Husband told adult daughter he loves her

I have a friend with an adult son who she speaks to several times a day. At the end of the conversation they both say I love you
Which I think is a tad excessive.

Unfortunately, those words don’t come easily to me, so I never say it.
It’s probably because I was never told that as a child.
Also, my age group didn’t say things like that.
My daughter on the other hand says it to my four year old gs all the time and I do like to hear them saying it, but I feel embarrassed if I try to utter those words.

He's a man. My husband is much the same. Just self conscious and a bit reserved. We've been married for 40 years and he's never said he loves me. Except during the first year or so... I don't say it to him either. But I know he loves me and I love him. No need to keep saying it, and people just become comfortable with each other and it's a given. We don't say it to our daughter either, or her to us. In fact she would be very embarrassed if we started that. But we are all very close and it doesn't need stating. People often say it without even thinking, and it isn't always sincere. You could try giving him a card on his next birthday or wedding anniversary and just write on it that you still love him very much "even after 49 years" or something. See how he reacts to that?

After such a brilliantly long time to be together you have both shown how loving you are. For many people it is the actions and not the words.

I know it's a cliche, but actions DO speak louder than words. If someone behaves towards you in a loving way, isn't that what matters?

Perhaps the thing to ponder Redsmudgy is how many people say those words freely, but mean anything but?

I think that is really sad. Surely he must have said it in the early days of your relationship? How did he propose? Do you say it to him? My dad was a sailor, he died while his ship was in Canada when I was 18. I don't remember the last time I saw him, or if I even said goodbye, I was probably on my way to school. Consequently I always tell my husband I love him, probably several times a day, and ALWAYS when he or I leave each other to go go anywhere , and he does the same. And always with a hug and a kiss. I would tell him that you love him and ask him why he never tells you that he does the same. He has probably never even realised he doesn't say it.

I find it hard to say, as does my DH, but our actions towards each other show our love . I think to say it too much cheapens it tbh .

When I was first with my bloke (8 or 9 months in), I asked him if he loved me. I'd told him ages before, which for me, was my way of saying 'we're in a proper relationship now.' To my shock he said, 'I am very fond of you.' I said nothing at the time, but after I got home that evening, I dumped him. I also sent him a very nice letter explaining why. He'd previously told me he took a long time to love someone, but there are limits. Almost a year was definitely long enough.

I was very upset about our needing to split up, but was getting on with it. Until the phone calls started coming from him again, ending in a long, late night call ending in the three little words.

He said it pretty regularly after that, but over the years it's dwindled. At times, I pin him in the corner in the kitchen, and force him to say it. LOL. Poor old sod.

I think maybe it’s easier for some men to say love you at the end of a phone call, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you redsmudgy, I can understand you feeling hurt if he’s never said it to you in 49 years,but as others have said actions speak louder than words, I find it unusual he didn’t say I love you at all though, but do you ever say it to him?

And I bet he secretly likes to be pinned in the corner of the kitchen Gagajo. Mine would lol

I can’t remember my parents ever telling my sister and I that they loved us and I don’t think they ever said it to each other either , although I know they did love each other .

I am the opposite . Always tell my DH, children and GC that I love them . For me it’s important that they know .

Same here Gillybob. Never heard it as a child myself and I don't want my DC and GC to grow up with the same memory.

TrendyNannie6, these days he's grateful for any attention he gets from me at all.

Could it be, Redsmudgy, that your daughter said it to him at the end of the phone call and he was just repeating it, as one does?

Certainly galling. But maybe you should just start saying it to him when going out without him (or vice versa) 'Bye, love you!' or at bedtime....

My mom never ever said it to me, however tells my children alllllllll the time.
I do tell my dp I'm grateful and I love him and I do. My children, I tell them too.
Maybe my Mom didn't say it became I'm the black sheep, but upon reflection I don't remember the golden child being told either.
I know my maternal grandma told me and my mom, and Grandad when he was with us.
I guess some people feel embarrassed to discuss their emotions as though it a weakness?

I think this is a generation thing. My daughter often says this in texts etc. My DH can't stand anything gooey and sentimental but he does put the rubbish out each week. Not one for flowers but then he's from New Zealand with Scottish ancestry.
How racist is that!

Redsmudgy Can I ask if you tell him you love him? If not then perhaps if you say it he will say it back - try it.

I often just give Mr B a hug and say I love u lots. He does the same. Its not every day or all the time just now and again.

I have always told my DC and DGC.
I have a 23 month old DGGD
she was visiting with her mum and grannie [my dd] yesterday.
I haven’t been to well better now but didn’t want to give her a hug just in case so she blow? me a kiss and said I love you Gigi that’s her name for me GGrannie.
I was really touched as she doesn’t say much.
everyone stopped what they were doing and just stared at for a moment we were all shocked as she is so young and only see’s
us every now and again.
It was a lovely moment. We are a very close family and I think like someone else has said I was the black sheep because I wasn’t a boy so never got told anyone loved me so I and my husband have always told our children and grandchildren and each that we love them so we assumed our dggd had heard us, but who knows what goes through a toddler’s mind.

Yes Chewy. Like you I was determined that my children would be brought up VERY differently to the way my sister and I were. My parents were very cold and I have no memory of hugs, kisses or expressions of love and affection.

I think you need to pluck up the courage and ask your DH if he loves you Redsmudgy . Tell him that you love him very much (assuming you do of course) and although you appreciate how good he is to you, it would be nice if sometimes he could say “the words” .

That might be due to the fact you’re in Switzerland GagaJo at present!
?

say it in the dark in bed then even if you or he are embarrassed by it you wont see it.Though why anyone would feel embarrassed to tell a loved one they love them surprises me .I tell my OH every day and he tells me.The last words my dad said to my mum was I love you ..and he .was just going to buy fish for dinner ,he didn't know he would die at the shops .If its important to you make it happen

Many of us aren't demonstrative which doesn't mean that we don't feel things very keenly - we're just not in the habit of saying 'I love you' out loud - that's all.
There are different, more practical ways of demonstrating love in a relationship - keeping the family together, making a home, being there, etc.
We don't behave like romantic figures but if we do say something we really mean it instead of a casual throw away comment. Don't be too sad OP, you can't have everything. If you're happy in other ways and you care for each other that is something to celebrate.

Actions speak louder than words. My husband tells me every day that he loves me but it’s so automatic it’s like saying ‘how are you,’ and not expecting or wanting an answer.

When your DH said 'I love you' to your DD, isn't it possible that he was responding when she said just the same?