The letter I wish I had written

Strange as it may seem and it’s hard thing to do..... Forgive him in your own mind or write a letter of forgiveness. After all who is still drinking the poison. He isn’t he is dead. I write these letters in my head all of the time. I use a process called Ho o pono pono it’s Hawaiian forgiveness process very powerful - check it’s out.

I'd like to write to my first employees for the dreadful way they treated me. It was an office job and after 6 months I decided to resign. The boss was furious and phoned my dad to talk some sense to me! He then offered to double my wages. I was thrilled at this turn of events and when his secretary asked about my wage increase I stupidly told her. By the end of the day I was called into a partners meeting and told I was sacked. All because I blabbed to the secretary. I was a teenage girl and very naive. It was so intimidating facing all the partners, some of whom looked ashamed. I left that day, didn't even empty my desk or pick up my belongings from the cloakroom. I now know it was unfair dismissal and I hate them for it.

Bluebelle has given tried and tested advice.

Many years ago, I worked for someone who was really horrible to her team. There was very little we could do about it, except... One day we made a cut-out of 'gingerbread men' type figures, so that it unfolded into a long chain. On each of the (joined up) figures, we wrote her name. We held this long chain, and said loudly and firmly how much we disliked her and how horrible she was. Then we fed it into the shredding machine.

I can't even begin to tell you how good it felt, to see her come out in shreds at the other end (well, you know, not literally in person!). It made us all feel a lot more positive about our situation, and even though she continued to be horrible, we were different people and able to deal better with her.

I'd write it all down as if it was a letter to him and then burn it.

Writing a letter you don't send is very therapeutic. I recommend hand writing it, not using a keyboard. But it's important not to think too much, try to bi-pass the brain, it should come from the heart or the guts.
Time to set yourself free.
Best wishes.

Write the letter. Do it by hand and you can have the satisfaction of watching it burn. It does help. I wrote one to my husband several years after he died. So cleansing, Good Luck.

hollysteers, I had a brute of a father too and my mother is a narc so I can relate to your post.
I had a poor foundation so childhood and early adulthood was hard.

Something that I found really poignant was in the film Rocketman where the adult Elton embraces his young self.

It was a lightbulb moment for me, I suddenly realised I needed to to feel proud of the fact that I had survived such an upbringing and was actually a good person.
I was not to blame it was my parents that should feel the shame.

I didn't write it, but made a point of telling my mother, a couple of years before she died, "I know you know this but I'm need to say how much I love you and am so glad to have had you as a mother" a sentiment I couldn't express to my father, simply because I just didn't feel the same way about him. Maybe I should have written him the letter. Often wonder what it's like to love one's parents equally.

To my paternal granny and grandad to tell them they were the main love and stability in my life, and how much I love and appreciate them still. My granny has been dead for 44 years and I still have lovely memories of her. My grandad 25 years but the same with him too.

My own parents. Meh.

Definitely write the letter..... for many years I worked with survivors of childhood abuse and writing it all down even if you them burn it is very cathartic

I would do what Sussexborn has suggested, I find writing things down very satisfying, I either delete it if it’s on the PC or I shred it if it’s on paper, it might need doing more than once but I’ve found it very helpful.

Write the letter anyway. I had some counselling and it was suggested that I write to my mother which I did. Then I burned it and found it quite cathartic.