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One year relationship going pearshaped

(23 Posts)
Lucyloo12 Mon 04-May-20 11:26:08

I have been with someone for a year. Everything was wonderful etc etc. A year on I am doubting things. He has an ex family which was ok with me, the youngest aged 10. At first he wanted me to be involved but now I am being excluded. He chats endlessly to ex and son and if I ask after them I get told its non of my business. He also does this regarding his friends and is forever on facebook which is also regarded as private. I feel more and more excluded from his life and quite frankly feel used. He stays at mine all the time but doesnt contribute to the household income. Last month in total he gave me 180 pounds to cover his share of shopping etc which just isnt enough. Am I being used or am I needy and selfish, as he calls me

glammanana Mon 04-May-20 11:43:11

I think he has got his feet firmly under the table don't you ? he sounds very controlling to me something which could get worse over time.
Tell him to move back to his own place and see what reaction you get from him,£180pds a month will go no where regarding bills just think how much he is saving not paying the bills at his own place he is taking the "Michael" you deserve better than this.

Lucca Mon 04-May-20 11:45:53

What are you getting out of this relationship? Sounds like not a lot. I’d be inclined to say make a clean break now. Life’s too short etc.

Ilovecheese Mon 04-May-20 11:47:30

He is no longer making you happy and this will not get better.
Cut your losses and tell him to leave.
If you met someone a year ago you can meet someone again.
You certainly do deserve better.

Blinko Mon 04-May-20 11:49:26

If he's behaving like this after only a year, what would he be like in, say, five years? Time to go, I'd say.

Lucyloo12 Mon 04-May-20 12:00:31

I mentioned the money today and now I'm getting a distinct atmosphere. Awkward.

MawB Mon 04-May-20 12:07:00

Tell him to go - it’s your house and unless he has other redeeming features, he does not sound worth the effort.

Glorybee Mon 04-May-20 12:14:13

Be strong, tell him to leave and don’t relent and take him back. As others have said, it can only get worse and it sounds bad enough already.

SirChenjin Mon 04-May-20 12:15:24

Time to show him the door. Mumsnet have a (very fruity) name for men like him - begins with the first four letters of cockerel and ends with lodger. It appears to sum him up nicely.

Davida1968 Mon 04-May-20 12:21:55

Lucyloo12, if it was me, I'd be ending this relationship now. I agree with the other GNs posting here: what are you gaining from being with this man? My advice is to show him the door immediately - and while you can. (Before he gets into your home on a permanent basis....) Wishing you good luck and a much happier future without him.

Lucyloo12 Mon 04-May-20 12:22:53

SirChenjin, that made me laugh, good expression though

Puzzler61 Mon 04-May-20 12:29:43

I’m no relationship counsellor but I’d be getting rid of him quicker than you can say Coronavirus. He wouldn’t do for me.

I love my DH cos he’s generous, kind, respectful, considerate and makes me laugh. I hope he’d say the same of me.

These traits are important to me and I would say are basic ingredients for a successful 2-way partnership.

Good Luck for the future Lucyloo x

Scribbles Mon 04-May-20 12:30:26


rosenoir Mon 04-May-20 12:42:37

I am not saying it is right but if he is only staying with you then I assume he has his own bills and contributes to his child.

If it were me I would end the relationship as I do not see that it is going to get any better than this.

When you love somebody their faults and flaws do not bother you. I do not think you love him.

Luckygirl Mon 04-May-20 12:45:57

If you do not love him and having him there with you does not make you happy, then it is time to ask him to leave.

Are you afraid to ask him to go?

Toadinthehole Mon 04-May-20 12:48:02

You’re not married....get rid, and find someone who does care about you.

GillT57 Mon 04-May-20 12:53:14

Tell him it is over. He is rudely excluding you from his life, is mean and disrespectful, just what are you getting out of this relationship? Tell him to sling his hook, he has only been in your life for a year and you deserve better.

Fiachna50 Mon 04-May-20 12:56:31

Im with the other posters. What is this person contributing to the relationship? Is this what you want for the rest of your life? If not, you know what to do.

BBbevan Mon 04-May-20 16:34:14

Tell him out now * Luckyloo* No feeling sorry for him etc.

SalsaQueen Mon 04-May-20 16:43:09

What benefits do you get from being in this relationship? None, by the sounds of it. He doesn't want you to be involved with his children or friends, gives you minimal financial help. Tell him to go, and get your home and life back. Then, when you're ready, find someone more worthy of your affections.

Starblaze Mon 04-May-20 16:43:13

I think your instincts are right, you deserve better.

Sounds like he was looking for a mum not a partner

Davidhs Mon 04-May-20 19:08:16

I think you are being used, moreover him saying it’s none of your business when he speaks to his family is particularly nasty, he should at least discuss it in general terms.

I’m in the opposite situation, my new partner moved in at my place, she gets an allowance as well as working 3 days. I value her companionship so some might say she has a good deal and she’s happy

You don’t sound happy with your partner, if he were to find his own place it would probably cost him £500 a month in rent alone, perhaps you should have a chat about that.

Oopsadaisy3 Mon 04-May-20 21:21:54

As my DD would say WAW,

get shot of him and make sure you get any keys back as you slam the door as his backside leaves.