jaylucy Wow! Some people are so unpleasant! Obviously I don’t advocate violence, but I would have been sorely tempted to shove your ex husband’s best friends wife’s teeth down her throat!

As for this particular charmer, you could just smile / grin next time she says something as though what she has just said has just confirmed something someone else has said. In a ‘I had a bet with someone you’d been a bitch and you have been’ face, look hugely assumed but say nothing. If she asks why you’re smiling, say, “oh nothing” slightly hesitantly. It will almost certainly disconcert her and yet you have done nothing other than smile (so husband, or indeed anyone else cannot not say you have retaliated) and she is unlikely to do it again. Sounds a bit Machiavellian, but you can keep the moral high ground and stop her in her tracks in one fell swoop. I once had a hideous female boss who was notorious for chewing people’s heads off. She once was vile (without justification) to me and the ruder, more aggressive and shouty she became, the more polite I was. She was incandescent with rage in the end and literally screeching like a banshee. I was calm, composed, super polite and never had a problem with her again. Behaving in a way people don’t expect can really throw them, particularly when they are being vile.