Husband addicted to porn

Good grief. I feel dirty reading this, let alone living with it.do you want to stay with him?

I don’t know what to think about this really. Is it a newly discovered thing, or has it been going on for a while? Do you love him despite this? Maybe it’s time for a parting of the ways, but could you try to talk it through first? Do you want to? It sounds like you could easily have your own life, separate from him. Hope you can move forward with this.

Think I would disable the broadband and Chuck the camcorder in the bin

Why would you stay with this apology for a man?

You say you are his carer - if it were me in your place, I'd turf him out and let him either go into a home or let him arrange paid carers to help him.

I am afraid that men watching porn is very common now - try going on to Mumsnet - it has caused the break-up of many a marriage; and ruined sex lives that could have been happy.

Sadly young people watch this and finish up with very distorted expectations that put young women under pressure.

I have professional experience of the destruction this can cause.

Some illnesses or medications can lead to inappropriate sexual behaviours. If he has a diagnosis or is on medication, it might be worth discussing with GP.

I am sorry that this sad addiction of his is impinging on your life - maybe let someone else be his carer - it must be so hard for you to fulfil this role with a good grace.

You have my sympathy.

As aggie said--bin the camcorder and I'd be binning him too !!.

What is his reason for you being his carer. Sometimes people with dementia have problems with being less inhibited and display unacceptable sexual behaviour,. Maybe a chat with his GP about the issues you are having. He is putting himself at risk, also you, he may need to be safe guarded for his own safety. If it is not the reason then i would seriously think about whether or not to stay with him. Totally unacceptable!!!

Sickening isn't it ? It's his mental health that's at fault---which goes for others who are the same.

I suppose it's his way of boosting his ego, considering that he is partially disabled and needs care.

Regardless of that, how it makes you feel is equally as important..

What do you feel you should do about it?

Thank you for your feedback. I have given him the opportunity to move out but he won't. I can't leave him
because we live in my house which I bought many years ago with inherited money and its in my name.
He has Parkinsons which is very debilitating at times, sometimes not so much and I am aware that medication can cause extreme behaviours.
He has had phases of doing this over the years, making contact with ex-girlfriends and carrying on. I remember suggesting that he might be happier living with one of them and I could get on with my life but he wouldn't budge.

Although it's never been diagnosed I believe he is autistic which might explain a lack of social skills. The only benefit he's has brought into my life is a very good income which I can't deny.
I can't get angry over it because really I don't care but I do have concerns over how this latest business might impact on
my sons and their families if they ever found out.

Anyway, thank you for all your helpful comments and I will seek medical advice.

If the house is in your name and bills etc also in your name you can put him out - give warning of a week then pack his bags and call a cab.
I would seek legal advice rather than medical if this is not a new thing.
What a horrible man!

It isn't the opportunity to move out that he needs - it's a boot up the backside. Tell him he doesn't need you any more now that he has all these other lovely ladies, so he'd better find himself a new home and invite them to come and look after him.

Throw out the camcorder and tell him to go to PC world and buy a new one. While he's gone, change the locks and put his possessions outside in binbags.

Yuk, what a creep

AliceAnne, I am aged 77 and thankfully still fully fit and still engaged in the business my wife and I began in 2003. That stated, the behaviour your husband is exhibiting, I can assure you is not normal for males of our age.

I have a brother aged 79 who is disabled by way of Parkinson's disease and is exhibiting very similar behaviour to that which you describe. In his case, it was found that he has been in extensive contact with women on dating sites. His own wife has been deceased for several years, but his cleaner who also acts as his carer was the person to inform his three sons, and myself of the problem.

We all agreed to contact the local social services and we all now acknowledge they have been wonderfull. They had an NHS medical consultant go to his home and it was diagnosed that he had the early onset of what is known as " Parkinson's dementia".

They have now set up his computer, tablets and phone so that he can no longer be used to make him vulnerable to anyone carrying out abuse of him through those dating sites, and his eldest son now has power of attorney over his estate.

AliceAnne, I believe that your husband may well be exhibiting similar mental decline that my brother was displaying in the autumn of last year. In that case, similar action to that which was taken on my brother's behalf could well benefit both him and yourself as you also need protection in this situation.

Please do not take any notice of the usual members of this forum who always use any "cry for help" in these treads as an excuse to tell persons to break with their partners. This is, I feel, mental illness coming to the fore in your husband, but help is available for what is without a doubt a very distressing time for yourself.

I am on a break in the office at the moment but thinking of you by way of the situation you are in, and hope this helps

Ive seen this sex obsession in my late father and its very unpleasant
I agree its probably a medical issue due to dementia of some kind and you must seek advice from your doctor

What and who did you mean by

‘Please do not take any notice of the usual members of this forum who always use any "cry for help" in these treads as an excuse to tell persons to break with their partners’

Grandad*. Why the nasty little dig? Totally unnecessary pathetic comment. What makes you think you can just say that ? Your advice sounded really helpful but that snide comment was hardly helpful.

I think Grandad1943 has given some great advice. If you can't or won't throw him out then you need to get rid of the camcorder and adjust the computer or phone settings to prevent him doing these things online.
It's your house and you can control internet access.

He earned good money and you liked the lifestyle.
You put up with his degrading behaviour.
You sold your soul over the years it seems.

Sadly I have to apologise for my last remark . That fact that he has Parkinson’s explains a lot of his behaviour , the Doctor needs to review his medication , but it is mostly down to his disease and can be made worse by some medications
Look after yourself and get help from the Doctors and the Parkinson’s Nurse

Urmstongran would that life was so black and white !

Sorry, am I missing something, where does it mention money?

OP, if you are genuine ( I hope so) please seek some help with this problem. Get some support.

That does explain a lot, if he has Parkinson’s. I agree you should get medical advice.

You say you "can't get angry" because you "don't care". That should make it easier for you now. Grandad1943's similar experience with his brother (and his sound advice) is possibly the best way to proceed. Control the internet access, get rid of the camcorder, speak to the GP about a possible new assessment with regard to his meds - and maybe Parkinsons/Dementia. Then, if you aren't happy with what you hear and what the future will hold, contact Adult Social Care for advice about a possible Care Home placement. Things don't always move very fast, but at least you will be doing something about YOUR future in YOUR home and the impact on YOUR family.