Husbands friends.

It sounds to me as if she has body image problems and is making the remarks because she feels that despite her obsessive exercise and diet, she doesn't look (or feel) good and is jealous of you.

Next time she says anything like that. Pause, visibly look her up and down and then say 'Well, it is better than the alternative.' Job done.

I think between us we have given you enough ripostes, to deal with her for a year or two.

I wouldn’t say anything that requires support from your OH. Sounds as if this might well backfire on you as he obviously lacks emotional intelligence.

Perhaps a convenient migraine coming on before the next visit or else an assertive query pointing out how rude and inappropriate her comments are. Sounds odd but practice the facial expression and wording regularly so that it comes out as naturally as possible.

My most effective riposte in dealing with a similarly rude person was to ask, sweetly but very audibly, whether she had to practise being that unpleasant or did it come naturally?Never had any more trouble from her.

Red haired GD was being teased by boys from the year above when in primary school. Taught her to do the looking slowly from feet to bed and then say “better than mouse” and walk away. That too was effective.

Your line is "don't be so personal". Preferably said in front of others. I am quite sure everyone who hears her thinks she is being incredibly rude.

What about the other women in the room - are they all slim, if not, does this woman call them out too?

The best way to put a stop to it is to laugh and say you love your figure, that you’d hate to look like a stick insect.( or think of your own words). No need to imply anything against her, but I think a life spent watching your food and going to the gym sounds very sad as though there is something lacking. There is a balance between being fanatic and going to pot.
Of course if she has touched a nerve you could just ask her what she recommends - and if it involves a strict vegan diet or whatever, make sure your husband has to join you in doing it - it will serve him right!

I suggest that you turn the tables and ask if she has thought of seeing a doctor about her eating disorder.

“Have you tried fasting or dieting?”
“Why? So that I can look like you?”

Just say no, I haven’t tried these things, because I’m frightened I’ll look like you!

Oh boy you have my sympathy. It really hurts when your other half fails to have your back when a so called friend is so bitchy to you & sweet as sugar to others. It happened to me at the start of our relationship, he said I was being too sensitive, he hadn't heard a word of it, it was 'just her way' etc. Sadly, he moaned to his sister about how he couldn't understand why I had taken against this long time family friend, she shared this with her! Now I'm seen as the person with the problem. She's very pushy, very glamourus and I'm not. I haven't a problem with other genuine,beautiful women we know. But this one woman set my 6th sense jangling, she just couldn't wait to inform me (somewhat crudely) that my now hubby & her had been lovers when they were both much younger & single. His family had taken to her, expected them to wed but she took off after bigger fish. They all seem to be in awe of her & she still gets invited to family events with her hubby and is not backward at inviting herself. There was absolutely no need for her to be cruel to me & they all see her as life and soul of the party. I really do try to rise above it, it is the past, but she gets the girlie invites in the family not I. She's entrenched, I'm the newbie.

Use Churchill’s smart remark
Madam, I can lose weight. You however will always be ugly
Priceless

I would just refuse to go. I won't spend time with people I don't like. Life is too short.

Tell your husband why and let him go on his own.

Let us know Londonwifi how you get on after being in her company again. Hopefully once put in her place she will be more respectful to you

'I was taught when I was young to always think before I speak and to be kind' and smile sweetly at her.

Hi London, you say that this woman asked you if you’ve ever tried fasting or dieting.
In my opinion, a very odd, to say the least, conversation for a dinner party and way too personal.
She’s definitely trying to goad you.
Next time she says something so crass, tell her that the idea has never entered your head and you are very happy with your figure as it is.
If she tries again, tell her that you seem to remember we had this conversation before.
I wouldn’t give a sarcastic answer, otherwise she’ll know she has touched a nerve but saying that it’s never entered you head and you’re happy with your figure is a good answer,
I know what I’d really like to say to her though!

I would agree with the PP who say don't rise to it and don't use any nasty replies. If she asks you about fasting and dieting again just say really pleasantly, "No, I am very happy as I am, thank you". The good thing is you can say this naturally and with conviction as you will be telling the truth.

There is something lacking in her life to be so body obsessed, it isn't very pleasant for those around her as diet and exercise is probably her main topic of conversation.

My daughters and I have a word for women like this, who undermine other women and massage the egos of the men. She is a manpleaser and I wouldn't waste any time or emotional energy on her. I would simply tell my husband that I would not be spending any more time in her company.

I agree with @tinker18 - she’s not worth your emotional energy. If you do feel you would still like to go then look up “medium chill” - great strategy that allows you to be assertive but without any drama. Their behaviour can remain the same but you are no longer impacted. Can take a bit of practice but would be perfect in this type of interaction!

Totally out of order. Next time I would say something like 'sorry?' getting her to repeat. And again. Until she looks the rude person that she is. That or just totally ignore her as if she had not spoken.

If she asks you again if you've tried dieting or fasting, say "No, why, were you thinking of giving it a try?"

Thanks everyone. In answer to some of your questions, no I am not seriously overweight. I could maybe do with losing half a stone but I’m fine, I workout regularly and enjoy my food. I personally think she takes everything to extreme. We have been away on holiday with them and she never sits still. Always trying to get everyone to do what she wants all the time. Boring.

Next time she asks if you tried fasting.
Reply have you tried eating chocolate

This sort off thing makes me so bloody mad,everyone are shapes and sizes and as long as your happy it’s no one
Else’s business.

JayLucy. That is terrible! Well done for putting her in her place.

Londonwifi, I've only read 3 pages but I'd ask your husband to read all these replies, some very good indeed, & when he's read to the end, or perhaps just some that you've picked out especially, ask for his thoughts. If he says he can't be bothered I would tell him you didn't feel like 'being bothered' to start this post, but if he'd supported you in the first place, rather than allowing his friend to undermine you none of this would have been necessary. He probably hadn't wanted to start any trouble with his friends & by taking that stance is just a weakling.

MadMaggie. I really feel for you. My situation sounds so minuscule in comparison. Hold your head up. You know that you are the better person, Hugs.

Sounds to me as if she is jealous of you, maybe she knows that her husband really prefers a woman with a shape instead of a stick and feels insecure in your preacence