Worried about single daughter/s

If all else fails I have two single sons (35 & 37).
Both seem happy with their lives and hobbies!
They dote on their three year old niece.

Please don't take offence, I'm not trying to minimise your concerns especially as your daughter minds for herself.

Sometimes I wonder if my sons will ever settle down, but it's out of my hands.
I also wonder, given their ages, if they'll bring a partner with children into the family. Again it's out of my hands.
It's hard when their lives don't follow the "expected" pattern.
I try not to overthink it.

my father's mother had a good job with prospects, working in a flourishing city abroad.
but that was not her long-term goal.
so when she was ready she wrote back home to the local match-maker and an arrangement was made, with an older man who had a little land and a skill beside, he had a small quarry and was a master mason.
so she sailed back and married him. had many children, without which i would not be writing this.
it was a hard life, and they had little in common, except shared values and absolute loyalty. he was hard, silent type. she was soft and loving.
so there are many ways to fulfil goals.

Are these the same daughters who (I think) you wrote were struggling in the autumn?
I think you wrote about hair loss and maybe stress and worry?

If so, maybe they need to help themselves first with some counselling? Anyone who is suffering will find all relationships difficult and be more likely to hook up with the "wrong" person. Counselling can help you understand yourself better and accept the person you are. If they learn to love themselves a little, gain confidence and feel stronger - then they will surely find someone to love who will love them back.

If I have got this all wrong, apologies.

My sister hadn't met anyone, and she was approaching 30, lived away from home, and had few interests outside work.
She found a Christian dating agency and signed up with them. After one or two dates, she was put in touch with the man who is now her husband, and the father of her 3 sons.
I know it's not easy to find a good man these days, but perhaps a reputable dating agency would be worth a try.

Thank you for that positive post. Perhaps the same will happen for her. I hope so.

Well, they have, a great deal and they nor I can think what it might be, apart from perhaps giving off ‘wary’ vi Es from past bad experiences.

I didn’t mean jealous in that way. She is always delighted for them and she has a wide network of friends.

I met my now dh in my late 30s and we married 2 years later. It all happened very fast. I had our first child before our first wedding anniversary and the second came 2.5 years later in my early 40s.

I can sympathize with your dd. She is only 32! She is young and has plenty of time.

One issue is that you cannot time these events, they happen when they happen.

Your dd needs to be happy being single. She needs to feel good by being on her own, fulfill her own goals in life and be happy with who she is now.

She has no control over finding a partner and a child. Worrying about it will not help.

Desperation will only make things worse as it will scare prospective partners away, attract the wrong kind of men to her and make her take bad decisions - would she pick just any men or the right one?

Is she also idealizing other couples' relationships? Is she only seeing the good vs the reality?

I know it is easier said than done. She needs to count her blessings now and appreciate what she has.

So true quizqueen and the idea of meeting like minded people at clubs and groups is also a good one. Maybe your daughters need to look inward a little Pollyj.

Your daughters always seem to chose the wrong sort of men so that is something they need to think about. At the first sign of any unsolvable problems e.g. they are heavy drinkers, selfish, violent etc. they need to move on and not waste any more time on them.

At the same time, they need to look at their own personality and behaviours to see why relationships aren't lasting long term. It probably won't always be the men who are at fault; you are just looking at your daughters through rose tinted spectacles!

Also, they will lose their female friendships if they are continually jealous of their lives instead of being pleased they have found happiness...and cut out the desperation for a man and child to create a happy life for them. That is something that comes from within yourself.

The best way to meet someone who is compatible is to join a club... walking, bird-watching, whatever interests you. Be pleasant and friendly but don't look desperate.

She needs to find some new hobbies:

1. To take her mind off it.
2. More chance of meeting someone.

She is probably putting men off by sounding to eager, and would maybe settle for second best if she carries on in this state of mind.