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Husband displaying infatuation

(56 Posts)
Introvert55 Thu 02-Jul-20 15:02:09

I'm not very good at reading people but I think after 25 years marriage, I should be able to sense when my husband seems different. Without going into detail, it would appear that he is infatuated with his therapist who is about 15 years younger than me and extremely attractive. He has given her gifts in the past, deletes his text conversations with her, and the other day I was in the car with him and he thought he'd driven past her and I've never seen him so animated - he virtually jumped out of his seat and cricked his neck to see her (despite driving down the road at the time). Turned out it wasn't her anyway.
We've always been really close and it is upsetting for me to think that she might be on his mind. Has anyone else had this experience? What do I do?

Jane10 Tue 04-Aug-20 14:02:48

Check her registration on the Health professions Council website. If bona fide she's required to be registered with them and to adhere to their professional standards.

Forestflame Tue 04-Aug-20 11:19:02

Introvert. I know very well how you feel. My Ex Husband behaved this way on more than one occasion. If I said anything I was accused of being jealous. Note, he is now my Ex.....

ValerieF Sun 05-Jul-20 21:05:55

Introvert55 has come back and said she has had a talk with her husband and he has agreed not to see this therapist again.

She also has the dilemma of whether to report her or not? Personally, I would not! Reason being it is very hard to prove if someone is out stepping the boundaries and what can be mis-understood. Not suggesting in any way the Op is wrong, it is odd but unless the OP feels that she wants to go that route of interrogation, proving facts etc I would just move on! OK so people may say, the physio acted unprofessionally but we don't actually know ALL the details and unless the OP feels she is absolutely sure and wants to drag something on for years which could be nipped in bed right now I would advise her to drop it!

Eventually IF this physio is acting unlawfully she will be brought to task, no doubt about it but not sure on the basis of what has been shared I would want to be the instigator. Up to OP, of course.

Glad you got your husband to stop seeing her Introvert55

seacliff Sun 05-Jul-20 12:31:55

Surely these doubts have not just come into your mind? Have you been wondering for quite a while? You say and I believe him when he says that this is a friendship (not a love affair or a physical affair). It appears that this friendship has gotten a bit out of hand though. He has agreed not to see her anymore.

Even so, if it were me, I would want to know much more detail about the truth of what has been going on. It would fester in my mind, I would imagine all sorts, and I would have no peace. I would want to know who instigated it. If you can trust him and just put it all behind you, good for you.

I think maybe you need to have a conversation about your future relationship with him. Was it just a mid life crisis with her. Would he like to suggest some new things you and he can do together to revamp your relationship.

grandtanteJE65 Sun 05-Jul-20 11:52:48

You need to ask your husband outright whether he is infatuated with this woman, or not.

No health professional is allowed to have a personal relationship with a patient or client.

Most teachers and lawyers don't either.

However, you need to face the fact that if you do ask your husband what is going on, you may not like the answer. So ask yourself, are you willing to put up with adultery, if that is what is going on?

silverlining48 Sun 05-Jul-20 11:45:47

Similar thing happened to a friend, he promised to stop seeing the woman concerned, who probably had no idea of his feelings, unlike your husbands therapist who is probably very aware.
My friend felt let down by the secrecy, his lies and lack of loyalty, and seriously considered leaving him. He was very contrite so eventually she stayed, but trust had gone and only now years later things are back to a new sort of normal, but will never be the same as it was.
Be careful Introvert. Try and talk to someone close to you about this, it helps.

Delila Sun 05-Jul-20 11:42:12

Do you think it's possible that the relationship between your husband and the physiotherapist is pure fantasy on his part?

Have you seen any evidence of her part in this "relationship".

Purplepixie Sun 05-Jul-20 11:18:48

I think you have the patience of a saint! After 10 years I would be asking him just what the hell is going on. Is he paying for this? Why not suggest going along with him? That would puddle his head! Try and have a chat with him and get to the bottom of it but you may not like the answer. A good knee in the knackers usually works!

theretheredear Sun 05-Jul-20 11:12:56

Glad you managed to sort this out ❤

glammanana Sun 05-Jul-20 10:59:59

introvert Have you ever thought of going with your husband to any of his appointments ?

