Only the Lonely. Inspired by Do People Enjoy Being Alone

There is a group called U3A which is a national group that runs a whole host of activities with interest to suit all. They are very welcoming and a good place to meet new friends.

Many years ago I joined a theatre group and we visited various musicals and plays in London's west end.

I travelled on the bus coming and going on my own and although I sat with the others in the theatre, rarely did anybody speak to me. The only time anybody sat next to me on the bus was when it was the last seat.

Why? I was not a certain religion it would seem!

Gosh I do get fed up with people saying physical exercise is the route to well-being. I am sure that they are right and I would do it all if it were physically possible for me to do so!!

If you like writing, there is a hobby I've recently discovered called postcrossing, where you send postcards to people across the world and also receive them. During lockdown and beyond I've heard from people of all ages from countries like USA, Canada, Australia, China, Russia, Japan, Brunei, Finland, France, Netherlands and Ireland. It's possible to make penfriends from this too. Have a look www.postcrossing.com.

I don't mind being alone most of the time, but sometimes do get oh so lonely. I moved last year, a long way from my old home. My ex left 10 years ago after nearly 30 years together, and during that time he had eroded any self confidence I had. The move was to be my new start, and although getting on a bit I was determined to make the effort for new friends and interests, even though the thought terrifies me. Got my list of local groups, U3A and WI, then Corona hit! So it's just Ebony (lovely cat) and myself - conversation is a bit one sided, but she does answer sometimes. I really dread this awful situation continuing for another year or so, and in the meantime all I can do is try and keep busy, so yes, I'm ok alone, but do get lonely.

"penfriends" = that brings back memories of teenage years long ago! I have made friends via interests using internet. Sadly some just stop contact and I know they must have died as were unwell. Others I have met up with face to face and they are not as I imagined them to be at all. Yes very frustrating with so much on pause button right now.

Stay safe everyone!

Luckygirl I could not agree more. My exercise is using a trolley and walking up and down the aisles of my local Waitrose.

I have not been able to go for a walk for many years and I certainly could not ride a bike. I have a pinned and plated ankle and bilateral knee replacements.

I fully understand where you coming from, sometimes life's events just put us into situations where we can only rely on ourselves. I too have had some significant life changes ( 4 major deaths, marriage break up, moved to a new area and now Corona) all in the last few years. I don't have children and my nearest family is over 300 miles away. But I am not giving up, I am renovating my new house, starting a business and planning for a future or should I say dreaming of a new future, at 64 I am not ready to give up. I did try joining a few clubs but lockdown stopped that and I the people I met don't know me well enough to give me the odd call. I also undertook some voluntary work but they only call when they need me to do something for them so I felt even more alone and frankly used. I feel I am invisible, I don't count. I made the mistake of moving to an area where the couples keep to themselves, I get the impression because I am single I am a threat, I don't know why I feel that because I am not after a man. I will get through this and I will get my life back on track by being a success and meeting new people who are more open to life's adventures. Enough about me, what about you my dear what interests do you have or hope to develop, what age are you, where are you located (I am in SE), whats your dreams, where do you want to be in 5 yrs time? Perhaps if you say a little more about you it will be easier to give you some specific suggestions. There is a life out there, I am going to get it and you can too. PM me if you don't want to post too much

I would love to be a pen pal. I live in the United States, am 69, married, and retired. Retirement and the pandemic have brought loneliness which has been difficult but I remain in a positive mindset. I enjoy reading, music, my pets and sharing life’s ups and downs. Would love to hear from you.

I have certainly found out who my friends are during this lo ckdown, Didn't have many anyway, having lost all my old friends gradually over the years. I have quite a few women I'm friendly with but do not actually call them friends as no one ever suggests a coffee or meal out so my suggestions with them seem to fall flat. I do believe it's difficult to make friends the older one gets, particularly if you have mobility problems as I have. Have been widowed since last year have found the past four months lonely. I'm fortunate that my son who lives quite near has done my weekly shopping and my daughter who lives in London has managed to visit a few times so I know how lucky I am in this regard but I do miss someone to just go out with occasionally. Presently have started to catch the bus to do some shopping using my trustee 3 wheel walker so I do not want this post to come across as a moaner but it is good to just do this. I realise there may be a few more on GN in their eighties who find life has become quite boring of late. I have always been independent and keep myself busy as I love gardening and reading . Well enough from me but I just wondered if anyone else felt like this?

