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Racist friends

(229 Posts)
GagaJo Tue 09-Jun-20 12:15:03

I'm struggling with this.

I have a multi ethnic family. My friends ALL know my family. Consequently, I have perhaps naively assumed my friends were all non-racist.

The current Black Lives Matter protests have shown me my ignorance. I've had a lot on and hadn't posted anything in my social media about BLM. 2 or 3 friends have clearly taken this to mean I must be anti BLM and have either posted stuff online and tagged me in it or sent stuff to me via email/private messages.

I don't really know what to do. Some of these people I have known for over 20 years and have been very close to.

I've messaged them and expressed my shock but don't know what to do now. Do I wipe out people I used to regard as close friends? In the past, I've entered into dialogue about racism/politics and am happy to debate. BUT out and out racism is never acceptable.

Help?

MawB Wed 10-Jun-20 23:33:20

Well isn’t that one of the (many) shortcomings of social media?
Just because one has not posted AGAINST should not be taken as a sign that one is FOR something, and vice versa.
TBH I am getting rather tired of the assumption that everybody has to have their tuppenceworth whenever an issue hits the headlines.
You can have an opinion, but you don’t necessarily have to feel obliged to publish it do you? That’s not to say discussion is unnecessary but FB and the like seem to encompass a fair bit of virtue signalling, not to mention sound bites, second hand opinions, reporting what others say, posturing, fake news and the inevitable memes - how did communication sink so low?

Callistemon Wed 10-Jun-20 23:30:17

I do believe in giving people a second chance.
They may be quite shocked at being made to take a long hard look at themselves.

TiggyW Wed 10-Jun-20 23:26:26

I would:
a) cut off contact with these so-called friends,
b) stop using social media and
c) don't even contemplate ever visiting the USA.

Callistemon Wed 10-Jun-20 23:17:07

You've told them what to you think and, if it were me, I would now wait to see what they say.

It's sad to say this but some people are casually racist and do not think things through or have not re-thought their attitudes over the years. They may well not think of themselves as racist because they like "that nice black doctor and his/her family who live next door" but then will pass on racist jokes etc that appear on social media.

Telling them how upset and angry you are about it may make them take a long hard look at their own attitudes and they could message you back saying 'you know what, you're right, I'm sorry and I am going to rethink this'.

If they don't then the decision is made, I think.

MissAdventure Wed 10-Jun-20 22:52:51

Ain't that the truth!

GagaJo Wed 10-Jun-20 22:51:08

Why is it a daft assumption? A white, middle class college boy is caught IN THE ACT of rape, by two witnesses and serves only three months in jail.

A black man uses a fake 20 dollar note and is murdered by a policeman.

Not a system that inspires faith that convictions of black men are always A) genuine and B) fair

JenniferEccles Wed 10-Jun-20 22:29:46

I thought exactly the same as you tickingbird

Do people actually believe these daft assertions they come out with?

Bluecat Wed 10-Jun-20 21:49:53

I wouldn't have tried to intervene with the US police, particularly if I was the young black man in the video who constantly pointed out that Floyd wasn't moving. There would probably have been more than one death if anyone had tried.

As far as the other policemen were concerned, they might have been rookies but I wouldn't have thought that it takes a lot of experience to know it's a bad idea to kneel on someone's neck for 9 minutes - a period when he was already restrained, complained he could not breathe and then became inert. Doesn't take a genius to know it's not going to end well.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jun-20 21:32:57

Going by the 2011 census the figures show that black people are more likely to die in police custody.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jun-20 21:29:46

Apologies, not 163 blacks, but 140 whites 13 blacks and 10 from other minority groups.

It's still 163 too many !!

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jun-20 21:26:51

Too many have died in this country involving restraint under police arrest. Alas, it's not always reported.
163 black people have died in police custody in 10 years !

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jun-20 21:19:42

The use of restraint isn't allowed in the force in case the assailant has mental health problems.

MissAdventure Wed 10-Jun-20 21:12:35

I think the phrase makes people defensive..

MissTree Wed 10-Jun-20 21:10:55

Gagajo

“From my perspective, those that spout 'All Lives Matter' are the same as those who continually insist feminists are man haters. People determined to deliberately miss the point because they don't want to give up their position of privilege. .”

Not everyone does this deliberately. It’s a mistake I made at first because no one explained. They just got angry. It didn’t help me to ‘get it’. It seems obvious to me that all lives matter so I didn’t pick up the meaning behind the slogan. If only people would calm down and explain gently.

GagaJo Wed 10-Jun-20 20:56:32

Lizbethann55, no I'm white British. But I do have African American family and lived in the US for a bit.

From my perspective, those that spout 'All Lives Matter' are the same as those who continually insist feminists are man haters. People determined to deliberately miss the point because they don't want to give up their position of privilege. .

tickingbird Wed 10-Jun-20 20:55:42

summerlove What claptrap. Their fathers are all in jail on trumped up charges??? Really? Do you actually believe that? That is the most inane comment I’ve ever read on here and just shows how little you know and understand.

Oopsminty Wed 10-Jun-20 20:38:30

Just a thought... Would these arguments be going on if the person who filmed George Floyd dying had stepped in and saved his life

She was a 17 year old girl.

Knowing how the police behave I think I'd have been reluctant as well

When another bystander moved towards the car Chauvin drew out his mace in a threatening manner. I thought it was a gun initially.

No blame can be laid at the feet of those who witnessed this deplorable crime.

oldgimmer1 Wed 10-Jun-20 20:37:19

theoddbird I was thinking the same thing myself.

Some people did try to intervene, I think, but they were stopped by the police. Strangely, they did not seem to be discouraged from filming.

Honestly, had it been me looking on, I would have tried to do something to help.

Summerlove Wed 10-Jun-20 20:31:12

Being “anti-racist” isn’t hosting up a virtue flag. It’s being a decent human

Why do you think so many black children don’t grow up with their fathers? Because a large majority of them are in jail on trumped up charges because of the colour of their skin! It shouldn’t be that hard of a leap.

I can’t find which pastor stated that they are shocked by how racist their country is, but it’s been talked about for the last few years. However, anyone who does is shouted down as being a leftist and trying to start trouble.

MissAdventure Wed 10-Jun-20 19:35:18

I've no doubt that if they had, they may well have got the same outcome as Floyd.

Theoddbird Wed 10-Jun-20 19:29:49

Just a thought... Would these arguments be going on if the person who filmed George Floyd dying had stepped in and saved his life?

suttonJ Wed 10-Jun-20 18:57:50

5year old grand daughter said 'Do you know grandma, some people think that black people are no good. That's ridiculous'

Out of the mouths....

Yes, failure to call out racism simply condones it

mcem Wed 10-Jun-20 18:27:17

Avoiding calling out racism simply condones it.
Silence = violence.

oldgimmer1 Wed 10-Jun-20 18:13:21

I think Minnesota are trying to distance themselves from the neck restraint technique.

I think it's supposed to be limited to those who are resisting arrest.

Oopsminty Wed 10-Jun-20 18:01:29

I understand the three other officers had only been in the job a week or so, so they weren’t experienced enough to know that too much force was being used.

Two of the officers were new on the job. They were kneeling on Floyd's back and legs, out of sight from the main footage that we've seen

One of them asked twice if they should turn George Floyd on to his side, but Chauvin wanted to continue.

The guy who was stood watching over , Tou Thao, was not a rookie.

All this for a fake 20 dollar note