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Sister being resentful?

(60 Posts)
SuzieHi Thu 08-Oct-20 20:00:55

Feeling upset as sister does not phone me. I’m always the one to phone her. Then it’s often a dialogue about her and what they have done or are going to do. She doesn’t ask about us about anything. She lives very near recently bereaved father and does have daily contact with him. I do too, via FaceTime. We live 3 hrs away.
Husband thinks she’s resentful and jealous . I do ask sister what we can do to help, but there is never an answer. We do want to visit them all but this has been difficult since COVID. We have not been made to feel welcome when we have visited - and have never been invited. How do we make this situation better?

newnanny Mon 12-Oct-20 09:49:45

If your sister is hands on with your Dad and having to go around daily to cook and clean for him as well as any personal care she also has to do her own home. If he is 95 your sister must be getting older and probably feeling tired. Could you pay for your Dad to have a cleaner in for a couple of hours each week? This would lighten the load off your sister. Alternatively you could order him in some of those meals they advertise where you pick the ones you like and they get delivered. That would also give your sister some help. It is difficult when you live further away. When my Mum was getting older two of my sisters lived in same town as Mum but three of us scattered across UK. The ones further away paid for a cleaner for 3 hours each week. We paid for 1 hour each. It took strain of sisters living closer who still did laundry, shopping and personal care. We went to visit every other week on different days to give caring sisters a day off.

SuzieHi Mon 12-Oct-20 13:55:47

smile

Chardy Wed 14-Oct-20 13:48:23

Thistlelass I would imagine it's jobs that dictate where people move to, rather than actually choosing.
When my kids were little, we lived pretty much halfway between 2 sets of grandparents.

SuzieHi Thu 15-Oct-20 19:31:32

Dad is fortunate as he can afford cleaner 2 hrs a day and a gardener. Cleaner sits with him for cup of tea and chat daily too! Sister doesn’t have any jobs to do as such, but visits nearly every day and does keep an eye on his finances. He’s very ‘ with it’ and tells me he’s happy with FaceTime at present. In fact, telling us not to travel - To be covid safe! Me feeling guilt about not visiting I suppose. Thanks for comments and advice

SuzieHi Thu 15-Oct-20 19:56:58

Sister doesn’t do any housework or gardening for dad ( fortunately he can afford cleaner/ Carer and gardener). but she does keep an eye on his finances and his day to day life.
When we visit we take meals, wine, gifts, and do help a lot.
Dad seems happy. It’s me feeling guilty that we’re not nearer.
We have looked after husbands mum and aunt, husband does think we’ve done our turn. COVID has made it all more difficult to visit

mywishingquotes Fri 06-Oct-23 08:34:40

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MerylStreep Fri 06-Oct-23 08:44:20

Mywishingquotes
I think the problem might be resolved.
look at the date of op, October 2020

pascal30 Fri 06-Oct-23 09:06:38

It sounds to me that you just want to be closer to your sister..why don't you just tell her that and that you miss her..

Esmay Fri 06-Oct-23 09:17:48

If your sister is full time carer of your father - she's totally exhausted and could do with a break .

Visiting with flowers and chocolates isn't enough .
I've been there
I haven't had a holiday except for one weekend away for 17 years .
As an only child I longed to have siblings .
I still do !