Hi, Notinthemanual......have PM’d you ?

You’re not worthless at all Clazi but retirement can often make people feel that way. Sometimes it can be difficult moving to a new area and can take a long time to feel part of the community. I’m sure lots of people on Gransnet would like some pen pals (or email pals as it probably is nowadays), perhaps that might be a new thread.

I too could have written your post Notinthemanual

Always hoped not to be the last of my group to go but knew it to be possible, maybe when I reached eighty or. Never expected to find myself in this position in my sixties. ?

It’s horrible isn’t it? And unnecessary as there seem to be so many of us around! I’m still isolating due to a medical condition but I’m happy to PM chat with you OP or with anyone else in the same situation.

Thank you all SO much

I can't tell you how chuffed I am to have received your messages. I'll be replying today.

Have a great day Grans.

Polnan Thank you... It was that post that inspired this post. Good to hear some Grans got in touch with you. I hesitated, unsure whether PM might be overstepping. Not sure why, so I'll PM you later.

Herbie9, this pandemic has been particularly hard on people in your position, recently widowed and stuck in most of the time until the recent relaxation in lock down rules. Glad you are getting out a bit, you can stretch the time out by having a coffee or a drink. I airways feel better after a few hours out of the house. Keep looking at the various posts, if anything it shows that what you are feeling is quite common.
Notinthmanual, it seems your post has touched a lot of people and I do hope you are feeling more optimistic. At times I wonder how we have all coped as we have. One thing for certain we will never forget these times. when we were living life frantically, juggling family and job it was never a thought to getting old and lonely.

I've struggled all my life making friends. I am very independent being the only child of older parents who seemed more interested in bridge than me and people see me I think as very self contained. I don't think people dislike me just feel perhaps that I don't need the closeness of friendship. I get lots of flowers and cards of thanks but how I long for an invitation to go out for a coffee instead.

BoBo I agree re the latter statement. I live in London and when life was more normal, I met two different lots of GNs at meetups, each was once a month and we all got on so well. The meetup closer to my home has been going for around 5 years now. There are only 4 of us now but we get on so well.

I have 4 email friends- I met one of them when we met up. She lives the other side of London so it is not possible to meet for coffee or lunch yet.

I emailed one GN but she lived rather too far away for days out or whatever. Maybe mention where people live if you want to meet for a coffee or whatever.

Thank you Sparkling for your kind message. I certainly do make time for a coffee locally, particularly when there have been such good offers around, ie half price cafe in Morrisons during August - am hoping they extend it!

My local Morrisons is on the edge of a roundabout and how people get there without a car is beyond me. Even with a car, it is difficult because my local council think we should be walking or biking- difficult with heavy loads of shopping but he is a man, possibly never had to lug it all home.

I'm in North Derbyshire.

Well that certainly brought the conversation to a halt. Thanks everyone you've made my day!

Bobo53, what did your comment mean? Are you annoyed that no one got back straight away? Have I misunderstood your comment? I have been out and busy all day, I suppose lots of people are but it doesn't mean they are not bothered.
Do you invite people for coffee? What are the cards of thanks for? It takes time building a friendship, I think everyone needs to ask themselves what sort of friendship they would like.

I was upset probably just having a bad day - sorry! Yes I do invite folk for coffee, meals etc when able but it’s always me with the invitations. Then I’ll hear same ‘friends’ will get together without me. I always try to help out anyone in need hence the flowers, cards etc but it’s female company I really need. I am happily married and have a family but my husband knows how I yearn for friends who would just seem to bother about me even just a little!