I have a grandchild i love but really dont like

A week is a long time for a child to be with someone who doesn't really like her. I don't blame her for wanting to go home after a day!

Why did you invite her for a whole week?

Oh dear - a bit of a conundrum. I do not think there is much you can do without being seen to be interfering.

Let the dust settle and then try again.

I would just not invite her (your grandchild) again until she can be relied on to behave. again.

You say my daughter was angry that i was trying to tell her about how to discipline her child. If you were doing exactly that, I am not surprised your daughter got angry, I would in those circumstances because I would be on the defensive.

I think you just need to make clear to your daughter how disappointed you were by the visit being truncated and that you would not want to risk a visit until you knew that if your GD came again she would stay and would be co-operative. Remind her of the saying: Grandma's house, Grandma's rules and that one is she does what Grandma asks when she is asked without a fuss.

Here's the clue:
Her parents dote on her and everyone is forced to comply with her every request

No, they are not forced - they choose to and have created an entitled little tyrant by their weakness.

This poor little girl has had 8 years of being a despot and getting all her own way - frankly I don't think this is going to change without her parents consent and I doubt you'll get it.

If I were her Grandmama, I would have her to stay over only one night.
I would tell her I enjoyed her company and show it by wanting to be with her and doing things together (which you probably do already).

I might try similar histrionics if she didn't do as she was asked to some reasonable request; screaming and yelling in the same way she does - but then I like a bit of drama to make a point.
The moment I saw the shocked look on her face, I'd stop and say, casually, 'doesn't look too good, does it?' and leave it at that.

In the end, theonlynamenottaken, she is what she's been made and you either accept it, or distance yourself.

Poor little girl, they are making life in the future hard for their child.

Sounds like a very spoilt brat , her parents could have big problems in the future ,i cant believe in this day and age so many parents are so weak around their children, well done to you not giving in to the brat ,

The parents have created a little madam, by the sounds of it, I do think a week is a long time to be away though from her parents, but to tell you to to mind you own business when you asking her why she wanted to go home, I totally agree with jacksmum I don’t understand either why so many parents tiptoe around their children, children need to have boundaries lots of love. Patience. Time. And attention, I actually feel sorry for her, as you say she has few friends and most get tired of her bossy overbearing ways.

I agree with Luckygirl let the dust settle and try again. You need to talk to your daughter and granddaughter about your expectations and theirs. A week is probably too long to start with
theonlynamenottaken why not try a weekend first. An intelligent eight year old should be able to understand things are different with her grandparents. Good luck.

Spoilt behaviour or Autism? I have a friend with an Asperger child aged ten (DGD) who frequently behaves that way, and our own DGS with autism would regularly do so too.
Just a thought.

Perhaps the long stay was because of the long distance? 4 hours away so an 8 hour round trip for mum and dad.

She’s the product of all their adoration. She sounds precocious. But she’s only a child needing firm boundaries. She’s pushing to see how far she can go and meeting no resistance which deep down will frighten her. She doesn’t want that much power but she’s got it. Poor girl.

BradfordLass, I did that with our DGS when he was five and had a tantrum. I do a very good tantrum. He hasn’t had one since when I’ve been around!

As Urmstongran says, when children have no boundaries it scares them.

They need to know you are in charge, that you can protect them and keep them safe and if they, a kid, can wind you round their finger and get all their own way, there who is there to rely on for strength and protection?

Children who grow up without any discipline are often very unhappy as adults. They have not been taught how to mix with others and find making friends very hard. I would obviously not bother about asking her to stay over. Maybe when she is older but at the moment you are just another battle to be won. The smiling and waving as she left was a victory wave!

Is she used to staying away from home? Maybe she was homesick. I remember having to stay with cousins when my mother was in hospital, when I was small. I think I had to be taken home once as I was so unhappy, but that was just across the village.
On the other hand it is true that over indulged children can be a nightmare. I remember, when I worked in a primary school, the new infants took a while to learn how to line up for anything. " My mummy says I'm special so I have to be at the front!". They were told, "You may be special at home, but at school you are the same as everyone else."
A friend has just stopped volunteering at a Nation Trust house because of the rudeness and bad behaviour of the 'middle class ten year old boys, who think they can do as they like and are never corrected by their parents.'

She sounds like a spoilt brat god help her parents when she becomes a teenager.
Then again they will reap what they have sown.
Personally I wouldn`t have her stay until she learns how to behave grandchild or not.

