Help! Sister causing problems

First of all it’s not your money, it’s your parents money and up to them what they do with it. An inheritance is not an inheritance until someone dies and leaves something to you.
Love your parents for who they are and stop thinking of them as your bank. That makes you as bad as your sister.

ValerieF my sister lives in my mom and dads’s house. If I go see my parents, she may be there. I guess I’ll wait a few more days and if my mom still hadn’t called me, then I’ll phone her. Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I’ll let you all know how I get on.

Val.....your last paragraph ??

Bathsheba I remember it well.?

Wow Allie, if I had suffered from cancer and are so stressed out by my sister, I would just take a step back. Keep going to see your mum and dad out of love rather than what they might leave you. Maybe you are better off than your sister and your parents know this? Being better off doesn't necessarily mean in monetary sense. Maybe you are in a more secure relationship?

Go see your mum and forget about talking Wills and money. It would certainly p*ss most people off if all their kids worried about was what they might get on their demise? Would certainly me anyway.

So true. It’s now been 5 days and word from my mom. We have never spent this much time not talking. And, she only lives 5 minutes from me. I want to phone her, but what do I say? They (my parents) believe I am wrong. By phoning my mom does that mean I admit I’m wrong? I don’t know what to say if I call her.

You are making too much of the £22000 your sister has been given and you certainly should not consider challenging a will on that basis, you will loose.

However, as your sister is living with your parents be very aware she might manipulate them into changing their will to your disadvantage. My recommendation is don’t rock the boat but be aware.

I also think you have a parent problem. They have favoritised one of you and your sisters personality is the result of that as well as the negative feeling you have towards your immediate family that you are struggling with.

Personally I would stop putting yourself out for them.

It is indeed your parents decision what they do with their money but I understand that it hurts to be the one who always gets the short straw.

Try to let it go. You are the one who has grown up able to keep a relationship and stand on your own two feet independantly.

Your sister and parents seem to think money is love and happiness and they couldn't be more wrong.

Actually you are better off than you think.

BlueBelle there was a thread entitled "House on market and I'm a bit lost", posted by mosaicwarts, in April 2019. Allie2 did indeed add a post to the thread in June 2019

All the best to you Allie, take care?

At this point, I don’t know. I want to step back for a bit.

I agree with Disco. It sounds like you have enough to worry about, particularly with your health, which I am sorry about?. I obviously don’t know how comfortable you are money wise...and if any extra would help, but it certainly isn’t worth this level of animosity. We never had good relationships with parents, and hadn’t seen any of them at all for the last 20 years. They are now all dead. My MIL left my husband considerably less than his siblings, but it was well worth it. We would have paid it anyway, just not to see them. We were surprised to get anything at all to be honest! I had nothing from my parents, presumably all going to my sister who my mum favoured. It hasn’t worried us a jot. We have been happy and healthy with our own lovely family, and now grandchildren. Focus on what’s important, but as * Disco* says, don’t hanker after them any more. They all deserve each other...you don’t need it. All the best.

There is no good answer here. My DH and I were in a similar (though not as blatant) situation with his family and one of his sisters. Years ago she went through the parents house and put stickers on all the items she wants when they die or the house is broken up. It was obnoxious. We know that his mom has given money to one brother (chronically unemployed) but that was her choice.

We decided that we didn't want anything. The siblings can beat each other up for what items are left and if there is any money to split at the end we will get our share.

Once that decision was made we were able to feel much less resentment and our life was better.

We didn’t inherit anything from our parents and didn’t expect to. On the surface of it, it does seem unfair, but our way has always been to make our own way, and anything else is a bonus. Concentrate on your own lives with your children and start to withdraw from your parents would be my advice. Let your sister get on with it. You don’t need the hassle, the money isn’t worth it.

Bluebelle. Apologies, I think there appear to be both !

You have fallen out with your parents over this?
Or told them you are stepping back?

Thank you for your replies. I feel very sad. It’s been 2 days now and neither my mom nor my sister has called me. This is unusual as mom and I talk to each other at least once a day. I’ll wait and see if mom calls. It hurts me to not hear her voice.

Regarding moving house post, yes that was me. We did move house last September. Now, that we have moved my husband says we should have done it years ago. He likes our neighbourhood much better now, and so do I.

Lucca there is a thread started by Allie2 called “help house on market and I m a bit lost” but it has been moved which I thought meant deleted June 2019 I wondered if they were connected ?

Post, not thread, Bluebelle. It’s still there.

Did your thread Last June about moving house after 13 years get deleted Allie2

You are blaming the wrong person - this is not a sister problem, but a parents one

Your sister is a bully and your parents are weak.
If you don't want to be the family Cinderella then you need to change.
Best of luck, I do feel for you.

I agree with others in that you really have no control over how your parents spend their money. The only thing you can really do is sit down with them and talk, or take a drastic route and have them declared incompetent of making their own decisions. I think that's a fairly tough legal battle.

Take the high road and keep doing your duty by your parents (as long as it isn't physically draining you). If you stop now it will sadden them and you will later have regrets that you cut off ties with them in their old age. But let your sister know that you are upset and that she is taking advantage of your parents. Shame on her, but I'm afraid these things do happen in families.

Personally I would put my complaints in writing, (bullet points only) listing where they have treated you differently and tell them you are going to have a one month break to let them think things out.
Leave them to it. They might then realise how much they depend on you.
It is hard to find you have been taken for granted. It happens to so many people, especially women. You just need to stand up to them.

I think you’ve been very reasonable but I would leave your sister to,sort your parents out if only for a short time and let her see if she can earn the money she has been given!