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60 soon - and feeling like I've had enough

(36 Posts)
VerySky Mon 08-Jun-20 21:19:23

I was going to post this on MN but didn't want to depress all the young mums!

Had lots of time to reflect during Lockdown. One thing I'm realising is how very difficult my life has been. Almost everything has been SO tough and challenging - family, health issues, finances, work, men - you name it.

Ultimately, I have the sense that everything in my life is a failure, despite my best hopes and efforts over a 40 year period.

I'm also feeling completely "done" with people and would cross the road to avoid them if I could (which is sad to feel that way).

So, at the moment I seem to be living with a sense of dread, some lengthy bouts of sadness and emotional pain which are often quite physically uncomfortable.

Never felt like this before. Not sure what to do. Is it depression? Not really had depression before. Should I take pills? Tough it out? Wait and see what happens, see if there is any 'natural healing' that might happen if I just rest? I've done an online test re. depression, its a bit inconclusive I think.

Anyone experienced or come through something like this?

Thanks for listening.

25Avalon Mon 08-Jun-20 21:22:02

I think this is common to most of us. Being shut up as we have been and for some still are is not good for mental health.

V3ra Mon 08-Jun-20 22:10:39

VerySky I suspect that approaching 60 has started you looking at where you feel your life is at.
You do sound like there are several aspects of it you're not happy with.
Whether that's clinical depression or not I don't know, your GP could advise on that.

One thing I would suggest you might find beneficial is counselling.
Two of my family members have had some very difficult phases in their lives and both have found counselling very helpful.
You can self-refer for a course of sessions, your GP surgery will know the local number if it's not available online.

Best wishes xx

agnurse Mon 08-Jun-20 23:17:08

You may like to take a look at the Geriatric Depression Scale. I'd recommend you do the 15-item one; it's all yes/no questions. If you're finding you answer "yes" to many of the questions, I'd strongly recommend bringing your results to your provider and asking if they'd recommend you consider treatment for depression.

ladymuck Tue 09-Jun-20 06:44:09

The current situation means that we all have more time on our hands. Time to dwell on things and think about the past. I'm sorry your life has been a struggle up to now, but perhaps now is the time to make the future better for yourself. Think about how you want your life to be different, and what changes you can make.
Do what you want, don't do things to please other people.

silverlining48 Tue 09-Jun-20 08:26:09

Sorry you are feeling this way, it sounds like you are depressed so please get medical advice as soon as you can. Times are difficult for us all so you are not alone, I wish you well.

sodapop Tue 09-Jun-20 08:35:34

I'm sorry you are feeling so low at the moment Verysky I agree entirely with V3ra talk to a professional and your Dr about how you feel. Any symptoms of depression are exacerbated by the situation we are in now. You are not alone in feeling like this.
Dr Google is not the best place to look for answers, do talk to your friends and family about your feelings. Best wishes.

Granny23 Tue 09-Jun-20 08:48:11

Sounds like depression to me too. Contact your GP for starters and don't be afraid to take anti-depressants - they are literally life savers.

As to approaching 60.....I was not a WASPI woman, so able to retire at 60 still fit and well. I had the best 10 years of my life, with pension income, no need to work in a stressful job and free to do as I pleased - including travel, couple of University courses, and best of all to be a hands on Granny to my 3 Grandchildren. All made possible by taking antidepressants. Now it is downhill all the way but I so grateful for those glorious years, would not have missed them for the world.

Puzzler61 Tue 09-Jun-20 09:35:07

Hi VerySky, so sorry to hear you are in a dark place at the moment. You are viewing everything about your life with negativity, which can be greatly improved by some counselling.
I think take a 2 pronged attack at this now. Speak to your doctor and see if he/she advises medication for depression - and if so, I urge you to take it. It really can help.
Also get yourself enrolled for some counselling (to reverse the negative thinking). In a short time you will realise you see your world differently. The sun will shine again.
Come back and let us know how you’re getting on.
Good Luck xx

