Aspergers partner? (Edited by GNHQ)

Juliet27, I have sent you a Pm & best wishes?

Starblaze

Thank you for saying that "Autism is no longer a spectrum but an umbrella. Makes a lot more sense".

I agree. From my own observation it seems to me there are different "kinds" of autism. Aspergers, for example, presents quite differently to Pathological Demand Avoidance. Though they both come under the "umbrella" of Autism.

To me it seems a more helpful way to understand things than simply saying that a person is "on the spectrum". So I am glad it is now being more understood this way.

Is autism a syndrome?

It's a condition

I struggled over the years with other half’s strange behaviour. Then some years ago I was watching a programme on the TV about Aspergers (having never heard of it before) and other half poked his head round the door and said his colleagues at work had commented that he might have it (he disputed this). Suddenly years of strange behaviour and comments crystallised in my head and I understood things I had mis read before. Since then I have perhaps become more tolerant of such things as rages, intolerance, and rigid ways of thinking. It’s not easy though.

No SallyWally1, it isn't easy. I'm pretty sure my husband has high functioning autism. My daughter and all her children have been diagnosed as neurodiverse. Daughter granddaughter and middle grandson have high functioning autism eldest and youngest grandsons have ADHD, and eldest grandson also has tourette syndrome.
We all recognise the traits in my husband. Fortunately I love him dearly, but he can be trying.

Does anyone have any advice on good books about living with adults (husband?) who may have this condition?

I would find it helpful I think.

namsnanny I’ve sent you a pm

So half the thread is taken up arguing about whether to be offended! Typical.Why not just discuss the question about partners?

Wow having just skimmed through this article it has more or less confirmed what i thought about my DH for many years now. He has always had difficulties relating to people and holding down a job and from what his mother told me when he was young he was very different to her other children and caused many issues within the family circle. Years ago he would have been termed as 'naughty' as there was no Aspergers or Autism information freely available like there is now. It explains an awful lot about our marriage and quiet frankly has left me feeling very tearful for what may have been and should have been but sadly never was or will be. Thank you for the link Juliet27

Thank you. I just read the article and feel as if someone has sat and watched my life for the last 10 years. Now what though? It seems likely that he will not see any logic or gain in talking to a specialist. He knows more than them, whoever they are or whatever they know... ?

After a diagnostic assessment I used to spend a lot of time with partners discussing the implications and the necessity of working out adjustments to ways of living with someone with AS especially altering expectations. Eg one individual was never going to be a party animal and it was distressing for him to attend social occasions. So just don't put him through it if he really doesn't want to go. Equally I'd offer the partner with AS strategies for coping in social settings if he absolutely had to.
Lots to discuss and work out. Top tip- look at what they do rather than what they might say.