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Winning my Daughter-in-law Over

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cafegal Tue 21-Jul-20 21:58:03

My son married a beautiful young woman in 2016. For the start, I thought we would have a good relationship. The first baby came in 2017 and she absolutely welcomed me over. Then 2019 the second child was born and even at the start of her pregnancy she was pushing me away.

I always try to be accommodating, maybe too much. And even before Covid-19 she would always have an excuse why the time I wanted to swing by to see the kids just didn't work. My son says "come by any time mom", yet when I have tried I hear ... "we just put the kids down".

I haven't seen my grandson (3) and granddaughter (1) since December 2019. My son is too busy to even call me on Mother's Day. Sure I got a text message but nothing else.

This just breaks my heart. I sent her a card today to tell her that I miss her and that when COVID ends I hope we can get to see one another.

What do you recommend I do to win her over?

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Summerlove Mon 03-Aug-20 21:58:42

When my DIL became pregnant my daughter become very controlling like she was the one having the baby. All out of her love for her brother

Control is never about love. It’s about control. I’m wondering what your daughter-in-law views your place in that was.

I wouldn't either. BUT my son says "come by any time"... I too like time to plan so it never is one hour.

How nice of him to speak for your daughter-in-law’s time like that.

I do you think constantly adding in every text how much you would like to see them can come across as passive aggressive. Do you ever text just to check up on them without asking for a visit? You might not think you are being intrusive, but you do not know that you are not.

I would start just by texting them to try to build a relationship and see if an invitation happens. Don’t keep asking otherwise it will not go well

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welbeck Mon 03-Aug-20 23:00:57

it sounds a bit convoluted, now that you mention your daughter's strange behaviour too.
maybe DIL thinks you are in league with her, and she's just had enough of her husband's interfering family.
as she sees it. her priority is rightly her children and husband.
you may never know why her attitude towards you changed.
but i think you just have to respect her right to run her family in the way that suits her.

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