No wedding in sight

My son and his partner have been together for 26 years. Have bought homes together and have two sons. Both have good jobs - at least they have at the moment - and have a joint mortgage, joint wills and have no intention of getting married, though the boys think it would make a good party! Both of them are children of divorced parents which may be what makes them wary of marriage, though they are entirely committed to their relationship.

Definitely advise her to get both names on the mortgage. My daughter moved out to live with her partner before they married, he had just bought a house so they could be together but the mortgage was only in his name despite my daughter providing the deposit. She assumed he would get her added to the mortgage and didn't check. When he left them and my daughter had to sell the house after paying the mortage each month since she moved in she discovered to her horror that he hadn't added her to the mortgage and the profit from the house went into his bank account and he refused to share it with her, even though it was my daughter who had paid for the updating of the house, including new windows, central heating etc. Cross the t's and dot the i's is my advice, you can never tell how things will work out

As far as legality it does not matter much if it's a joint mortgage! If one dies it passes to the other. However, consider this. The widowed partner meets someone else who moves in with them at some point. They then die the money passes 'out of the original family'. Which means if children from the previous relationship may not inherit anything!
When deeds are drawn up they are generally drawn up as 'joint tenants', which isn't helpful. Better ask for it to be drawn up as 'tenants in common'
This means you can each own a % of the property. This can be 50/50 or anything else e.g. if one puts in more money than the other. Then each person can 'will' their % to the children, or whomever. Yes wills can be changed but this shows intent and therefore harder to contest.

At the end of the day they are adults, going into buying a joint flat together, I would be advising them to have a will,I lived with my partner for many years, before we got married, I have three AC that aren’t married to their partners and one my youngest is married, all have their own properties, you can still be supportive to your daughter without being judgemental. So many couples that are married are unhappy, just because you believe in marriage not everyone does, this is their relationship I wish them well

I find it quite strange that people will commit to buying property together, but not commit to marriage, completely incomprehensible to me.

A good friend once said to me "if you aren't religious it is meaningless as it's just a state document" polnan. She and her partner had lived together for over 10 years and had a house and family.
As others have said. It's not necessarily about commitment.

Married or not married that's their decision alone but they should be very careful re the legalities of buying a place together whether married or not.

I am 69 and was widowed nine years ago today and now live with a partner. We own a property and have made sure that our wills reflect our wishes in that our children are all equal beneficiaries. It suits us and our families are happy with our relationship and the decisions we have made. Your daughter and her partner must make their own decisions.

if its not going to work it wont whether or not they're married.My lovely daughter married and had 2 children ,her husband was playing away for the whole marriage and she didn't find out until she came home to find someone else in her bed.HE refused to leave so she packed up the kids stuff and we found her a house ,he then refused to pay anything to do with the marital home or support for the children .She ended up bankrupt.
A marriage certifiacte isn't a magic piece of paper

Commitment does not need a piece of paper. They are buying the flat together so both their names will be on the deeds. Why fuss...their lives. Wish them luck.

A marriage certificate may not be a magic piece of paper but it does give you protection in the eyes of the law.

‘Common law’ is a myth. There’s no such thing.
As other posters have said, all finances should be set up as ‘tenants in common’ and conversely as ‘jointly and severally liable’ so neither one ends up inadvertently responsible for 100% of a debt like an overdraft, credit agreement or utility bill.

Three bank accounts can work - one each and a third for bills and household expenses into which is paid the relevant sum on a 50/50 split basis.

There’s no need to ‘should’ all over her. It’s not your beliefs that matter - it’s her and her partner’s. Nagging on about it will alienate you from her life.

You cannot force your beliefs on her - you’ll end up losing her.

It’s a hugely expensive party. It’s not a good enough reason to risk splitting them up and/or losing her and any future grandchildren.

If you have been married and not divorced I can see your argument for 'It is a commitment' Reality, unfortunately, isn't like that. As someone said 'it is just a piece of paper' If the husband/wife want to have affairs the 'piece of paper' doesn't stop that nor does it hold you to them. I know of two couples who have been together for thirty-something years and got married recently not because of commitment but so the taxman doesn't have it.

I do not see it as a 'red flag'

making a will is all very well - but wills can be changed. My mother suffered dreadfully when my father changed his will once they were divorced - she could not believe he would do such a thing - but of course he changed it so his new family got everything. Get a property lawyer to advise. Money well spent.

He seems reluctant and appears to care? I'm pretty sure he loves her. Do you not know them?
How do you be supportive? Don't push.
It's her life, not yours, and you can care as much as you like, but it's up to the two of them.
The should make sure they have their wills done too. Common law is not recognised in UK.

I'm happy for my younger daughter to NOT get married even though she has a child with her boyfriend because, when she inherits half of my estate with her sister, then he will have no claim on anything. There are advantages and disadvantages in getting married.

A quick search in google tells me 42% of the marriages fail and the average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is 12.5 years.

Getting married does not mean happily ever after.

Marriage isn’t the be all and end all, but it ties everything up in a very neat legal package.

If they’re ever thinking of having children together then tell her to pop over to Mumsnet where there are endless stories of unmarried women who have found themselves in precarious financial positions after it goes horribly wrong.

The other thing she should be considering is her wishes in all this. She has every right not to settle for second best (if marriage is important to her).

This is quite a useful article - it spells out what can happen if you’re not married and the steps women (and it usually is the woman) can take to protect themselves www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2019/01/222396/unmarried-couples-rights

Thank you very much everyone for all the advice and suggestions. They are adults- that I should not forget. I will try my best to be as supportive as possible without imposing my ideas of marriage and commitment.

If they buy as tenants in common as opposed to joint tenants, they will each have their own share in the property.

I find it interesting that those who say a piece of paper doesn’t matter also advise having legal papers drawn up regarding property ownership to “protect” your daughter.
I also find it interesting when people claim that the paper can’t define or determine love. I disagree. Marriage is a binding contract of vows stating one’s commitment to a lifetime. There is no substitute to that—not a Will, Deed or otherwise. And while divorce can break that contract, the original marital contract states with absolution one’s complete, full intentions. Without it, the couple inadvertently states we will stay together day by day and see how it goes. They are free to leave at any time. Marriage is love with complete abandon creating family. Living together is a partnership but not family.
Your daughter is already living with her boyfriend so the marriage talk would be a bit late. But there is nothing preventing you from pointing out the legal ramifications of purchasing property so she can protect herself. That could lead to a deeper discussion regarding her future desires (i.e. children) etc.

Even if he does commit it doesn’t mean it will last. Agree wills are essential - as they are for us all - especially if we are not married / in a civil partnership but living in a committed relationship. Legally that counts for nothing when one of the partnership dies

My 1st ( and only husband ) committed to me. He is now on wife No 5 so that gives you a picture of him.
My partner and I have been together for 41 glorious happy years. I never wanted to get married again.

Reading some of these comments I realise how old-fashioned I am!

In my young days, admittedly long ago, you met someone, got engaged [- now there's an old fashioned idea! -and in due course set the wedding date. I'm sure it made life easier. Nowadays young people often have a series of "relationships" and I wonder how many of those living together have ever thought of the legal implications of not being married. The consequences for the woman and any children can be horrific.

I cannot agree that a marriage certificate is unimportant or irrelevant. I am one of the dinosaurs who when asked to name my "partner" on a document crosses out the word and substitutes "husband"!

I’m happy to read your update. Just because it’s important to you doesn’t mean it is to them and to try and impose your beliefs on them will only lead to discord. Think on this one I’d gently say mind your own business.