No sex

First post, but likely to be a long one.
Hope that no one is too shocked by what follows.

Firstly, hopefully the OP and her partner will have found a mutually satisfying solution to their problem.

Some time ago, a widow, after more than 50 years of marriage (not a family member) said "Sex is important in a marriage. If the sex is good, the marriage is good"
Personally, it saddens me to learn that so many couples give up in their 50s and 60s.

For what my advice is worth.
There is no age at which you have to stop, go on as long as you are both happy so to do.
Also, there is no normal frequency. All couples vary, even from time to time. Stress, health, emotions, diet, exercise, all have an effect.
Sex is good for you, mentally and physically, in so many ways. (not least that it slows the onset of Alzheimers)
It is wonderful bonding agent, that helps you to care for each other..
If there are any problems, talk about them. Tell what you like and even your fantasies. Do not be shy! Do not give up,
Nine pm on Friday night in the bedroom with the lights out is not the only time and place. Make it fun! You are both supposed to give and experience pleasure
Try different times, rooms, positions.
Do "naughty" things in different places, but don't get locked up for offending public decency!
If there are disabilities, find means of overcoming them.
You have hands, and lips. Put them to good use.
There are worse ways of spending an afternoon, before taking a nap
There are good books around, if you feel the need for guidance or ideas.

Try to turn each other on. Fortunately, DW and I both share her liking of pretty, lacy undies.
DW and I have been married for well over 50 years, and we still make love regularly, some might say frequently.
DW has health conditions, which I am spared, but we are blessed with fairly good health
The sum of our ages comes to 160! So our repertoire has diminished a little, but we still enjoy it.
Hope that this helps.

When my wife and I were both in our early 50's (59 now) we had a lull in our intimacy. She was going through menopause, and her gynecologist suggest hormone replacement therapy. We talked about it and she decided to go for it and it really helped a lot. Since I was also really not into sex (which is not like me) she suggested I try the Testosterone replacement also. We have both been on replacement therapy for two years and our libido's have been reset to when we were in our 30's (well maybe 40's).
So, for anyone whose husband is suddenly not into having intimate relations, please have them see their doctor to determine their testosterone levels. Men do go through Andropause and it will kill their libido, trust me, I was there. Life is too short for couples to not enjoy intimacy.

Perhaps Smedlyswife, it may help to focus on how you Feel about the situation which hopefully will direct you to Think about what you want to do about it .
Allsaint55 , Perhaps it would be an idea to revise your situation in a few months time, it may make it clearer to you if you really do want to live this way permanently, best wishes

I’m 61 and have adjust found out my husband has started watching porn, he reckoned it’s been going on for 3 months and he found it by accident. However in his top 2 sites on both iPhone and iPad and now says it’s about a year. We’ve been married 21 years and I thought we had an average sex life, always in bed, usually the same way but reasonably satisfying I suppose. In the past he has laughed at my attempts to seduce him so I don’t, he indicates sex 99.9% of the time. I’m slightly overweight (BMI 26.5) and I’m ok looking, I look after myself and keep myself as nice as I can. I don’t know what to think,

I've been divorced for over 13 years and havent had a partner or sex since before then and don't miss it one bit although I'm 61 I would like to hear from anyone else who has been celebrate as well

Thank you im often reading the various threads and find them good company during the day and evening

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Don't be silly, or indeed gratuitous Melsi.

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If you are both hoping for greater physical intimacy then I would say go to a relationship counsellor. See if the 'distance' you seem to be feeling can be closed and you can both enjoy each other sexually again. Worth a bit of effort!

In my opinion, sex is important in a relationship, but not the "be all and end all". As we get older, everyone is different. Some of us can keep shagging until we are in our 80s or older, but then there are those of us who in our late 50s or 60s are happy with some lovely cuddles and kisses and affecetion. Whatever suits? As for having your own bedroom, ABSOLUTE BLISS!

Just a word of warning. When a man suffers from a drop in libido it could be the first warning of early stage prostate cancer.
Caught early this terrible disease can be treated. My husband was too embarrassed to seek help and by the time he went to the doctor due to bone pain he was terminal.
Every man should have regular PSA tests. Please please ensure you other half goes for this routine blood test. No intrusive physical examination is required unless the results are high.

Sorry everyone, I know this isn’t the right thread, but wanted to answer Kimi64, in case she wasn’t reading anywhere else.

