Husband addicted to porn

Aggie and esspee are spot on with their firs post.
Men like that give me the creeps.

So sorry to read of your problems AliceAnne particularly as I am experiencing exactly the same problems except for the fact that we own our house jointly! I have 2 daughters and grandchildren who live miles away and I love them dearly but over the years he has constantly undermined me and I am terrified that if I leave him they will take his side and I will see them even less than I do now. I am not very clever with computers and wouldn’t know how to control the internet access but wish I could. Any advice please?

I do not think that tinkering with the computer system is the way to go.

The man is ill - there are ways of alleviating this, as I have explained upthread. Please do not reject these - it really is the only way forward. This is so common in PD and needs to be (and can be) dealt with.

I think you need some professional advice. Perhaps try and cut of his access to these sites.

Parkinson's and Dementia often cause men to behave inappropriately in various ways, including sexual comments and behaviours.

Could you mention it to his Dr?

I’m concerned that if you cut off access to these sites, he may become more aggressive towards you. You really need to speak to your GP first, then work quietly in the background, protecting your finances etc.

Put on one of the anti-porn systems like "Net Nanny" and block his access to these kind of sites!

Oh, I see the title says "Husband". My mistake.

I don't think the original poster said they were married.
I think this has to make things easier as presumably as a "carer" she can tell social care she's not prepared to do it now the relationship has broken down.

I haven't had to liaise with Adult Social Care for some time and I do realise they are massively overstretched but there has to be a way to stop.

Given that he is telling people his age and personal details, while you are dealing with the medical side, you need to be sure that he can't be giving any financial information, particularly any that relates to your finances.
If he knows any of your passwords, I would change them asap. It is a very difficult thing to have to deal with but hopefully with a combination of medical help and internet intervention you can at least make it safe and bearable.

Most 6 year olds are quite capable of turning off parental controls, that's why you password protect them. That's also why good Internet security is so important too. I get my Internet security from BT and the parental control works very well x

Does he realise that you know he is doing this?
He has created an exciting life for himself online, that’s all it is, as his real life ( for him) is lacking.Nobody’s fault, but you should talk to him about it, say it upsets you and you wish it to stop rightaway or you will possibly have to leave.
This may shock him enough to put a stop to it.

I reckon I would struggle to use a camcorder and er....do other stuff.

@Grandad1943* what a revealing message. Thanks.
My late FiL gave us similar worries at that age, but not so extreme.
We thought he was missing his lost manhood. Otherwise he was a kind and generous man.
He passed away at 74.

If he is well enough to use a camcorder and upload videos then he is perfectly capable of re- enabling any Parental Controls that are put on to prevent him accessing Porn Sites.
Whilst you are getting medical advice, disconnect his computer, camcorder and the router , put it in your car and take it to work each day, then he won’t have access to it.

While the comments are all very sensible, this jumped out at me;
"He has had phases of doing this over the years, making contact with ex-girlfriends and carrying on. I remember suggesting that he might be happier living with one of them and I could get on with my life but he wouldn't budge."
So, if this has been occurring in the past, is it really a side issue of Parkinson's, or sadly an issue of the man?

Some drugs used for treating dementure do increase sex drive so medication might need changing, have a word with his doctor, best of luck with parental controls, they’re definitely not secure.

If you don't know how to do it, get a young person you can trust to set up parental controls on his devices so he can't access explicit content. I wouldn't say that about a person in control of all their faculties but given you are a carer and he is vulnerable I think it would be wise x

Blue Belle, quite post and impressive coordination for an old person who isn't well.

Luckygirl is best placed to advise you AliceAnne talk to the medical staff who are treating your husband as she says. I know from my nursing experience that this sort of thing happens as a side effect of medication or from the illness itself.
Talk to your family, you need their support in dealing with this.

Its amazing how some peoples personality can change due to dementia. My Dad who is 91 and lives in a care home used to be very 'Respectable' when it came to any sexual matters, although we have recently found out that he had several mistresses during his lifetime. Hes flagged up at the home as needing a Male carer for any personal care proceedures, after inapropiately grabbing the female care staff and making rude requests for them.to strip off and get into bed with him, or into the shower. He would swear and shout at any of them who firmly verbally tried to correct his ways, followed by shouting nasty names like 'Big fat cow' or 'street hore' after them whenever he wanted something. He.now.refuses to come out of his room, but regularly requests family members to find him an attractive lady amoungst the fellow residents and bring her to his room for him, hes even tried to bribe his Grandaughter to bring in Gin and chocotates ready for the entertainment of said lady once she arrives!

I would consider taking your sons into your confidence. I would also discuss his actions with your GP or other medical personnel that you come into contact with. As others have said there is something that can be done to help you. There's no reason for you to go it alone. It does seem that his behaviour has gone for for years. Its all very well for people to advocate throwing him out but he may be entitled to half of any assets which of course includes the house, even though its in your name. Might be a good idea to take some legal advice regarding securing your finances. He may be liable to blackmail as you suggest or he may just give money away. It does sound like a sorry way to spend your final years together, hope you can get some support.

So you’re a new poster AliceAnne that’s quite some post for a first one

Grandad1943 gave a very enlightening insight into the possible reasons for your husband's erratic and distressing behaviour and hopefully you will now consult your GP. As to all those who advocate chucking him out, so much for in sickness and in health eh? Also, just a small point, irrespective of who owns the house, if they are married, he has a claim on the property, just as a wife would in similar circumstances. Cripes, I thought for a minute I had inadvertently signed on to Mumsnet with all the LTB comments. I hope you have found some of the more sympathetic and informative comments helpful

Change your internet password (Why should you miss out) whilst you think what to do next.

Ashera7 - Youtube for all "Dusty/narc" advice.

Boot him out ASAP.

Your new chapter awaits.

AliceAnne I worked in the care sector for 20 years, and cared for many people who had Parkinson's. There are 2 types of dementia associated with Parkinson's - one is Lewy Bodies dementia, the other is Alzheimers. Symptoms do not usually include behaviours such as lack of inhibitions, or an obsession with sex/pornography. You could look at the PARKINSON'S UK website. It might offer some suggestions, although I suspect that your husband's behaviour is nothing more than being a selfish, inconsiderate, dirty old man.
Good luck.