Getting Married

I think I'd just go and do it, either without telling any of them or with - as witnesses - your own children who seem to be willing and happy for you to do this on the small scale that is necessary just now. Good luck - hope it goes well.

Are witnesses the same as guests at the ceremony? Surely you can have more than 4 in the room? Anyway it sounds as though you have booked the date so I'd agree with reiterating your invitation to OH's DC, or say you will have to go ahead with another of your children or a friend. The idea about explaining that the ceremony is the 'legal' day is a good one. If it is that only 2 people can be in the room with you how about investigating the possibility of a live link so they can log in and watch? I think it's fairly widespread during Covid times and could be free of charge. You could also provide a piece of cake and suggest they all raise a glass as the ceremony finishes, or do something that is special to your families. Your children have done as you asked though so should not be penalised for the other side of the family refusing to co-operate. Stick to your plans, it is your day, and have 2 lovely days of celebration.

Not much I'd say to your post except:
1: Congratulations - it's your decision and I wish you both all the best for many more happy years together.
2: It's probably sensible to get the legalities sorted out as life has a nasty habit of throwing curveballs at us.
3: Do whatever suits you, is acceptable to you, feels right for you. This is your day so do not allow anyone to dictate any part of it
4: Coronavirus has already impacted thousands worldwide - everything is weird, out of the ordinary, done differently etc. While in a perfect world it might've been nice to wait a while, to have all your family present to bear witness to your wedding vows, to have a party, a honeymoon etc - these are not perfect times
5: You have a right to happiness - don't let anyone sour your day - make it sweet for you. Have a great day and enjoy your lives together as a married couple. Congratulations again

younger people think they'll live forever.

You should have just done it ... in fact just do it and have a blessing / wedding next year ... they don’t even need to know . My son had a legal wedding but his “ real” wedding was an amazing outside handfasting affair which everyone regards as their true wedding !!

Just do it! It’s your life, your day, your choice. Your own children have been really understanding so far so I’m sure they’ll understand if you pick two strangers off the street or a couple of good friends as your witnesses. Many congratulations and good wishes for your future together x

Congratulations janipans; I hope you have a fabulous day and that the sun shines for you. Your families will get over it.

Congratulations! Your wedding, your choice.

janipans
First of all, Congratulations!

No matter how well meant, requesting you wait until this Pandemic is over (..and who knows when that might be?) sounds very unreasonable to me.

Having said that, the idea of one child each sounds lovely, but there could be more turmoil to come that could be avoided. Alternatives? One close friend of each...another couple, perhaps? Just saying.

You've already waited 12 years! When two people decide to get married, they also decide 'how, where and when'. Everyone else should just give them their blessing.

So pleased you went ahead and booked it. Enjoy...wishing health, wealth and happiness. ?

What you are planning is far from unusual. My brother did it a few years ago. He was a widower and he was marrying a wonderful lady who was divorced as her husband had left her to go off with his secretary (what a cliche!). As they were both Christian's they wanted a church blessing so had a formal legal ceremony with just two witnesses. A couple of days later they had their church blessing with all their family and friends there. They class that date as being their wedding date. Now my nephew is doing the same. He and his fiancee live in Germany. Apparently if anyone is hospitalised with Corvid only a spouse can visit. Consequently lots of living together couples are getting married. My nephew is having a just them and witnesses wedding in the immediate future and are having a big wedding celebration in a few months.

Congratulations on your day.

I think that it would have been better to have gone ahead without involving your ACs.
Not a good idea to say ‘we are getting married yaaaay’ but you can’t come, well some can and some can’t.
I can see trouble ahead, but if you are prepared for that then it’s something you have to deal with.
I would be very hurt if I was asked to draw straws to attend my Mother or Fathers wedding.

Just get married and grab two witnesses off the street, family needn’t know until of course they notice a ring on your finger.

As I said earlier, I support the OPs plan.

I’m just curious if “your“ child Chose to only invite their other parent, would everyone here feel the same re: their wedding/their choice?

