Unwanted Gift

This is not about the gift, it's about his behavior. I can see he was disappointed that you had put the cushion in the cupboard but he should not be telling you off in such a way.
By the way - how many ex wives does he actually have. This is very telling, he sounds like a bully to me. Sorry Alexa.

I think the words ‘two of his ex-wives’ speak volumes. He is obviously a difficult person and seems to bully you. Don’t let him do this; stand your ground and tell him that although you like the cushion you don’t as yet, know where to put it.

You are hilarious.

I'm really sorry to say this but your son's behaviour is bullying. Nobody should be told what to do with things in their own home, let alone be made to feel as if they are in the wrong if they have been bought an extremely practical present, like a rake, which they never requested and for which they have no use. Prolonged haranguing of another person and demeaningly comparing their actions to another is bullying behaviour. I have no idea what you can do about this but please don't feel bad about yourself. You've done nothing wrong.

I’m sorry Alexa, if any of my sons went on and on for 2 hours over a cushion they would be wearing it! I wouldn’t put up with such rudeness, he sounds a controller to me, he’s showing no respect to you. Very very over the top, he compared your behaviour unfavourably with two of his ex wives, how many ex wives has he got!! I’d be locking him in that cupboard, what a awful son, he sounds as if he has problems, he has no respect,

There is a reason your son has at least three ex-wives. He has no right to have words with you, let alone harangue you for two hours. He is rude and uncouth. What was he doing, riffling about in your cupboards. Please do not allow him to invade your privacy in this manner. Gifts do not have strings attached - he would not have had the right to say anything, even if you threw it into the middle of the street, as a speed-bump. He has no respect, no sense of decency. Tell him, and mean it, that you would rather not receive anything at all, than be forced to accept something for which you have no use.

Another angle. Does he have a need for your attention and approbation? You say you have 2 sons so does he feel his brother is more highly thought of, although I am sure this is not true. He may have felt rejected when he found the cushion in the cupboard and so ranted on for 2 hours getting rid of all his emotions. The same with the rake - in saying you didn’t want it did this make him feel rejected so he reacted by insisting you had to keep it?He said 2 of his exwives were the same. Also 3 wives have now rejected him so maybe he has lost his self confidence.

This is definitely about more than just a cushion. Maybe you could have a chat with him and find out why he is behaving this way.

Alexa, I am afraid it's your son that has the promlem, to have three ex wives is one for a start. However pleasant they might be to him now, they obviously didn't get on that well when married or they would not be ex. Forget the cushion, keep it until the dog drags the stuffing out if it , oops. In future if he starts ranting, give him the stare and tell him he's making your head ache. He sounds as if he needs counselling to be honest and is under stress, which you haven't caused.

dear Alexa, you are continuing to explain and justify why you had no room for the cushion.
but you do not need an excuse to do anything with presents.
what is concerning us is that you seem to think you do need a good reason not to use it. and the interaction with you son underlines this attitude, in both of you.
both you and he seem to think he has the right to tell you what to do. that is what is wrong. nothing to do with the cushion. he tells you what to do, even the correct form of words to use. does your other son behave like this. have you abased yourself because you were conditioned to regard males as superior.

I was taught to always accept a present with a smile and a thank you. Never to say I don’t like it. Think of all those hand knitted gloves, hats and scarves I had received at Christmas when I was a child.

I totally agree, Maw.
Alexa, please ignore the two posters who are accusing you of being fake.
You have been on GN for even longer than me!.
I was on the receiving last week of some nastiness, I know exactly how it feels.
Elaine1 and Hetty, hopefully you will be as quick to apologise, as you are to accuse.?

Hetty and Elaine1 with all respect (not that you have show any) kindly withdraw your unfounded accusations against Alexa - a long-standing and respected member ???
Who do you think you are?

Alexa is a regular poster.

Chin up, Alexa, you deserve some respect.
At least you are still on good terms with your DIL and she is fond enough of you to buy you a present (even if it wasn't suitable).

People often buy something they'd love themselves as presents for others.
Tell your DS that the rake has his name on it.

Not fake. Other posts by the OP confirm this.

Alexa is a very regular poster and a long time member of GN.
She is not given to fake posts and is “rather old” as am I.
This will not be fake and deserves our consideration.

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Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I was reared to respect the menfolk in the family

Pity your son wasn't raised to respect the womenfolk in his.

I was reared to respect the menfolk in the family

Did this translate into how you raised him?
Has he grown believing he holds some position of greatness?

Would again explain 3 Ex Wives and speaking to his mother like this.
Has nobody ever knocked him down a peg?

Thanks for answering alexa
Respect has to be earned and menfolk are no more worthy of respect that womenfolk
So you don’t live with your son, may I ask why he was in your cupboard ?
Please don’t worry any more you have done nothing wrong and I m sure you have been an excellent mother please stop beating yourself up
Before your birthday or Christmas just say I would really love a nice new .... perfume, soap, Strawberry jam or whatever you fancy and don’t be put down by the men in your life
Well done you for being as independent as possible

You could show him this thread?

I was reared to respect the menfolk in the family
It should be a two-way thing, Alexa and your DS needs to respect you and your decisions too.

Respect is one thing, kow-towing is quite another.

BlueBelle, I live in my own semi with downstairs shower room. I can climb the stairs but it is a wee bit of a struggle.

I was reared to respect the menfolk in the family. I do need and receive help of various sorts from my sons but am unusually independent for someone my age.
My living space downstairs is small and I can manage it and take pride in it only if I can store things I don't immediately need or else it would be really cluttered.

@Alexa you are naturally concerned about being a good mother. You've already been a good mother. You've modelled considerate behaviour as much as possible to your son. He's not getting the message though, is he? Next time he has a go at you maybe push gently back with an observation that it's your home, and if he wants to give you presents, which is well meant, he should ask you in advance what's useful and what's not.
As for the cushion I read what you said about your dog throwing it off the bed - mine loves doing that with cushions too and I think your dog is having fun with the cushion so don't take away his toy!

MerylStreep

Sounds like he's the one with a problem. 2 ex wives mmm.

Exactly so @MerylStreep
I'm trying to imagine a scenario in which I'd spend money on my ex-husband's mother's birthday and the only one I can come up with is that I always was very fond of her, and perhaps felt that she was unappreciated by her son and that getting her an expensive present was a way of sending a rather caustic message to said son.