BlueBelle Tue 09-Jun-20 09:36:23

I don’t agree that every low point in life is depression and needs to go to the doctor for pills, no not at all we all have huge ups and downs I was in my prime at 60 but 70 came a bit more of a shock, but now half way through them I m ok and found some niches that give me some fulfilment but it’s about embracing every part of your life Mine has gone totally opposite of anything I wanted or expected I look back and can see lots of mistakes lots of arid areas, sadness and disappointments and lots I would change I also remember happy times, and achievements (Perhaps not so many)

It might be a turning point in your life and you need to find a way to work on yourself, work on the positives they are there, you re just not seeing them at the moment It might be a whole lot better when we are out of this very unusual and difficult lonely time

The NHS has some brilliant booklets for stress panic and general low times This is the number 03001231503 or www.wellbeingnands.co.uk They also do fb and Twitter
I hope that helps

Alexa Tue 09-Jun-20 09:45:54

Very Sky, if you are not accustomed to introspecting this can come as a shock. Please don't take gloomy thoughts too seriously, and please don't excessively indulge gloomy thoughts ..

What has actually happened is you have learned a lot as have most of us during this extraordinary period. It's called 'a steep learning curve'. This takes time to process.

There is nothing wrong or "sad" about not wanting to socialise. This might be what the new Very Sky prefers to do, and good on you! You are all right!.

It may be a temporary phase and it may be permanent. In either case it's nothing to worry about.

Alexa Tue 09-Jun-20 09:50:47

Very Sky, I have felt like this and still do in the wee small hours especially. Anyone with any sensitivity feels like this from time to time. There is nothing wrong with you, unless you start obsessing, or unless your sadness makes you want to harm yourself. In those cases you need to seek help.

Kate1949 Tue 09-Jun-20 10:04:37

VertSky I'm sorry you feel like this. There is some good advice here. If it's any consolation, I feel pretty much the same. My life has also been very difficult. I am 70 now and have no idea how I got through all the stuff I've been through. Best wishes to you.

welbeck Tue 09-Jun-20 16:23:52

Granny23,
i'm glad you were able to enjoy your 60s, but a large part of it being possible must have been having enough money to do so, not only the effects of anti-depressants.

EllanVannin Tue 09-Jun-20 16:43:21

The realisation of my eldest D being 60 in January hasn't sunk in yet, so how do you think I feel ? grin grin
She's looking marvellous---I'm sure she's got " Lulu's " genes from somewhere. Then again, she's in Australia and they don't age there smile Lovely weather, walks and the beach on the doorstep, it makes a difference plus a good life too.

I think her job of childminding keeps her young too as she's got a couple of tiny babies at present. I'd be at my wits end smile

60 isn't old. I was semi-retired and scooting around the world. Coming up to 80, I couldn't do it now, so try and make the most of your life for the next 20 years because it doesn't last forever. Ups and downs are a part of life so hang on in there and stick with it.

These particular times don't help one bit.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Tue 09-Jun-20 16:54:58

I'm sure you're not a failure very sky you know how to use a computer or mobile phone or whatever you used to post your message.

Most of us will never set the world alight but we can have small victories in our ordinary everyday lives. Reaching 60 is a milestone and reaching it during these peculiar times has no doubt put it into sharper focus.

Look for small blessings, I'm sure you have a few, your health perhaps, not being in pain, etc. You won't feel this low for ever. Take small steps each day. flowers

GagaJo Tue 09-Jun-20 17:10:08

VerySky, I know how you feel. I feel the same way. My life is OK but I don't want another 20 years of it. It has been and is one long slog. Nothing has ever been easy. I have had to fight tooth and nail to get where I am now, which is OK, but no pension until 67 and I can't work that long.

Not suicidal but not wanting much more either.

Granny23 Tue 09-Jun-20 17:43:27

welbeck but a large part of it being possible must have been having enough money to do so - on the contrary, I only had my OAP and a minuscule private pension (£180 a month) as having worked in the Third Sector I had no works pension and was used to a small salary and living frugally. All our travel was done on a shoe string, via last minute and out of season bookings, not possible when you are having to book time off months in advance.