Go ahead with your plans. We don’t know when things will return to normal.
Congratulations to you both& enjoy your wedding.

Get married how you want to. How dare they do this to you. Enjoy your day and don't give them a thought. x

"They wanted us to get married at a later date so all their family could be present."
That 'later date' could be a long way away. A loooong way .

"Covid made us sit up and think about the legal side of our relationship (especially as we have been shielding)"
I think it has focussed a lot of people on what's important. You mention shielding, so I assume if (at least) one of you got ill, it would be dangerous? So yes, best to sort out everything in advance. You could make wills, declaring each to be next-of-kin to each other etc. - but it takes care of all that (and more) if you just go ahead and marry.

Your plan is a sensible one. Civil ceremony now, family celebration when safe. His children's objections to marrying now could leave them as next-of-kin and in control of your life. Yes, I am cynical.

Can you not have up to twenty guests now?

Mmm. I’m going against the tide with this one but have thought about this myself as I’ve known people who have just gone off and got it done. One couple did it two weeks after they came to our wedding and didn’t even mention it. I found it hurtful.
How would you feel if one of your children wanted to get married this way? I accept its your wedding ,your rules but I can see the other side of it.

It's your choice. Go ahead and good luck for the future.

My sister and I were rather hurt when my father married (for the third time) without us being invited (his bride's choice.) We didn't make a fuss but we weren't chuffed.

The marriage was annulled within a couple of years.

I am in a similar situation to the OP and we have been considering the options; as one each of our two offspring apiece live abroad we have a little more cause to just have one child from each side present. I quite like the idea of Zooming the ceremony after dispatching a bottle of champagne each to the non-participating children so they can toast our health, with the promise of a decent shindig next year.

No decisions yet though!

The "it's your wedding, so your choice" group should remember that family feelings can be strong, and I have known problems to linger long after the event. Whilst I would bend over backwards to agree with a couple's choice, I have known bitterness to spoil relationships, and think it better to sort out problems beforehand, and at least write a personal note to everyone not invited saying why it is not possible.

Same thing happened to us. We decided to take two friends as witnesses and no family at all. It was perfect. Family event and celebration on a different day.

Congratulations. Your wedding - so you call the shots. If they don't want anything to do with it, rope in your other child as a witness. It is not a knees-up for them to enjoy - it is a celebration to unite you as a couple. End of story.

Hi Janipans, Like so much of the advice I would certainly just go for it, I met my now OH, when my eldest daughter was 2yrs old, so he has always been dad to her, and he moved in with me, when our eldest was 8 we had our 2nd daughter and when she was 3 yrs old we decided to get married, we had been engaged for 5yrs, I have 2 older sisters who have never gotten along and a younger brother, my OH, has 3 brothers and a sister, so we have quite a big extended family, I didn't need or want a big wedding because we already had our house and children so the reason for marriage apart from the obvious was so I had the same surname as my OH and DD's, and I knew there was absolutely no way of pleasing everyone and I didn't want to try as the day was about us and our girls, so we went to our parish priest and ask him to marry us, it was on a Thursday night and we told NO ONE, apart from needing 2 witnesses who were my OH youngest brother and his wife, and our 2 girls were there too, but about an hour before we were due to marry I felt I couldn't do it without my mum being present and my OH felt the same about his mum, so we went on the phone in time to have our mothers present too, so it was only the 2 of us with the 2 girls and 2 witnesses and our 2 mums, we went for dinner&drinks afterward (had already told our babysitters, who were sworn to secrecy), and the next day we took our girls to Blackpool for the weekend and once all of our family were told we married we organised a reception for the weekend following, we had a fantastic time because we pleased ourselves and if I could go back and have a big wedding, I wouldn't!!, we've been married for 22yrs now and have 4 daughters and 2 wee grandsons, you have to please NO ONE but yourselves, and you can have a good reception when times allow, hope all goes well for you. xx