Hi, please help me as I need some advice.
I’ve been married for 21 years, it has been a bumpy 21 years. My husband withheld affection from me and didn’t want to hold me, kiss me or have sex with me. He at times has been very detached from me and I have felt very lonely in this marriage. I have managed to cope with this as three years ago I made a decision to stay and live together as brother and sister. I have begged my husband to go to counselling on several occasions but he has always refused.
Then he suddenly decided he want to have a physical relationship and said that he did not want to live as we have been, but he wasn’t giving me a choice I had to comply with his choice. I said I couldn’t do that as I said I’ve shut down my physical feelings for him. We then agreed to go to counselling but a few days before he came up to me wide eyed and looking like he’d gone mad, he said that he believed that I was possessed by an evil spirit and that I needed to go through the bible with him. I was very scared and ran away from him.
We still went to counselling and he said that there were two reasons for his behaviour this is because he kept three things against me, first I 17 years ago I had a lump in my breast and went on my own to hospital. Second 20 years ago I shut my finger in a door and wouldn’t let him put his arms around me. Thirdly he said that 19 years ago I told him that my late husband had adored me. Then he said 15 years ago he said that I went to see his mum and called him a wimp she then called a meeting with him, and his dad - they wanted him to divorce him or they would disinherit him, he begged them on his knees not to they agreed if he would take a vow of silence. I was devastated to hear all this but it explained why he had been distant from me. I feel betrayed and as though our marriage was a sham. Our divorce is now with the court but I am missing my husband and am very tempted to agree to try again with our relationship. I feel very confused and upset.
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