Husband displaying infatuation

Just wanted to give an update to those of you kind enough to reply, but before I do that I want to thank everyone for their postings as each one has been valuable to me in different ways. To those who recognised my feelings of being unsettled, and sympathised with that, I want to say that this is probably the single most important thing I needed at that time.
Anyway, the upshot is, I talked to my husband about this, and I believe him when he says that this is a friendship (not a love affair or a physical affair). It appears that this friendship has gotten a bit out of hand though. He has agreed not to see her anymore. I couldn't really work out what she was getting out of this strange relationship (other than money (!)) until I read about the 'damsel in distress' thing which some women do. I feel sorry for my husband (and myself, of course) that he has probably been a bit manipulated. As for reporting her, I am not that sort of person to ruin someone else's life, although I recognise that in not reporting her I may be allowing her to repeat her behavior in the future. Tis a conundrum for me. Why can't people just be decent?! Anyway, thanks all, what a valuable forum

I've seen my current physio for just over ten years. I have an ongoing issue that needs maintenance. By this stage we know each other quite well and have what I would call a more personal but professional relationship that happens in the context of appointments. He never texts me outside appointments though and gifts have never been exchanged.

I too would look further into this. You know if his issue is something that might have needed ongoing visits for ten years. Other than maybe something small at Christmas, the gift exchange seems odd too. The deleting of texts would concern me more. Why the need for secrecy with a professional relationship?

I'm not sure what I would do other than talk to him about it and ask to see the texts. I know if my husband became uncomfortable with my physio, I would change or let him come along to any appointment he wanted to. Then he could either meet the therapist or see for himself it's all professional. How would your husband react to that suggestion?

Is he seeing her on a regular basis or occasionally if his condition worsens? I have seen a Chiropractor over a number of years because I can have pain flare ups not because I'm infatuated with the Therapist.

Not sure what to make of it but if he has been seeing her for ten years why are you seeing anything differently now? What is he actually seeing her for? Ten years is a long time in therapy for any reasons.

Personally I would just ask him outright why he needs to keep seeing her?

If he can't explain and you can't think of any benefit he is getting from it then tell him straight, you want him to stop!

If he refuses point blank without giving any good reasons he keeps going, you have your answer! Up to you then what you do. The whole thing does sound strange to an outsider to be honest.

I'm sorry introvert55 I have nothing to add to all the good advice above, except I sympathise with your feelings of unease.
He is clearly quite invested in this relationship, what ever her take on it.
Do you have any friends or relatives you can talk to?

Apologies, I didn’t mean to put your name in speech marks, just to highlight Introvert . ?

Regardless of her working privately, she will have a code of conduct to follow.

If you know her name and business address you can find out where and what she is registered for.
I think you need to find out the above first and then discuss with your husband, you must only discuss with him when you know all the facts.
I do not want to jump to conclusions but something is giving off alarm bells. Is she a physio? Or is she doing something that does not have a governing body. Remember 10 years is a long time.

Sorry to be so black and white on this but to be honest if his condition still needs treatment after ten years then he’s going for another reason and I find it strange that you’ve never question this in your mind until now

Go with your instincts.
You are clearly not happy with the situation, and I think you are right; he is behaving like an infatuated teenager; she, self-employed or not, is a professional woman and is not behaving professionally.
Find out who and what she is, (qualifications, professional body, place of work) then have a serious conversation with your husband about his relationship and suggest he transfers to another physiotherapist forthwith. If he refuses, threaten, and mean it, to pursue her through her professional association for possible misconduct.

This whole situation sound wrong in many ways. I would be confronting him about all this Introvert55

the worrying thing for me would be all the money he has been spending. if he has been seeing her for a decade! Not a good therapist if he hasn't been sorted by now!!

I’d be looking into this to be honest. 10 years is an awfully long time to be seeing a physio.

Me too seacliff

I wonder what sort of "therapy" she provides? Why did he seek help originally? Bad back? It is a VERY long time to keep paying, for something that has not been sorted.

Does she work from a business premises do you know? Do you know how much he pays her?

I would be suspicious, perhaps that's just me.

If I were in your position Introvert I would tell my H that his behaviour is upsetting me and say I want him change his physiotherapist.

The therapist is self-employed so I am not sure if there is anyone she can be reported to and it wouldn't solve the issue.

For her own sake, Introvert should have a quiet word with the therapist and her husband. She needs to know if it is something or nothing. These doubts can make you very unsettled.

I would make an appointment and talk to her.
The infatuation could be all one-sided. Or not.
If you can skype her and see her face it might tell you what you need to know “Introvert” - is this a professional relationship?

Oh my goodness I didn’t know it was a PHYSIOtherapist and he’d been going for ten years
May I ask what his problem is to need Physiotherapy for 10 years.even a bad back doesn’t get more than a few months so obviously it’s not working is it if he’s been spending private money for 10 years? I d have had concerns 91/2 years ago

If it is "transference" as mentioned by GagaJo, I agree there may not be too much to worry about in practical terms. Yes, I acknowledge that you may not feel very happy about it.

If something is going on, it is up to you how you wish to proceed. I believe you ought to report her.

Do you wish to remain with your husband?

I didn't know this was 10 years and I don't think I am missing the point.

The OP is concerned about her husband being infatuated by this therapist. The fact that she may not belong to a professional body isn't the issue.

We don't know that she is leading him on. The texts may not be about anything other than his treatment and the infatuation is all one sided.

If she is acting other than professionally then I think Introvert should confront him and her with her concerns.

There are a couple of possibilities.

1) That the infatuation is just that. Is one sided and not returned. Feelings for a medical professional (either therapist or doctor etc) are called transference. I wouldn't worry about this. It's a bit hurtful but is no reflection on you or your relationship. My partner had this quite a long time ago when he was having counselling to help him deal with depression.

2) There is however also the possibility something is actually going on. This would be a totally different scenario. I'm not sure how you go about getting the truth OR what you would want to do if this was the case. If it is actually happening however, I would definitely report her. It isn't acceptable for a professional to behave this way.

I wouldn’t be relying on membership of a professional body to prevent romantic feelings, if it has been going on for 10 yrs, your worries are well founded.

What you do about it is another matter, you could tolerate it and make sure he knows you are keeping a close eye on him, or you could insist he gets a male physio. After all that time his condition probably hasnt improved and is not likely to.

Introvert even a self employed therapist has to be trained and belong to one of the Professional bodies you cannot work without belonging to one or other and that should be on her business cards and advertisements They all have very very strict rules about relationships ( however vague) between client and therapist If she is acting without being part of a national organisation then she is not a trained professional and can be closed down

AGAA4

You don't say what age your husband is but I think men as they get older fear losing their looks and masculinity.

The therapist will be giving him her attention, professionally, and it could be making him feel attractive again. There is nothing like an attractive young woman to bolster male ego.

A bit concerning that he deletes her text messages and maybe you should ask him about that.

This is probably just what you think. An infatuation and it will end as most infatuations do.

AGAA4, thank you, yes all those things I've thought already. Except he's been seeing her for therapy for nearly a decade. I asked about the texts and he says he deletes texts regularly - for housekeeping purposes. Can't argue with that.