ValerieF Tue 09-Jun-20 23:09:27

Sad post to read. Very Sky I don't think there are many people who don't have moments of either regrets or what ifs? Doubt you are alone.

You are half way to recovery by admitting how you feel, even just on here.

Obviously we are speaking blind as no idea what you have had to endure.

People deal with things differently, half full, half empty?

I disagree that you need money or other people to make you happy. Happiness comes from within. A cliche but it is true. Some people will walk in the country and fail to appreciate the flowers, trees, bees, butterflies. Some people will walk in cities and fail to see beauty in buildings etc. Those who do, rarely feel sad or depressed. They take it all in. Books are another source of enjoyment but some people don't appreciate it. Constant learning about everything and anything brings so much more into your life.

Animals too, bring another purpose and joy. Looking after another living creature is amazing therapy. Walking dogs brings lots of positivity and the opportunity to speak to other dog walkers. Cats are fabulous comforters too as are other small animals as they are dependent on you.

The only thing is, all this can only come from you. So you either sit back and think your life is over or you determine to change your life. Sadly nobody can do this for you, not even therapists. Over to you.

ladymuck Wed 10-Jun-20 07:11:56

Bluebell is right, pills are not the answer to all problems. You just need to have a change of thinking. Whatever has happened in the past, put it behind you and make positive plans for the future.

loopyloo Wed 10-Jun-20 10:34:52

Its not easy when you feel like this. Writing down how you feel helps a bit and making very small steps. It sounds as though you have had a lot of challenges but fought your way through. Definitely not a failure.
But I do think you should get an appointment with your GP.
Wishing you all the best.

nananet01 Wed 10-Jun-20 11:29:20

Verysky you are not alone. Lockdown has brought everything to the surface because there is little other to do and too much time to think.
By 60 we have all experienced the issues you mention, we've all known love and loss, all been broken and lost a bit of ourselves.
Can't change that. Can't go back. Hopefully learn from those experiences but it doesn't mask the pain, guilt, regret.
I find losing myself in the garden, plants, flowers, nature, wildlife lifts me.
I think also we realise that mistakes made in you're 30s, 40s, 50s - more often than not we've time to attempt to put them right. Now, in the autumn of our lives, when we get it wrong we may not be given the years it takes to do that.
I suppose what I'm saying is you're far from alone with your thoughts, at any time but especially during these days of lockdown.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jun-20 12:13:39

My D here in her 58th year is having to go down the" fostering "route because of difficulties with my GD.( her D )
At the moment my D's looking after 3 children and there is a possibility there could be a 4th to look after.

Owing to circumstances, her single life is ended with no more hopping on a flight to see her friend in New York which at first made her feel a bit down, but these children are her GC and she'd always put them first no matter what.

Her own life was never a bed of roses but she coped and got through it all and was enjoying life----then this bombshell.
She'll now have children, I suspect, well into her 60's but as long as I'm around I can help/support where and when necessary.

I wasn't altogether happy about the " fostering " aspect as to me it spelt controlling and they're her GC not foster children but seemingly this is where the law has you by the scruff of the neck and you have to abide by the rules. Emotional blackmail I'd call it.

We as a family haven't got time to think about getting old etc. As usual, we're thrown into everything at the deep end.

VerySky Wed 10-Jun-20 13:50:03

I didn't give a full picture of past and current difficult stuff I've experienced in my post, its just not possible. So it is a bit unrealistic of me to expect people to magically "understand" my situation. But thank you all for your words of support and advice flowers.

I think being sensitive (Alexa mentions this) probably doesn't help in difficult lives. Though there is an upside to sensitivity, when you are able to appreciate the good things in life.

I'm quite introspective and have had therapy and counselling in the past, but am reluctant to go down that route again, for various reason. Pills ... reluctant there too ... but will see how it goes and will see my GP if necessary.

For the moment I will just see how things go is all I feel I can realistically do and hope things improve ...

Thanks again.

Alexa Wed 10-Jun-20 16:11:44

VerySky I appreciate your referencing me. I cannot imagine how someone devoid of sensitivity could learn anything at all. Feeling sad and knowing and accepting I feel sad is good for me.