I have a grandchild i love but really dont like

I remember staying with my grandma and hated it. I was so lonely and scared in a cold dark , strange bedroom. In the 50’s . She wasn’t nasty or strict but I was left to myself with no one to play with. I felt that if I was naughty, she would call my parents to take me home. It worked. I was so happy to see my dad arrive to collect me. I still remember that feeling. I never stayed again.

Anne678tifney I, too, am horrified that your son allows his child to treat you so poorly and echo Forever Autumn’s post. No wonder kids are so unruly with such poor parenting.

Children need well defined parameters. Being overly permissive and sending mixed signals to a strong willed child is a minefield. An eight year old who 'rules the roost' so to speak, will get overwhelmed quite easily because the roles of adult and child eventually become reversed. Not sure why that's happening, but you are not alone.

My own granddaughter just turned ten. My daughter can't do enough for her. She has dance, riding, figure skating lessons, she has clothes, she has toys....everything a little girl could wish for, yet she calls her mother names and is very disrespectful towards her. During our last holiday visit, I stepped in, and she yelled at me to 'shut up'. After we came home, there was another row and my daughter called me in tears. At one point, GD threatened to run away and even shoved her mother aside. This seems to be how many children behave these days.

After their last screaming match, my daughter is now seeing a therapist to help sort out her relationship with her ten year old daughter.

Oh my, your granddaughter sounds just like Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I can understand how you can love someone but not like them.

Your daughter allowing this kind of behaviour really doesn't do the child any favours. I hope she grows out of it!

Sounds like ideal future politician material.

I think the waving and smiling says a lot, obviously used to getting her own way all the time. If you have her to stay again keep it short and sweet personally I would pretend I couldn't get the parents on the phone if she is only staying say two nights. Plenty of distraction and don't be afraid to challenge screaming and carrying on, tell her you won't have it in your house and her mummy didn't do it when she was little and would expect her to be kind to gran. She seems not to have been given any guidance about other peoples feelings.

my step grand-daughter is an only child - rather over indulged by her parents I suspect. She is now in her mid 20's and has turned out to be a spoilt brat frankly! Am not impressed with her behaviour. Good luck with how you deal with your daughter and your grand-daughter.......................!

Spot on Daisymae

Your daughter may be angry you’re telling her how to discipline, but she ( and husband?) are obviously not doing it, and the poor child gets the blame. I am surprised you had her stay with you knowing what you’d be in for, but I’m assuming you just keep trying. This needs fixing now, before your GD gets worse. Teenage years are almost too awful to contemplate. If your daughter doesn’t want to change, then you have to. If it means not seeing your GD, then so be it. In time, she may ask you directly why she doesn’t see you, and you may then be able to chat about it. As she’s been so used to adult company, this may come quicker and be easier than you think.

I feel sorry for the child. She has been allowed to become a spoiled little princess. Think yourself lucky she didn’t stay the whole week !

I think she has her own way in every thing. I personally would not have her stay over until her parents teach her manners and respect. No body will remain friends with a spoilt brat who I'm afraid to say could become abully or a depressed individual. All children need to learn boundaries and yes I have two wonderful children and 4 grandsons. All family have respect for others individualities and thoughts. You have every right to saying no, but until your daughter realises she is doing your granddaughter an injustice.

@ann678tifney That is terrible, I would be furious if either of my children had treated one of their grandparents like that, there certainly would have been consequences and it wouldn't have been also refusing to allow the other children to stay at grandma's house. Your son has in effect punished his other children and you for one disrespectful and badly behaved boy and I'm not sure I would be able to forgive him for that. I'm so glad that you have other grandchildren with whom you have a good relationship.

Hang on in there, they can turn out to be totally delightful ,to the point that you can hardly remember their more difficult earlier years.

What a shame about the situation.

I doubt your granddaughter’s friendship situation will change anytime soon given her demanding ways. Such a shame for her. It’s a pity her parents can’t see it.

Let’s hope your daughter has the grace to contact you to apologise for upsetting your week and your plans too. I’d go out and treat yourself with your free time and wouldn’t give another thought about offering to have your granddaughter to stay in the shorter term. You have my sympathies, in your situation I’d have done exactly the same.

I had a similar situation with one of my GS. The grandchildren all took turns, normally 2 at a time to stay over on a Friday even. As he got older he started playing up terrible, not because he was spoilt, I really think he had a serious problem, but he wouldn't go to bed, and answered me back all the time, shouting and swearing, it go so bad that some nights I would end up crying. The last time he stayed I said enough is enough, he couldn't come any more, but he wasn't bothered and he said he would make sure his brother and sister wouldn't come either, and unfortunately my DS agreed and they all stopped staying over, but it was their loss, unfortunately it meant I don't have the same relationship with them as I do with my other grandchildren. So yes I know what you mean by Loving them but not liking them!!!