Poppie99 Sun 05-Jul-20 10:48:59

Totally agree Bluebelle

BlueBelle Sun 05-Jul-20 10:43:44

alexa you are so wrong when you say The morals and professionalism of the therapist are neither here nor there as there a predatory women (and men)are ubiquitous
This is exactly where the problem is, people either in physical or mental pain can easily see their therapist as their saviour, lover, carer and it is entirely up to the therapist to make sure the relationship is completely professional once they have crossed that line by accepting gifts and exchanging a friendship it is extremely relevant and does need reporting
i m sorry introvert people are vulnerable when they are in pain and something like her actions could really tip someone ekse over so although you are happy with your husbands explanation (sounds as weak as weak to me) but that’s your business but She’s was the profession he was just the fool

BlueBelle Sun 05-Jul-20 10:19:40

david you forget the gifts and jumping out the car to look for her ?
It’s really not about the husbands stupid infatuation if that’s what it is, but it is about the professional woman’s unprofessional actions
I m still curious to know how regularly he goes, over this ten year period and how much money he’s paid her and for what. .... was it Elvis that sang suspicious minds

timetogo2016 Sun 05-Jul-20 10:13:31

I agree with BlueBelle.
I would also go to where she works and tell her supervisor whats been going on as she is being very unprofessional
And to be honest you dh can`t have much wrong to be able to jump out the car as you stated.

Happygirl79 Sun 05-Jul-20 10:10:33

I can't understand why you are blaming the woman for your husbands behaviour
She isn't married to you
He is

Davidhs Sun 05-Jul-20 10:01:53

If texting and banter is as far as any friendship has got no further action needed, the issue has been resolved, time to put it behind you and carry on as normal. Men and women are both susceptible to this kind of familarity, we do need to guard against it.

Juliet27 Sun 05-Jul-20 09:40:23

Maybe it started out as a patient/therapist relationship but perhaps he not longer has therapy but the relationship has continued and 'therapy appointments' are the excuse?

Barmeyoldbat Sun 05-Jul-20 09:30:31

Me, I would be all guns blazing, 10 years of physio seems way over the top for any condition. I would make an appointment to see her, use a different name if it would help get you to see her and find out what is going on. Another thought, she might not take on women as patients1 Do you have a shared bank account, can you find how much she is charging. In the end it is your choice what you do, but 10 years is beyond belief.

Alexa Sun 05-Jul-20 09:13:48

I think you should express your fear and anger to him. Apart from your right to good manners from him, he has a right to know he is over stepping the mark.
'Hit the roof' comes to mind.

The morals and professionalism of the therapist are neither here nor there as there a predatory women (and men)are ubiquitous.

Admiring someone who is not one's partner is fine but these feelings should be drastically controlled.

TwiceAsNice Sun 05-Jul-20 09:09:20

Professional therapists of any kind are not allowed “friendships” either. It must be absolutely professional at all time’s. If a text is sent at all it should only be an appointment reminder no more. I email my clients a reminder 24 hours before the appointment purely to avoid them forgetting . As others have said 10 years is much too long .

Personally I would
report her to her professional body, they would take a very dim view, her ethics are awful. How you react to your husband is up to you !

Davidhs Sun 05-Jul-20 08:23:57

I’m glad this has been settled amicably, very often it doesn’t.
It is very easy for what should be formal relationship to slip into, casual friendship if appointments are frequent.

Hithere Sun 05-Jul-20 02:03:31

You are the among the wrong person.
It is your husband who chose to engage in the "friendship" on his own will.
I know you believe his version of events but would be enlightening to hear the other side too

granzilla Sat 04-Jul-20 21:52:47

He's been seeing a private Physio for over 10 years? confused
What on earth is wrong with him?
I'd like to say nip this in the bud but the bud seems to be well and truly open, sorry sad

Poppie99 Sat 04-Jul-20 21:44:24

So sorry you are dealing with this.I am a private physiotherapist working with NHS and private patients with musculoskeletal problems.
We have to be registered with the HCPC and work within our professional regulations. I would never give my mobile number to patients and undertake any private conversations . For a patient to receive continuing physiotherapy after a long period of time should perhaps persue other types of treatment,

GagaJo Sat 04-Jul-20 16:08:00

Um, it's all very well blaming the woman Introvert55, but your husband is the one who promised to love and honour you, not the other woman.

Either he loves and respects you or he doesn't. Blaming the woman involved doesn't work, because it could just happen again with someone else.