Unwanted Gift

Would agree that it may be about much more than just a cushion.

If this is a repeated pattern of behaviour, and if the OP did not feel strong enough to respond and say what she thought and how she felt, it could be very controlling.

I was being light hearted about the stare thing, but over a number of years this sort of thing can lead to really difficult misunderstandings and worse.

Alexa this sounds as though it is about much more than a cushion. Maybe this was just the catalyst that triggered your upset and your Son's unkind words. It is really about finding out what the actual problem is and seeing how it can be resolved. People come on here with many problems, health, estrangement, divorce not sure I can put the unwanted gift of a cushion in the same category when so many others have such life changing issues in their lives.

Here's the bear himself, doing the biz

www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=paddington+stare+you+tube

Love that bit about gifts having ribbons, not strings, greengreen ?

Yes, another one to suggest the Paddington 'hard stare' technique. If someone is very rude, Paddington is very polite and does this, watch the film...

I noticed you said that space was limited where you live. Thats a perfectly reasonable explanation. Yes, cushion in cupboard or on bed. It may prove useful as a floor cushion for a young person that comes to visit. Or even a visiting dog heaven forbid.

I am one who beliefs gifts have ribbons not strings.

Meaning if someone gives you a gift that doesn't give them license to control your behaviour or your life. Sorry people, but if they give the gift they are supposed to let it go and leave it up to the other person to receive it.

What would you do if someone gave you a cat and you were allergic to cats? Similar thing isn't it? You said you didn't have much space. If you were living somewhere really spacious it probably wouldnt' bother you because you would have the floor space to just put it in front of the fire and forget about it, surely?

I would tell him quietly that I found his behaviour unaceptable and that if giving or receiving presents is going to lead to offended and offensive behaviour on his part, you would prefer all present giving to stop.

now he s bought you another thing you don’t want a rake and is annoyed you don’t want it

You could just say, "thanks, that the rake will be useful for you when you come to clear up my leaves'. Bung it in the shed (if you have one) and tell him it's there for when he needs it.

I'd be tempted to put the cushion over his face to shut him up.

Alexa do you come from a country where men are dominant and women subservient Just the way you word your post made me wonder
It is disappointing to find a gift put away in a cupboard but why is he looking in your cupboards you say you don’t have much room as you live downstairs do you mean you live in your sons house (downstairs)
I don’t think your son sounds sensitive I think he has a problem with women making a decision, He wants to be in control and no woman is going to go against his ideas and decisions .....not his wives ( the reason he has so many ex s ) nor his elderly mother because HE knows best
Your son whilst disappointed that you didn’t like the gift had no right to harangue you (your words) and now he s bought you another thing you don’t want a rake and is annoyed you don’t want it
Please don’t see this as your fault the fault lies with him and nothing to do with your love care or parenting

I can’t imagine how the poor lamb has 3 Ex wives ?

At least they could get rid of him. I feel bad for you.

I’d have told him to piss off with his bloody pillow after 20 mins.

He has a problem for sure. I'd just tell him so and laugh it off, myself.

I like the idea of insisting on donations as it takes away all the worry about Christmas gifts.

To me, things are just things, not important at all. My home is minimalist, my territory. I choose what I want in it, nobody else. Most people know I don't really 'do' giving and receiving things, apart from cakes.

I will graciously accept a gift, though, of course, wait a while - then off it goes to the charity shop. Somebody else might really appreciate it.

If I'm asked what I'd like (which is nice) I say that I'd love some chocolates or a small plant for the garden.

I have several lovely scarves and bottles of scent given lovingly by DSs, but none of them really to my liking. I accepted them in the spirit in which they were given, but in recent years I have always asked them to give a gift in my name, be it a goat or chickens for an African community or equipment for a village school teacher in a remote area. I wonder what they'll think up for my approaching VERY BIG birthday - my sister suggested dental implants, and I don't think she was joking.

I wouldn't even want the ... cushion after him carrying on like that.

I'd stick it back in the cupboard and tell him I only want donations to my favourite charity as gifts, in future.

Affectionate at times, bullying at others - that's an abusive relationship.

Perhaps his ex-wives all appear to love him as they now only get his lovable side, not his bullying side?

What a good idea Oopsadaisy!
But I think I'd say, "would you mind if I had the cushion altered to fit my chair?" rather than ask him to get it done.
If he offers, well, win-win!

I 'bite my tongue' to keep the peace with my 2 children - it's worth it as we all get on so well and have many happy times. However, if one of my sons decided to lecture me for 2 hours I am afraid I would have thrown the bl**dy cushion at him and told him to 'go forth and muliply' as it were!!

Silent Games, that is part of my problem, as I wanted my birthday to go well with me and two sons happy and so I felt I could not under any circumstances imply the gift was unwelcome. As it turned out my son said he would far rather I had told him immediately the gift was unsuitable, than I "threw it in a cupboard" or sent it to the charity shop. I also feel very lucky to have an affectionate son.

Put the cushion in the cupboard and pull it out to put on display when you know your son is due to visit. Sorted.
Son harangued you for 2 hours? Not sorted. You need to deal with that asap; not acceptable.

Your sons ex wives all love him?? Really?

I think that you have put your son on a pedestal, time to firmly remove him and like someone else said throw the cushion at him.

Alternatively, if it was a nice cushion, give it back to him along with the measurements that would make it fit your small chair and get him to have it altered. Problem solved. I think this is about so much more than a cushion, more of him being a spoilt brat.

I suppose one thing you could take from this is that whatever the gift is it shows you are thought of. We have three children and all married and as young families are, they choose to spend their money on themselves and children. They like designer clothes and all the things these families have and see as necessities like iPads and package tv services. We do not expect them to buy us expensive presents and a few years ago my husband said don’t worry about spending on us. Well they took it literally and we don’t receive birthday or Christmas gifts, fathers or Mother’s Day gifts and one of them does not even bother with cards. I’m not asking for much but to have something to open on Christmas or my birthday would be nice. My husband an I get one present at Christmas and that is from each other. The children and grandchildren get presents and quite expensive ones asked for and the eldest son also drop hints about us giving them money to do their big house up which they bought. So anyone who gets a gift at all is very lucky indeed.

Forgot to add you mention your son gets along with all of his ex-wives and two of them know and like each other. How many ex-wives does he actually have?

I'd have thrown the damn cushion at him and told him to----go away

Try not to let these things play on your mind. I’m sure your son does know you love him but, as you say you’re old, maybe HE is the one that needs to be more sensitive to your situation. You like the gift but it’s too large for your chair and if it’s on the floor there’s a danger you could trip over it.

Two hours going on and on about your not liking a present does seem excessive, does he do this about other things?

Sounds like he's the one with a problem. 2 ex wives mmm.

My immediate thought too!
No wonder he has two ex-wives.

Can you use the large cushion as a footstool, then pick it up and fling it on the sofa when you get up so you don't trip over it? It could be soft and cosy for your feet.

the dog who sleeps on the bed during the day kept throwing it on to the floor.
The dog doesn't find much use for it either then ?

aggie, I am too given to explaining myself.

I really like the hard stare and change the subject suggestion. Well said aggie!

Isn't it strange how people take offence when none was intended. Your son was certainly a bit over the top, wasn't he.
We all receive gifts which we don't really want, occasionally in life.
I've got one of those huge cushions. It lives in the storage space under my bed.