My DH has had a subtle personality change. There is nothing nasty or distressing about his behaviour other than a very disconcerting feeling that he isn't quite himself.
I can only describe it as him becoming more 'jolly' and more talkative. He keeps making jokes and being upbeat. And pointing things out to me, almost like a toddler. If we're driving and he sees cows in a field, he's pointing at them and saying cows ... and describing them.
It's all a bit odd. As I say, nothing nasty at all and perfectly reasonable behaviour but just not like him. Not that he was miserable before, so the change is fairly subtle but enough to make me uncomfortable.
Examples of chatiness include things like when we were sitting in a restaurant him suddenly asking me where he thought all the people were from. I made a general not sure, but they're clearly tourists response but he seemed to genuinely need to know where from...we eat at this local restaurant about once a week. Never has he wondered where people are from...
And the other night, we watched a film and at the end he launched into a talk about how amazing people who make films are... they can pan in, pan out, cut scenes, add things in ... all very venison bemusing when you've regularly watched films with someone for 40 years.
Getting up this morning as I needed to sort something out. I said I was reluctantly getting up to be met with an energetic 'rise and shine, time to move!'. He's never ever said anything like this before.
So many more examples by he just feels different. Nothing I can criticise him for as it's all perfectly reasonable but so strange.
Hes 68. Perfectly fit. Doesn't even wear glasses. Full time high level job, currently working from home still. Nothing has changed to explain his suddenly happiness.
I bounce between worrying its the start of dementia or an affair ?♀️ . Or maybe just old age but stereotypically I'd expect grumpiness not an odd jolly enthusiasm for life.
What do you think wise women?
lulusmf - I am sorry you are having to deal with this - I too have had to care for an OH with a neurological degenerative illness. Please get all the help you can - it can take a big toll on you. I know you want to do your best for him, but sometimes doing our best involves taking help from others and looking after ourselves too.
I think it is very interesting. And if it had happened to me I'd have gone with the flow and crossed my fingers ...the opposite behaviour is tolerated and accepted why shouldn't this? And I have noticed that my daughters old Jack Russell is going through a personality change in his dotage...and we take it on board and smile. He's not a worse or better dog he's just different. I think I am different ...more tolerant more curious less judgemental it is one of the gifts of age I think and hope. I'm forever seeing things as if for the first time...it's great.
Hmm. In 2011 I started to notice subtle differences in my DHs behaviours, gait etc. I flagged up these differences to his GP but was told not to worry there was nothing going on. Later that year he was hospitalised with suspected swine flu, had a brain scan and I was told there was atrophy but it was probably early onset dementia and again dont worry. Despite vigorous objections by me nothing was followed up. Fast forward to 2016, new home in a new location. Some more odd behavious. New GP immediately orders tests and 18 months later, diagnosed with Multi System Atrophy. A rare life shortening and horrific condition. I accept that there is no cure, thete are no treatments but had we known even 3 years earlier our life decisions would have been completely different. Better to know? I can only soldier on with looking after him 24/7 woth the little help I have but determined to do my best for him everyday.
I understand how you would worry about changes in DH's way of talking.
I am having memory lapses and walk around with an ipad to jog my memory for important things.
I start a conversation but often can't remember the word I want but feel the need to insert a word anyway so sometimes it doesn't make sense.
DH is used to this and knows that all kitchen equipment is interchangeable and does not put the dirty casserole dish in the microwave as instructed.
I don't think this can be too serious otherwise I wouldn't realise I was doing it.
Your DH seems to be displaying the same attitude as my DH did when he retired, he became a different man.
Ravensummer - keep an eye on the behaviour (keep a few notes of odd things he says/does). It sounds like classic disinhibition - he's saying whatever comes into his mind, regardless of appropriateness. I would look at other behaviours too - is he over-spending, for example. Could be a frontal lobe problem. I hope it's just a case of 'lockdown fever' but dementia comes in many forms, and it's better to get onto it earlier than later. Wishing you all the best.
Maggie 68, I admire your bravery after such a long time together, but life is too short to be in a miserable relationship. It takes more courage to leave than stay so hope you build a happy new life and good luck in whatever you decide to do.
