Getting Married

Just do it - and party later! (You never know what the future holds.- - we only have the "here and now".)

Just do it with a couple of friends or random strangers as witnesses.
You both have decided to get married for understandable reasons when you have been together for over 10 years , not as if you only met each other yesterday!
Why not get it done (sorry, can't think of any other way to say it) , not tell either side, then have a blessing at a later date, with both sides of the family present? You could either wear a none wedding ring in the meantime and then exchange rings at the big do!

Why didn't you just go and do it without involving family having to make choices. If it's important to have your offspring in attendance then surely they should all be given same opportunity. Go do it without family then have celebration later.

Top answer MissAdventure.

If his children don't want to do as you ask then you could have two of yours? How many have you got? I got married with 2 witnesses we grabbed from round the building. I had just promised my family we'd wait 6 months as they objected to the marriage. It lasted 27 years. We married then as he was in the Merchant Navy and I wanted to sail with him, only allowed then as a wife.

Congratulations. I would go to Gretna if allowed at the moment.x

You can't please everyone, do your own thing, if anyone is unhappy tough

Do it!

My daughter did exactly the same on Tuesday this week - she had the best man and chief bridesmaid as witnesses (they had to wear masks, but bride and groom didn't!) and we are having a celebration 'do' with everyone there later in the year with wedding dress (not worn to legal do) and the whole palaver later in the year - she will have someone ordaining it and we will have it in a friends large garden, small but lovely!

I did the flowers for Tuesday and baby sat the children - the idea was we would dress up a bit for photos, but the weather was so hot we all looked like wet rags!

Weddings are family occasions, however small. It's not just 'the legal bit', it's a wedding! And sorry, but I can see it from your partner's family's viewpoint.

Just do it - who’s to say that you all survive COVID and come out the other end - we are each responsible for our own lives so don’t let your step-children to be dictate what happens in yours. If they all want to be there they can join on the pavement and see you from a distance. They are trying to control your day / say no.

Do the legal bit - presumably if you are shielding then you have reason to think that you are more at risk, so want that done and dusted. Then have a family celebration later as you planned.

OH's children really cannot dictate your choices. Explain your reasoning to them then just do it. Perhaps find some special role for them in the eventual celebration.

What are we doing tiptoeing round our AC!?

I gather that a civil partnership is a much shorter ceremony, could you do that instead and have a big family party later on?

They are being selfish.
Don't put off your marriage - you want to have it soon for completely sensible reasons.

If OH's offspring won't co-operate, can he ask another relative or friend?

I'd do the whole thing quietly and not even tell them, if possible.

We got married last year after 12 years together. We didn't tell our 4 daughters, 2 each, until the evening of the day. We only wanted a small wedding, had two friends as witnesses and went for afternoon tea afterwards.
We have 4 daughters and husbands and 10 grandchildren between us. The logistics of having them all there at the same time, plus the costs involved influenced our decision.
I think that this is your day and your choice as to what you do.
Hopefully everyone will be happy for you and respect your decision.
The best of luck and congratulations on whatever you decide

One of our children was married in February, after 25 years together as partners, It was just before the lockdown and present restrictions did not apply but it was an absolutely lovely occasion. There were 16 people plus the registrar and assistant - bride, groom, their two children, and the six closest people from each family. It was a very happy day and exactly what a wedding should be - not about showing off to a huge number of friends.

Summerlove

My mother remarried without any of her kids, or her partners kids. Just her best friend and husband.

I was hurt, but ultimately understood it was her wedding and her day.

Nothing was soured between us, but I do wish I’d been there

That's exactly right Summerlove

I thought up to 30 people can attend a wedding at the moment, could you consider a civil ceremony which from a space perspective could accommodate all your children instead of the registry office?

My mother remarried without any of her kids, or her partners kids. Just her best friend and husband.

I was hurt, but ultimately understood it was her wedding and her day.

Nothing was soured between us, but I do wish I’d been there

My husband and I also had a small wedding, afterwards we changed children's birth certificates to be "children of the marriage" (he is their father). For us, our marriage was the final tie binding all of us together as a married family. My children being part of that was a priority for me. So I understand that the children here might feel the same way.

As things are, this is not possible so personally I would focus on fair and make it equal for all the children. My family, we created. I would feel the same for joining two families together. So would have special celebration later that's fair.

Ultimately, it's always "my wedding, my choice" but at least this is a situation where people just want to share the joy with you OP

Its particularly difficult with yours having been sensible, isn't it?

Does your partner have a good friend who could be 'his' witness?

We had both been married before and just went to the register office and had two strangers as witnesses.
Its what WE wanted ie no fuss and saved all the problems associated with families, travel, outfits etc etc

That feels more like love than unreasonableness to me.

I don't see it like that, anymore than I would see an adult child wanting to have their wedding as they wish, not as their parents or family want it to be. When it's your wedding, you get to make the choices. And a loving, supportive family would want whatever the bride and groom want. Because it's their day.

It's your legal marriage, no-one else's, and if it's what you've decided you want to do then carry on.

If your children have decided which one of them will attend I think you should honour that.

If his children can't or won't put forward a supporter that's their decision and you shouldn't be made to feel bad about it or change your plans. Does he have another relative that would step in?

The big party with everyone can happen later when it's allowed, but who knows when that will be?!

My mother-in-law and her second husband did the classic register-office-and-two-random-strangers then phoned us all afterwards.

Do what you want to do, have the celebration event when it is possible and say to them you would love them to be there! Then it is up to them how they respond.

If there is more than on child I can see why they might be upset having to possibly be the one/ones to miss this. That feels more like love than unreasonableness to me.

If it were me, especially as I have a lot of children and am used to juggling their individual needs and personalities (lol)... I would each have a close friend as witness and explain to all children that when you have the real celebration, you want them all equally involved and part of the day.