Kimi64 I think it’s quite a new treatment. The drug stops the foetus growing, and is reabsorbed into the body. This means your daughter won’t lose her fallopian tube. All the best for you all.

We also don't have sex any more. This seem to have started when I was going through the menopause and at the time was grateful that my DH was not too demanding. However post menopause at the age of 55 the urges returned for me but not for him. This did upset me at the time and made me suspicious because we had such an active sex life mainly instigated by DH. I was only 55 and he 59 both fit and healthy except no sex so could not understand.

After a year of no sex I asked him if he was having an affair, answer 'no' and there was actually no evidence to suggest otherwise. When asked 'why has he gone off me', no answer. So we trundle on like this for the next ten years, subject never discussed. Occasionally we tried but neither of us could complete the act although it was fun trying. I came to the conclusion that the menopause was a signal to him to stop.

I have now retired but DH is still working at 70. We enjoy each other's company, still sleep together but our sex life is over and though have happy memories of it, no longer yearn for it. We have been married 46 years, had a good sex life with end result three lovely children, job and duty done.
Its our time now to just enjoy ourselves and each other.

Kimi, I wish I could advise but I gave no knowledge of this. First of all I am so sorry this has happened., Perhaps you might post on the Health Forum, where I am sure there will be someone will be able to help.
Hope all goes smoothly for your daughter. ?

Sadly my daughter in law is being treated for an ectopic pregnancy ,I don't know much about this procedure .She has been treated with a drug today via injection . Could anyone shed some light from experience please ?

Do you want to live the rest of your life like this? Does your husband not recognise how it affects you, just because he’s ok with it? It’s not easy as you get older to find someone you really get on with and want to be with. After 15 years a widow I still miss my husband but have never found anyone that could match up to him, so I am resigned to the fact that there won’t be anyone else for me as sex and love is what I would want I couldn’t have s physical relationship with out love as old fashioned as that might seem. If there was a medical reason when married that we could not have sex I could live with that, but not if he just didn’t care anymore.

Cookie Monster 66 . We are in the same boat . I have had opportunity but decided to reframe too . If he found out he would finish it and it’s just not worth the fall out , families etc . I feel I’m his cover so everybody thinks he’s normal with a nice woman on his arm . There is all that pretence when other people are around . I’m happy with my life . I’ve just never experienced this before like you . All my life it seems that men have always been up for it .. bit of a nuisance sometimes when I was younger so this took a long time for me to fathom out

@Allsaints55 Totally Agree with you, I too do not want to cheat, or live like a nun either. He had previous GF who was in a poly relationship, he said at the time "saved me a job!" alarm bells should have rung then! Like you previous wife left because she wanted a baby, and she had affair with someone, she knew she would not get baby if she stayed with him. He likes to portray perfect hubby image, if we are out with other couples and they are holding hands or arms round each other, he tries to do same, as if it reminds him what he is supposed to do/how other couples act. But this makes me angry, the minute they are out of sight I am repelled like a leper. I don't want to put on a 'show' I want genuine affection. I have had two opportunities to be unfaithful since I married him, yet I crossed my legs and refrained, spent the whole day crying after , kicking myself, double edged sword, glad I was faithful wife, but still yearning for physical pleasure. Wish I was brave enough to ask him if I could take on a lover, I think due to ex wife's previous affair, he would freak out!

I don't think you are "very happy" it does sound like the end of an affair. When you both agreed you should have sex, first you thought you would have to make "an effort" and then you didn't do it, why didn't you drag him off to bed there and then, there must have been a reason. You are both still young you really need to ask yourselves what is going on and what is going to go on, if the answer is nothing maybe you need to seriously rethink what you can cope with.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

What do I do . Don’t want to cheat . Don’t want to live like a nun for the rest of my days

I am 61 and also have a husband that decided he didn't want sex anymore, it was as if as soon as we got married 5 years ago he felt he didn't need to bother anymore. I was devastated, and still sad, theres no kisses or cuddles, barely even a smile or friendly comment from him. It doesn't get easier, though I have spent this weekend moving into the spare bedroom, and making it a gorgeous feminine bedroom for myself, no more being woken by snoring farting etc. I decided to stay in the marriage because there is no guarantee it would be better with someone new, I would never have imagined this scenario 6 years ago.