I would just chat to him about about it appreciatively, he may offer up some kind of unwitting explanation.
Ask him?
Agree with other posters saying he should see GP as this could be the start of dementia. Suggest he goes for a check up and ring to make an appointment. Usually those closest will notice changes first, months before anyone else does.
When my late husband had a few noticeable changes to his attitudes, sleeping and talking I coaxed him to see the Dr. He had begun to sleep v heavily which was v odd and also his moods were a bit odd. I won’t go into details but it wasn’t good news as he had a serious medical issue.
Please have your worries investigated for both your sakes.
He is working at home . I suggest that he has stress of something at work lifted. This has totally lifted his mood. Research has found that those who work from home are more productive by the way.
Maggie68
Oh and by the way! I don’t love him any more I don’t think I even like him he is very irritating and I am very intolerant too I admit, but why should I just carry on as if we are still together when in theory we haven’t been for years. This is not a dress rehearsal as one poster said and I only have a few quality years left in which to be happy.
Good for you. Hope you find the happiness we all look for.....
I agree with everyone saying maybe you should look into things a bit further but is it possible that as he is working from home he is missing talking to people and you are getting every bit of conversation and maybe he is enjoying more time with you and feels happy. I reckon you better try talking yourself and see if you can get an explanation from him. I do know that this pandemic has led to some very unexpected behaviour.
I think it does sound like the start of something like dementia. My mum had it and she had a personality change. What about taking advice from the Alzheimer’s Society? They may have a helpline you could ring. It could of course be what others have said, appreciating life after lockdown etc. And I hope it is this but it may be worth investigating a little further. Good luck xx
I agree!
go with your gut reaction. if something doesn't seem "right" then get it sorted one way or another.good luck
The important thing is that this change worries you.
Do ask him, what is making him so happy/causing these changes. If he doesn't realise he has changed then it might be the onset of a form of dementia.
If he does know what has caused this change, you will probably be relieved to know what it is.
Right now you probably are not seeing family or friends, so you can't really ask anyone else whether they have noticed the same as you have.
Next time he points out a cow, or anything else you know perfectly well what is, ask him why he is commenting on it in such detail. I'm not sure the answer will help, but it might.
My husband does all that but he's autistic si I've always assumed that was the reason
Oh and by the way! I don’t love him any more I don’t think I even like him he is very irritating and I am very intolerant too I admit, but why should I just carry on as if we are still together when in theory we haven’t been for years. This is not a dress rehearsal as one poster said and I only have a few quality years left in which to be happy.
Not sure what you mean exactly Antonia about your DH would be hurt if you told him what! By doing my own thing I mean living the way I want to live that is eating what I like shopping for myself and going to bed when I like all without feeling guilty.
My first thought is that he's on a high of some sort. Has any of his usual medication been increased.
I would ring his GP and tell him. He may not talk with you about your husband specifically but he may talk generally.
Maggie68 why would you need to separate in order to 'do your own thing'? Do you love each other? My DH can be very boring but would be incredibly hurt if I told him, other than in a jokey sort of way.
Sounds like you should cherish the moments. Put aside the reason why and enjoy his company. I would definitely appreciate that kind of chat from my DH. We have been married 49 years and he has nothing much to say to me about things going off around him. In fact he is very boring and very much in his own bubble. We are in the throws of separating! I know sounds bizarre doesn’t it! But I am so fed up with not having a proper relationship Luke I see other couples having. He is a lovely man and everybody likes him although some can see what I see. He has never mistreated me or been unkind he just doesn’t cherish our togetherness and hasn’t ever done for the last 25 years. So I need to move on and spend time on my own and live a little. I am in a good financial position now so I can do what I want to. Thus has not just happened due to lockdown it’s been a problem that’s just been brought to my attention and it needs my Attention! We have done counselling three times by the way so I feel like it’s the end of a road. Any advice anyone?
how#s his sense of smell.
that can be an early sign of dementia, its decline.
but i think you just have to accept it, and adjust yourself, if it is. there is no effective treatment. and would probably antagonise him if you suggested it, or tried to get him assessed.
if he is happy, that is a positive. and you have some warning, if it is. you have to adjust your expectations.
No work stress? No commuting?
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