Step-daughters taking my DH out without me

The scenario does not seem at all odd to me. When we still had both Mothers (who did not get on) DH always visited his DM on Mother's Day, with DD1 (whom she doted on) while my sister and I visited our DM. Nowadays, my DD's make a big fuss of me on Mother's Day, while their OHs remember their own DMs.

Maybe they want to remember their mother and talk about her. Nothing wrong with that. They want some time with their Dad. Nothing wrong with that. You get to see your sons - a win all round. Have an all- family get together on another occasion.

I agree with you, Mary52

I'd not be very happy about it either

So you're not alone!

I think it’s great to have the odd day out with their dad, but I would feel a tad miffed, but as you all get on so well I would keep quiet, I do understand where you are coming from though,

craftergran the OP isn't their mother either.Their Dad can talk about the mother they lost .

My Mum is remarried, happily, for over 25 years and I get along well with her husband. However, the time I spend alone with my mum is very different than the time I spend with the both of them. I enjoy doing both. Unfortunately my mums husband doesnt like to be excluded from the time i spend with my Mum and makes things very difficult for us, although we only meet up without him twice a year.

I think maybe you are feeling hurt as this' time on their own' only started last year and has not been a part of your married life until then. There is really nothing wrong with family wanting time on their own, as long as you arent excluded from every arrangement they make.
Enjoy spending time with your sons ...

Its not about you!

I understand how you feel OP but then I'm a stepmum too HUGS

I was very hurt years ago when I hadn't seen my dad for five years on his own without my stepmother being present.
It took all sorts of subterfuge when I finally realised it was never going to happen unless I manufactured occasions.
My stepmother spent loads of time with her daughter without my dad but seemed reluctant to let us spend even ten minutes together. My dad was a typical bloke and hadn't been aware of what was happening but once we had our time he enjoyed talking about the old days.

Maybe they want to talk about memories they have of their Mum and feel it might be rude to do so when you are with them. Please don’t be offended.

Maybe they don't realise that the date they have picked is actually Mother's Day ? Is there any way that your DH will ask them if they can go out on another day?

Think it’s a bit insensitive but that’s just my opinion.

I think it is a lovely thing for them to do actually. I also feel it shows their confidence in you - that you will understand they need that time with their father.

I think having a day out with their father would be fine, perhaps on their mother's birthday.

However, as you have been their step-mother for 25 years and say you get on well, I think it would be kinder if they spent the day with you and the rest of their step-family, to show their appreciation of you.

I can understand how you feel but it's probably best to say nothing.

Maybe they just want to remember their mother on Mother's Day. They were teenagers when she died and it could be that they are now thinking more about her. Especially if they have their own children now.
If you all get on well I don't think they are meaning to offend you just maybe not thinking or maybe they are assuming you will spend the day with your children

Do let them have this time together! I met my husband a year after his wife died, and we married a couple of years after that. I have always actively encouraged him to have alone time with his adult children, as I have time with my daughter. I’m really happy that he loves them as much as he does, as I have friends whose husbands don’t get on with their own AC and that’s worse, believe me! As a blended family we all like each other, and they have welcomed me into the family with open arms, so I feel the least I can do is stand back and let them have their dad to themselves occasionally. As one of the other ladies has said, it’s a can of worms, and once opened you can’t put the lid back on. (Really, you do only have one mum, or dad, no matter how much you like or love your step parent. I’ve been on the other end with a father who re-married after divorce and I never had him to myself and I really missed him) I also agree it gives you time to be with your own kids on Mother’s Day. I firmly believe in paying it forward....you do something nice for someone and someone, somewhere down the line, will do something nice for you .

I really don't see why you have a problem with this. It's important to them to make memories as they lost their mother at a relatively young age and they may just want to not miss out on having time with their Dad.
Why not do the same but with your son's? I think that its lovely that they want to do this and GET IT IN PROPORTION! It's only 1 day in a whole year that they want to have him solely to themselves

I think it's a normal and kind thing to do in the circumstances. They were a family before you came along and you knew that. If they wish to bond for the odd day and remember their mother I think that is lovely for all of them.

You are with your DH every day and for 25 years, can you be generous of spirit and realise that other people have needs and feelings too. I think you are being over sensitive and selfish to be honest.

I knew a couple who married after the mans wife had died and she was so jealous of his son [in his 30's] that the marriage fell apart. She was being utterly ridiculous and controlling.

I had a stepfather who would never, ever leave my mother and me alone when I visited her. So we could never reminisce or discuss family business [which badly needed sorting out]. It was awful for me, I begged her to tell him to leave us alone sometimes as I felt as if I had 'lost' my mother. He did for 2-3 times but relapsed. So please think of the daughters feelings in this, they lost their mother at vulnerable ages and she was so young. They have accepted you for 25 years and show your gratitude please. The scenario could be very, very different.

Since when did we start this 'making memories' malarkey?

It really annoys me

And in actual fact you can't 'make' memories

We remember what we remember

And it's very often not the 'good' things!

One of my strongest memories is my mother falling down the steps of Palma Cathedral. Dragging me with her. Being more concerned with a nick on her kid clutch bag than my knees.

I'd be very upset that they'd chosen to 'make memories' on Mother's Day.

I assume these women are in their 40s now?

Do they not have their own children who will want to spend the day with?

its natural to feel this way and so you should if you want to. sit with it and then let it go. let them have their day.

We siblings take our mum out for special occasions without her husband. I'm sure she wouldn't be upset if his children took him out occasionally either.
They've been married 35+ years.
Its not a big deal. We do get together with them as a couple aswell (although rarely with his children as we're scattered around the country).
Please don't begrudge him time with them. Be happy they have a lovely relationship with both of you separately and together.

I used to encourage my step-daughter to go out with her dad without me. I considered it the right thing to do. Don’t feel hurt. Have a lovely day while they are out.

I wonder if they are being a bit concerned by the fact that they are now both older than their mother was when she died. Perhaps that's why this is a recent arrangement. You can never underestimate how reaching the same age as a parent who died young can affect someone. Let them go with your best wishes. I don't suppose they want to hurt you, just to spend time with their dad. And remember letting people have some space sometimes brings them closer to you.

It seems I’m one of the few who agrees it’s hurtful. Why now after 25 years? Why Mothers Day? There must be many ‘special’ anniversary dates they could have chosen to spend with their dad and I too would feel miffed. Of course it’s lovely for your husband to share days out with his daughters but I find it odd that is happening all these years on.
The cynical side of me wonders if there’s a Will they might be thinking about here.

Dont take it to heart, they just want their "own time" with their Dad.
My Husband died years ago, and my second Husband is sometimes left out when my Daughter wants time with me, I often feel sad about this but dont make a thing of it,I am sure my Husband feels sad at being left out but understands my Daughter needs time alone with me, this doesnt happen so often, so we dont make a fuss.