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It’s put a dampener on what should be a happy time.

(49 Posts)
bytheway Mon 10-Aug-20 13:35:36

Hi All,

Please tell me if I’m over reacting.

I’m the youngest of first 4 girls and have often had a problem with one or more of my sisters treating me as the ‘youngest’ putting me down and somehow forming what feels like a ‘gang’ against me. This is usually by my two middle sisters though my oldest has her moments too.

So to get to my dilemma. As we all live 100,s miles apart we have a Watsapp group to exchange chit chat and updates on my Dad from those that live close to him and talk about our children and GC etc...

So a couple of months ago I applied and got early retirement, I was so happy and told them all on the group. Only one answered to say ‘she doesn’t blame me for taking retirement’ but not one of them said congratulations. I mentioned it again in a relevant chat about 1 month ago and again no congratulations...nothing.

So last Friday was my last day at work, I had gifts, calls and emails (I’m working from home cos of Covid so not possible to go into office) from friends and colleagues. But nothing, not one word from any of my sisters. All of whom knew it was my last day. I didn’t put anything on our group but I did put pictures of gifts and cards I had received on faceache so I know they would have seen them.

It’s really put a dampener on the start of my retirement and made me feel quite down.

My feelings are that they are all in jobs they dislike and are jealous or envious and see me, the youngest, out of the rat race. Also, my husband had a very large inheritance this year which has made our lives a lot more comfortable, I’ve never bleated about it but they know something of it.

I don’t know....I just really needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening

Lucca Mon 10-Aug-20 13:40:54

Sometimes I see something on a whats app thread but am distracted and end up forgetting to comment ? Could this be it ?
If not just relax and enjoy your retirement,

janeainsworth Mon 10-Aug-20 13:43:25

Don’t imagine the worst of your sisters.
You will only hurt yourself by imagining they are jealous of your inheritance and the fact you’ve retired.
Is retirement such a big deal? It wasn’t for me and perhaps your sisters feel the same.

eazybee Mon 10-Aug-20 13:43:55

How old are you?

bytheway Mon 10-Aug-20 13:46:29

Why is my age relevant?

tanith Mon 10-Aug-20 13:51:59

I had to take early retirement and i don't think one person congratulated me not family or colleagues. Although i had been in the job 20 yrs not one card pressie, nothing it obviously wasn't that important but it did p me off at the time.

tanith Mon 10-Aug-20 13:53:11

Meant add don't let it spoil things for you relax and enjoy.

DiscoGran Mon 10-Aug-20 13:56:41

I think you answered your own question. Don't dwell on it, and enjoy your retirement. They'll get over it.

Peardrop50 Mon 10-Aug-20 14:01:15

Feel lucky and don't dwell on the opinions of others.

SpringyChicken Mon 10-Aug-20 14:09:49

Colleagues usually have a whip round and send congratulations. I wouldn't expect family to do the same.

Eloethan Mon 10-Aug-20 14:17:12

Retirement wasn't a big deal for me either. I certainly didn't expect congratulations.

Given that you know your sisters are in jobs they hate, could it be perhaps a little insensitive to make a big thing of it, especially as they know your financial circumstances are pretty rosy? Maybe they are a little jealous. It's not nice but I suppose everyone is human and has some ungenerous thoughts sometimes.

DanniRae Mon 10-Aug-20 14:27:10

You are lucky to have any sisters - I always wished I had one!

fevertree Mon 10-Aug-20 14:31:29

I.g.n.o.r.e ... (the fact that they made no comment or congratulated you). It's small potatoes, kick your heels and enjoy your good fortune and free time.

MerylStreep Mon 10-Aug-20 14:35:37

please tell me if I'm over reacting
Yes, you are over reacting. It's only retirement.

Cabbie21 Mon 10-Aug-20 14:37:25

I can’t recall any of my family congratulating me on my retirement. Just wouldn’t occur to them , nor bother me.
Time to move on and enjoy your freedom.

Squiffy Mon 10-Aug-20 14:39:25

It would never have occurred to me to be congratulated (by family) on retiring! Perhaps your sisters are the same.

Put it behind you and enjoy your retirement! flowers

Bixiboo Mon 10-Aug-20 14:48:23

People view retirement quite differently Bytheway. Perhaps your sisters wish they were fortunate enough to be able to retire and are perhaps a tiny bit envious. Don’t dwell on it, concentrate on this new phase in your life and enjoy.

Daisymae Mon 10-Aug-20 15:01:03

Well guess that they are a bit ticked off that they are having to continue working. Sibling rivalry never really goes away. Not much you can do about it. Congratulations by the way. Hope you are making lots of plans!

Oopsadaisy3 Mon 10-Aug-20 15:07:02

DH retired during lockdown, he received gifts from work colleagues, but no one in the family thought to ‘congratulate’ him

However, if he was young and had an inheritance and retired, I doubt that he would have been given any gifts from work.

bytheway Mon 10-Aug-20 15:15:43

Thanks all,

I wasn't expecting gifts from family but hoped I would be offered their congratulations as I would have done and have been done too by friends. I guess I am being a bit sensitive but it all goes along with the way I have been dealt with by my sisters in the past.

As suggested, I shall now draw a line under the matter and simply enjoy my retirement, thanks for all your responses it has put things into perspective.

timetogo2016 Mon 10-Aug-20 15:30:29

Enjoy your retirement and ignore what family do or don`t do.
If you don`t they are bullying you again.

FlexibleFriend Mon 10-Aug-20 15:35:39

Why does what they think matter?

AGAA4 Mon 10-Aug-20 15:35:53

Retirement is great! Enjoy it and don't let this mar your happy time.

BlueBelle Mon 10-Aug-20 15:44:53

Retirements the pits but some people like it, why do you need congratulating? it’s something that happens it’s not like you won a prize or anything Getting married, having a birthday, having a baby or a grand baby, may get congratulations certainly nothing like that for retiring
I had the usual cards and a present from Colleagues but wouldn’t expect anything else so yes your expectations were way over the top In my opinion

Grandmabatty Mon 10-Aug-20 17:05:53

Like any other big life event, retirement changes dynamics. I retired early and my family and friends celebrated that with me, as did colleagues. Maybe they were glad to get rid of me! My family knew how hard I had worked and celebrated that I could relax a bit. I sympathise with you. It would have been nice if your family had acknowledged that. However they didn't so perhaps they are jealous, perhaps it's not a big thing for them. Let it go, don't give it headroom and enjoy your retirement! I do.