I have recently read Anne Glenconner's book; she talks of her husband's almost unbelievable rages and tantrums, in private and public, that she indulged for the whole of their marriage, convinced that this was a condition that could not be helped.
However, for a time she had Barbara Barnes as her children's nanny, and when Colin Tennant started a demonstration of uncontrolled rage this lady - clearly used to raving toddlers! - told him to stop it, and get up as he was frightening the children, and he did.
This little girl is lined up for some serious trouble as she grows. I do sympathise - but I also agree that nobody is 'forced' to do as she wants. A refusal, with a smile, pointing out that others want something different, and then leave it to the parents to deal with the raving - they are responsble.

I agree with Lemongrove, you should consider the possibility that she is on the autistic spectrum. Such children can be very controlling as a means of coping, and parents don't realise to what extent they are being controlled by the child (family and professional experience here). Of course, she might just be very spoilt because her parents are fulfilling their emotional needs by indulging her. I don't see why you should put up with it in your own home though. Just have her stay for one night at a time and talk to her about your expectations. I think children (including the autistic ones) respond to "It's the rule in this house."

How I sympathise ! You are not alone. If the parents are not receptive to any advice perhaps hearing from you that you love them all unconditionally but you won’t be asking them to stay again or babysit if you do. Perhaps that might make them sit up. It’s so frustrating to watch and suffer.

I feel really sorry for you and your GD, that you're unable to enjoy the time you spend together because she's been over indulged and spoiled by her parents.

I agree with those who have suggested not having her to stay for a while. If you're asked that would be the opportunity for you to explain why you can't manage her behaviour.

Your D needs to accept that what will be tolerated at home wont necessarily be tolerated else where and for her D's sake she needs to take responsibility and teach her how to behave.

For what it's worth I can remember staying at my aunt's house and deliberately kicking my older cousin under the breakfast table.
He complained to his mum who sympathised with him, but said nothing to me.
I can distinctly remember sitting there kicking away thinking, "Why doesn't she tell me off?"
Needless to say I was never invited back ?

If it is any consulation our DGD was a total nightmare from about 6mo this until towards the end of last year of primary school. Her Mum made allowances for her as she had 2 (well-behaved,) brothers but she was areal little madam.
Then all of a sudden she changed into a reasonable human being & is now good company. Still a bit needy but we get on fine now.
I really find girls more hard work than boys!! Luckily I have 4 DGS & only 2 DGD.

I think she does love the child or she wouldn't be tearing herself apart and posting on here for support.
I also think the child is quite old enough to stay the week and have the elementary manners to NOT demand her own way on someone else's home. If she's never been taught to be polite and kind to others she will grow up to be a sad lonely woman - the poor kid needs to know how to give as well as take.
Sadly I don't think Grannie can help at all - just don't ask her to stay again, even overnight.
As a matter of interest does she say 'thank you for having me' without having to be prompted (or does her Mother not prompt her to say thank you?)?

Yep my granddaughter is gorgeous and I love her to bits but everyone has always gone out of their way to make sure she doesn’t get upset as she had terrible tantrums. No problem with us as like Bradford Lass I emulated her tantrums or just left her safely in a room to get on with it.

As a young teenage she is however having problems as she finds out that teachers, friends and the rest of the world aren’t too worried about upsetting her!

They do need to live in the real world and get on with others that disagree with them. Very difficult if they are brought up to think that they are always right.

My GD is eight too. Since she was little she has stayed overnight with us. A year ago her parents split up and she no longer wants to stay. She says she misses her mummy too much, and also I think shes a bit scared of sleeping in a strange bedroom. We've had a situation where she wanted to go home late at night. My husband said he'd had a drink so he would call her a taxi. Naturally he was joking but she decided she'd be safer staying put! Children have a lot to contend with, so I think the OP should forget about overnight stays. I have to say, she doesn't sound like she loves the child.

My parents had a similar problem with one of their grandchildren .

My dear dad sat the child down the second time that they visited and were staying with them and quietly told them that when they were at home with their parents, they acted one way but in his house they would be expected to behave in a different way and then proceeded to explain what was expected.
There were a few tantrums and demands to go home but as the parents were away from home by some hours, my dad explained that it wasn't possible and explained why and then went for distraction by taking them out for a drive , ending in a fish and chip picnic ! (Actually fish and chips, unwrapped and eaten while sitting in the car in the car park of a local country park!)
It took a lot of tantrums and demands but my parents stuck to their guns and to this day, that child is now an adult and remembers the visits and especially the chips "pic a nic" as a really special time in her life - something that was not shared with the other grandchildren!
Mum used to let them help her with the baking, another activity that was much cherished.