Lots of sympathy, OP. Of course you’re not going to enjoy having such a child with you, even when you love her.
Though what you can do, I don’t know.

The really sad thing is that a child who’s been thoroughly spoiled and allowed to have their own way all the time, will be increasingly unpopular with everybody - except the doting parents.

The parents are absolutely not doing the child any favours at all, but I’m afraid parents like this hardly ever listen - they just don’t want to hear.
I dare say they will later wonder why their teenage daughter is a nightmare.

There was a schoolfriend of a dd who was the centre of her mother’s universe - not so much the father, but he was always overruled when it came to this child.

I once took dds away early from a party at her house, because we’d all simply had enough of her spoilt, entitled behaviour. Amazingly, one of the parents did phone to apologise afterwards! So it wasn’t that they weren’t aware - they simply never did anything to check it at the time.
She wasn’t very little, either - not long past primary school age.

My niece was very much like this through primary school. Her mum in particular tip toed round it to keep the peace.

There was a certain irony to it as her parents were very headstrong too before she came along.

She's mellowed a lot not and is learning that the world isn't just how she sees it. She has some fallings out with friends and has learnt that diplomacy is more likely to win her friends.

So my point is don't be too alarmed, I'm sure with time her behaviour will improve.

I dread to think what she will be like when the teenage hormones set in.

Her parents will realize then the error of their ways.

My parents had a similar problem with one of their grandchildren .

My dear dad sat the child down the second time that they visited and were staying with them and quietly told them that when they were at home with their parents, they acted one way but in his house they would be expected to behave in a different way and then proceeded to explain what was expected.
There were a few tantrums and demands to go home but as the parents were away from home by some hours, my dad explained that it wasn't possible and explained why and then went for distraction by taking them out for a drive , ending in a fish and chip picnic ! (Actually fish and chips, unwrapped and eaten while sitting in the car in the car park of a local country park!)
It took a lot of tantrums and demands but my parents stuck to their guns and to this day, that child is now an adult and remembers the visits and especially the chips "pic a nic" as a really special time in her life - something that was not shared with the other grandchildren!
Mum used to let them help her with the baking, another activity that was much cherished.

My GD is eight too. Since she was little she has stayed overnight with us. A year ago her parents split up and she no longer wants to stay. She says she misses her mummy too much, and also I think shes a bit scared of sleeping in a strange bedroom. We've had a situation where she wanted to go home late at night. My husband said he'd had a drink so he would call her a taxi. Naturally he was joking but she decided she'd be safer staying put! Children have a lot to contend with, so I think the OP should forget about overnight stays. I have to say, she doesn't sound like she loves the child.

Yep my granddaughter is gorgeous and I love her to bits but everyone has always gone out of their way to make sure she doesn’t get upset as she had terrible tantrums. No problem with us as like Bradford Lass I emulated her tantrums or just left her safely in a room to get on with it.

As a young teenage she is however having problems as she finds out that teachers, friends and the rest of the world aren’t too worried about upsetting her!

They do need to live in the real world and get on with others that disagree with them. Very difficult if they are brought up to think that they are always right.

I think she does love the child or she wouldn't be tearing herself apart and posting on here for support.
I also think the child is quite old enough to stay the week and have the elementary manners to NOT demand her own way on someone else's home. If she's never been taught to be polite and kind to others she will grow up to be a sad lonely woman - the poor kid needs to know how to give as well as take.
Sadly I don't think Grannie can help at all - just don't ask her to stay again, even overnight.
As a matter of interest does she say 'thank you for having me' without having to be prompted (or does her Mother not prompt her to say thank you?)?

If it is any consulation our DGD was a total nightmare from about 6mo this until towards the end of last year of primary school. Her Mum made allowances for her as she had 2 (well-behaved,) brothers but she was areal little madam.
Then all of a sudden she changed into a reasonable human being & is now good company. Still a bit needy but we get on fine now.
I really find girls more hard work than boys!! Luckily I have 4 DGS & only 2 DGD.

For what it's worth I can remember staying at my aunt's house and deliberately kicking my older cousin under the breakfast table.
He complained to his mum who sympathised with him, but said nothing to me.
I can distinctly remember sitting there kicking away thinking, "Why doesn't she tell me off?"
Needless to say I was never invited back ?